That's what the main man say

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

President of the company: You need a shave.
Me: Byron has a beard, and I think it works for him. I guess it doesn't work for me?
President of the company: That's not a beard; you're just unshaven. That's just lazy.
Me: Yeah, you got me there.

[Wisemon]

Secretary 1: A man in my town was killed by his son at the age of 85.
Secretary 2: How was he killed?
Secretary 1: The police report says he was punched about the face and chest area.
Me: So I

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

Regarding a comment my sister made...

Mom: She's become rather pessimistic in the last few months.
Me: I know; I like the new attitude.
Mom: I don't; it's like having two of you.

[Wisemon]

President of the company: How can you not like dogs?
Me: I just don't like pets. I'm more of a people person. Actually, I don't like people either. I like toys; I don't like living things.
Secretary: Okay, now you're starting to scare me. Do you have heads in your freezer?

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

President's nephew: How easy is it to get the train to Boston?
Me: Why do you want to go to Boston?
President's nephew: There's nothing to do in this town. I'm in my twenties. I need to get out to the city. I need stimulation.
Me: Try playing Sonic the Hedgehog.

[Wisemon]

Bad: My apartment has paper-thin walls.
Good: I can hear my coed neighbors having sex while I'm trying to masturbate.
Bad: They take fifteen minutes, and I take over a half hour.

There, now let's see someone call me a nerd and/or loser for posting that one. On second thought, that won't be necessary.

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

They bring in Billy Joel just to sing the National Anthem, and they let Prince do the halftime show. I have come to two conclusions:
1. Prince has no songs of his own.
2. The Super Bowl planners are idiots.

[Wisemon]

"She's Britney Spears: not a girl, not yet Kurt Cobain."

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

"As I eat my dinner of high fiber cereal, I watch through my window to the window of the young couple who live across the street. I think they're just talking, and I think I've just reached a whole new level of pathetic."

[Wisemon]

"I saw the video of a 101-year-old woman with a walker getting mugged and punched in the face... and I shamelessly laughed my ass off."