Inside me is a black tornado

[Zephyr of Darkness]

Well, the tornado is the strong wind with all my feelings mixed.
I'll tell you:
Today, I was having a normal b ut rather angry mood. I was in the Uni and I found a guy I hate cuz he treasoned me, but I still talk to him cuz he seems to be trying to do ammends. We began talking and in a moment he complained he had to go to a faraway place in this rainy and cold day. I asked why did he have to, and he aswered me that his girlfriend lives there. I don't like the guy, and my agenda is so fucking full that I can't even think of having a boyfriend, but whenever someone, like this fart, tells things about a mate, something like a black hole with a tornado inside me opens up. This tornado is made out of sadness, envy, anger, jealousy, pain, depression... among the feelings I can identify. I never had a boyfriend, though I had plenty of chances at high school, but I didn't like any of the guys that liked me. No matter how much my rational mind tells me:" Never mind about that...you have a career to finish, and you'd need to earn money, and polish your art skills, and have plenty of other profitable things to do", a place in my soul writhes in pain whenever sb brings this topic out. Like a wound you remember you have when you touch it. And I hate it. Why should that kind of love be necessary in your life? But this part of me won't submit to my strict logic, and torment me like this.
To finish: That fart ruined me the day. I walked away slowly in the rain, overcome by sadness. And as I write this, though the sadness slowly decreases, that hole is still there. And it only needs to be touched to hurt again...and again...and again.....

[Blackwargreymon Lover]

Yeah, I'm pretty much like that, with the exception of other people's happiness. I can just block it all out, but something's missing. I don't really want to fill it now though, because I haven't met anyone to do that or anything of the sort. I still have plenty of life left, so it's not as though I'm in a rush to find them or anything.

If you hate this guy, don't hang around him. Just stay away. He could just be setting you up to hurt you again.

[UnknownH]

hey I get jealous when I see guys with girlfriends and almost all the people in my college math class when married with kids and I did nothing so far (and some were my age) but hey it's always like that if you're not involved with someone who makes you happy that's how the brain is wired that's just it

[Wisemon]

No tornados, I've got a yellow side (symbolic of warmth and fear) and a blue side (symbolic of coolness and cursing). The yellow side is my creative side, the side that loves, feels, and usually ends up getting in my way because I've got very little to keep its massive and seemingly impossible desires satisfied. It's the side that wastes twenty minutes with a crying session every time I hear "Everlong" (the couples thing, what I can't seem to get). When the yellow side sees happy couples, it might just wish them luck. Then again, it might decide that it's time to return to the side that most people see, the blue side, the cool, wiseass, sarcastic, angry, punk/grunge/metal, super smart engineering student. When I go straight from yellow to blue without the green in between, that's when I'm at my angriest. That's when stuff gets kicked, punched, charged, and broken. As you might expect, a crying session is usually followed by a kicking session. I try to maintain the balance, green, my favorite color.

[UnknownH]

huh I don't use colors when descibing myself but that's interesting

[Zephyr of Darkness]

Yeah, I'm pretty much like that, with the exception of other people's happiness. I can just block it all out, but something's missing. I don't really want to fill it now though, because I haven't met anyone to do that or anything of the sort. I still have plenty of life left, so it's not as though I'm in a rush to find them or anything.

Well,good for you. But I've been hoping for this for 17 years, ever since I got in love for the first time. I know, it's irrational, I have plenty of other things to do. But I'm not that young anyway. Besides, I live in a crappy Third World where women have an expiring date at the age of 25, are plenty of sexist guys ,recognize only a stereotypical beauty, and a hundred more things against us. In brief, for Argentine men I'm getting old, I'm too feminist and I'm good looking but meh--not openly admitted.
So I don't wanna have this in this place anyway.I did find men that would make good candidates, but they were all married or else.

If you hate this guy, don't hang around him. Just stay away. He could just be setting you up to hurt you again.

Thanks for the advice, but how else could I get my revenge? Believe me, I'm keeping a close eye on him. And yeah, I am very vindictive (almost half of my blood is Italian, you know, vendettas, maffia, the Godfather)XD

it's always like that if you're not involved with someone who makes you happy that's how the brain is wired that's just it

Really? Is it a natural desire or it's just our fucking Occidental culture that keep telling us that if we don't have a love then we don't fulfill our destinies? I wonder.

No tornados, I've got a yellow side (symbolic of warmth and fear) and a blue side (symbolic of coolness and cursing). The yellow side is my creative side, the side that loves, feels, and usually ends up getting in my way because I've got very little to keep its massive and seemingly impossible desires satisfied. It's the side that wastes twenty minutes with a crying session every time I hear "Everlong" (the couples thing, what I can't seem to get). When the yellow side sees happy couples, it might just wish them luck. Then again, it might decide that it's time to return to the side that most people see, the blue side, the cool, wiseass, sarcastic, angry, punk/grunge/metal, super smart engineering student. When I go straight from yellow to blue without the green in between, that's when I'm at my angriest. That's when stuff gets kicked, punched, charged, and broken. As you might expect, a crying session is usually followed by a kicking session. I try to maintain the balance, green, my favorite color.

Yeah, I realized you don't like yellow things But well, good for ya. I can't seem to get any balance in my personality.
And, BTW, it would be good for you to not have a couple. Being so perfectionist and degrading others all the time, you run the risk of becoming a critic and annoying boyfriend/husband. And then blame the other person for being intolerant. Besides, you once told you were never in love. I do believe love is needed in a relationship. *sigh* I wish I was like you...I get in love all the fucking time.

I do seem to get blocked whenever I try to vent all this...fuck it. But it's strange that nobody else feels hurt like myself. I mean, it's unfair. I see lots of people that come out from a relationship and immediately enter another. Guess they put less conditions than me, but it still bugs me. I mean, it can't be SUCH bad luck that I have, to not be able to find anybody in so many years. And I sometimes see such ugly people that have such wonderful mates that adore them, that I can't blame anything but my luck. DAMN!!!!

[Wisemon]

And, BTW, it would be good for you to not have a couple. Being so perfectionist and degrading others all the time, you run the risk of becoming a critic and annoying boyfriend/husband. And then blame the other person for being intolerant. Besides, you once told you were never in love.

I resent that, just a little bit. It just so happens that it's because I'm a perfectionist that I haven't had a girlfriend. I just want to get it right the first time (see my poem). I came close with the girl who lived in the dorm next door to mine. Actually, she still lives there, because she decided that commuting wasn't such a good idea, and we're still friends (again). We're alike in so many ways that it should be destiny. Just for starters, we're both smart traumatized loners who view the rest of society as being way too happy. We can predict each other's moves. There was a head nod of remembrance to a specific event two days ago upon a cue from our R.A.. There's just one problem; she has an inability to love. She doesn't care or feel at all. Her life plan: marry an old rich guy and take his money. I'm Godzilla and she's Mecha Godzilla. I can't say that I've ever been in love, because you can't love a machine, except maybe for my Sega Game Gear. Recently, I gained some female fans. They're not the brightest bunch, and I think most of them already have boyfriends elsewhere, but I could just give in. I've trained myself so hard to fight temptation though...no, I don't think I could do it. Being alone is hard, and I've felt it for over a decade, almost as long as you, so don't think I don't know. The thing is, with a cheap thrill, I think I'd still be lonely. So in the words of Stabbing Westward, if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone. Rightfully, I shouldn't be lonely.

[UnknownH]

I have never I love you but like I said I don't show that emotion I show happy, angry, and sad and that's it but my problem was I kept screing up with any girl that I liked and I don't think any girl liked me (maybe once but that's a long story) but I don't want to be alone I'm a social person sometimes and because I talk to myself sometimes I'm not fully alone but you two are ranting now not me

[Zephyr of Darkness]

Hey, guys, I feel a little better now. Thanks for answering. After I suffer for some days, I write or draw something, and the pain goes away... for a while.

we're both smart traumatized loners who view the rest of society as being way too happy.

Come both to the Third World then. You'll be glad to be in a place where most people are unhappy.

I'm Godzilla

What I always suspected.

Really, I don't think this girl
like you. It is simple: when a girl likes somebody, she tries to look perfect. She won't reveal her dark sides, unless she thinks that the guy will like them (Of course, she won't think you'll find cool that she'll marry an old rich guy and take his money). She might reveal them later, when she feels sure about his love. And slowly, not out of the blue like this. What she said seems like a rather angry statement, I bet she's kind of annoyed or something.
For example: I can't cook. You think I'd tell Beelzemon 'I'd never cook a damn thing for ya, who the hell do you think you are?!' if I tried to seduce him? No, I would never bring up that topic, and if by some way HE did bring it up, I'd moan:'Oh, my cooking is not so good, but I hope to improve it after I graduate... I've been so busy with the Uni, I couldn't help but losing my touch...' Of course, the 'hope' will never be carried out. If I could seduce him, I'd later say: 'Oh, boy, I'm so useless at cooking...But you forgive me, right? After all, I'm pretty, intelligent and a career woman....nobody's perfect' ..but NEVER before he turns into my boyfriend.
You catch my idea? All girls are alike in that feature.

So in the words of Stabbing Westward, if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone. Rightfully, I shouldn't be lonely.

Cool catchphrase. Impossible in my Uni though.

[Zephyr of Darkness]

I have never I love you but like I said I don't show that emotion I show happy, angry, and sad and that's it but my problem was I kept screing up with any girl that I liked and I don't think any girl liked me (maybe once but that's a long story) but I don't want to be alone I'm a social person sometimes and because I talk to myself sometimes I'm not fully alone but you two are ranting now not me

Ummm... I did realize that you did have some experience with girls...Unlike Wisemon, you do know how to treat a girl, and I do bet that will be a great help for you in the future. Girls always appreciate a nice guy who listen to them.