That's what the main man say

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

"It's my apartment, and if I want to keep a bottle of hand cream by my computer, that's what I'll do."

[Wisemon]

"Apparently, twenty-three is the age where relatives stop giving you money for your birthday, and of course, you're not supposed to notice or complain."

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

While listening to Soundgarden's "Ty Cobb" at work:
Secretary: Is he saying what I think he's saying?
Me: Yep, it's Soundgarden.
Secretary: I've heard of the band.
Me: This song was a single, but for some reason, it never made it to the radio.
Secretary: I can't imagine why. I should take you to Wal-Mart for the edited version.
Me: No thanks.

[Wisemon]

"Why must 'upbeat' and 'inspirational' poetry necessarily include Jesus or God? Those publishers ought to say what they mean."

[Wisemon]

Coworker: What is wrong with you? You don't have any tattoos. You don't drink. You don't smoke. You don't fuck.
Me: Nor do I consider 'fucking' to be a habit or a hobby.

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

"When the local police call me up asking for a donation to the Officers' Memorial Fund, I inexplicably feel the need to pretend that I'm stoned."

[Wisemon]

Boss: Can I wear what I'm wearing to a wake.
Me: I think what you're wearing is appropriate. *Boss leaves the room.*
Coworker: What about her shoes (red high heels)?
Me: Well, hopefully, nobody will notice her shoes, though it's kind of hard to miss them.

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

Telemarketer: You can save on your phone bill if you switch to MCI.
Me: I don't know about that. My phone bill is already pretty low.
Telemarketer: Okay then. *Hangs up*
Me: He doesn't have much of a future in this business.

[Wisemon]

"When a man in a bookstore restroom asks if you have a girlfriend, always say, "Yes," because otherwise, his next question is going to be, "Are you gay?""

[Wisemon]

I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.

"Yeah, it's been "long time no see" with everyone but my immediate family and my coworkers. I pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth."