Savior of the Universe!

[EmirLicht]

I'm swamped with work (literal work, my job), so it may take awhile. I have a two day break coming up a good portion of the next chapter drawn out, so I may work more on the next chapter's skeleton tomorrow then get writing Thursday.

[Frisk E. Coyote]

Well take your time, no rush! X3 I'll read it again when it's up!

[EmirLicht]

Chapter 2: The Self-Proclaimed Banished Prince
Sir Aaron looked up at his liege, his knee bent before the King on a velvet red carpet. Around him, the sparkling runed gold let off a light-based aura, appearing as though it glimmered and pulsed endlessly.
The powerful defensive symbols changed the whole room into the Throne of the Heavens.
The king stared at him, with expressions of trouble and worry, and a ting of anger in his eyes. Words failed him, though he appeared to have tried hard.
His head bowed in shame and defeat, his heart ached with a million tortures.
Aaron sighed, the breath echoed through the halls as a million sighs, "My Lord, is this of your son?"
The king sullenly nodded, his expression unchanged.
"He has been gone for a week. Perhaps I should depart and begin a search for him."
The king didn't respond.

Aaron stared at him for several minutes before finally speaking again, "Youth oft show hate for their guardian and blood, but do not mean it. I believe Prince Ryan is simply trying to find his own path, rather than hang on your coattails. He is brave and stubborn, and I do not think him one to favor charity"
Alraan gathered the courage to stare Sir Aaron back in the eyes, and with a shaky respond, "You, you truly believe so?"
Aaron nodded.
Rais Alraan stood, leaned over, and hugged his old friend.
Sir Aaron had been in service as long as Rais had been born, and he always shone as both his finest blade and his finest advisor.
Rais spoke softly into his ear, "Please, watch over him and see that he finds his path. I wish nothing but the best for him."
"I swear it," Aaron responds. His terse voice, to the king, seemed to echo through the golden halls.


In four days time...
The bandits surround their bait. A child, probably not even 20, wandering through the forest. "What luck!" the bandit's thoughts yelled in delight.

Ryan's eyes flickering about, deciding on the weakest member. "If I could kill one, the rest will cower like rats." he kept telling himself.
His eyes rest upon an extraordinarily cocky one. One that thinks he is the winner before the race even begins. Even better, he seems to be the leader.
A smirk crawls across Ryan's face as he unsheathes his sword. "If it's coin you're after," he begins heroically, "the only metal you'll find with me, is my blade!'

The cocky one laughs wickedly and draws his rapier, probably stolen. "Alright brat. Let's see that mettle of your's!" His battlecry filling the forest as he dashes towards Ryan, while the youth does naught but prepare his stance. The other bandits doesn't follow into the fray, much preferring to watch their leader tear another arrogant fool to shreds.
"Die! Die! Die!" the small team cheers as the bandit's sword falls on the self-proclaimed banished prince.

His blade elegantly blocks the bandit's sword, he swirls his body left letting the bandit swing down on air before Ryan slams his solaret onto the rapier, snapping it. He readies his longsword then pierces the bandit's heart for true.

Time stands still as the chanting ends. Ryan twists the sword and rips the insides of the bandit leader out.
His blood rushes, his eyes feel light as day, his heart sings. Ryan felt so happy; the Banished One had already done good for this world. He freed this realm from the evil scum lain before him, though shocked that the worm's blood isn't black as the pits of Hell.

"Redeem yourselves." Ryan's voice rings deep, true, and harsh, "Stand before Advent and pray forgiveness, and may she lead your darkened souls to the light of righteousness."
Their eyes grow wide, many are paralyzed with fear. One boy, one snot nosed brat, just murdered a man they once thought not just their alpha male, but their guardian.
"Who...who is this boy...? He just ripped his ... his whole body out...Oh Advent, Oh Advent!"
Ryan shoots the blubbering bandit a dirty glare and yells adamantly, "Pray forgiveness, or die, Demonling!"
Five of the seven bandits leave the scene; they couldn't bare the sight of their leader so mangled.
Two of them look up at the blonde-headed devil, but his words somehow...stuck.
They bow their heads and pray to Advent, for forgiveness.
Upon opening their eyes once more, they turn their heads to the bloody scene, and nobody is there.

Cold steel slithers over Ryan's throat and he freezes. His thoughts race, "I can't die here... I just converted two people! How can Advent not look over me for such Light deeds? My life is way too important!"
A familiar voice giggles behind him, and the blade recedes. "Hey there!" Reirei shouts.

He immediately turns, his anger flaring within his eyes and soul, "Dammit Rei! What the hell was that?!"
His anger only makes her giggle louder, "hehe, well, you're so loud, I just couldn't help it!"
His hand shoots up to hit himself in the forehead, "Fine, whatever. Where's Aaron?" he questions grudgingly.
"Oh him?" she giggles, "he's back cleaning up the stragglers for you; he'll be back sometime tonight."
Ryan gasps for a second and couldn't help but grab her, "Is he going to kill the two by the body?!"
Rei couldn't help but laugh uncontrollably as she tries to force out a response, "No, no, we saw your whole little charade, my little murderous preacher, hahahahahaha!"
Ry just stares back at her a little annoyed.
"So," she interrupts his thoughts, "Are you going to kiss me or let go? I won't wait for you all day."
Crimson overtakes his face as he slowly releases her and shoves her away, turning his back to her and folding his chainmail-clad arms quickly.
"I-I...No!" he yelps over his shoulder in embarrassment.


Aaron gazes over the campfire. The crickets chirp in a deafening loudness. Each crackle sends a small spark to the endless dark sky--running to the heavens. His mind wandered as it often did.
His gaze is risen, to the heavenly souls in the black sky; his mind felt as though he's there, sitting amongst the souls of the heavens.

Finally, the cricket's chirps seemed to have stopped, "Why are you here?" Ryan finally questions.
Aaron's mind slowly comes back to him, focusing itself to one sharp point, like a blade. His soft eyes seem to scare everybody. "I'm here because your father worries for you. No worries, though, I'm not here to drag you back." he stated.
Ryan stares at him for some time. "This is boring." Aaron hears himself say, staring back at him.

"Well, I'm never going back!" he declares.
Aaron just shrugs, "I'm here to protect you and help you along your path. It's not my concern if you go back or not."
Ry didn't know what to say, only an "oh," utters from his mouth, and the night thereafter was silent if not for the incessant chirping.
"Damn crickets." Sir Aaron griped silently to himself.

[johalt]

Excellent addition. I see we're continuing along the "Delightfully twisted and evil" path so far. Impressive, to say the least. Again, you've neglected setting (and deep plot XP) descriptions, but again, I've only just realized this XP anyway, nice work so far. Hope more i's firth coming. PS: i love the metal/mettle figure of speech. It almost seems like you created the situation just for it to work perfectly...

[EmirLicht]

Updated with massive style improvements and a fixed battle scene.

As for purposely creating that scene, I've actually just been typing shit up, like any English paper. This is the first one I've gone back and made major renditions to actually look decent.
I just kind of thought of that silly little jape as I was typing. XD

[johalt]

... I's it bad that I really can't tell the difference from the original? XP

[EmirLicht]

They were minor problems that only a professor or something would yell at me for.

[johalt]

Aaah. Ok.

[EmirLicht]

It was things like messing up my tenses and not condensing my fight scene appropriately.

[Frisk E. Coyote]

I'm still trying to figure out how stabbing someone in the heart and twist-wrenching the sword out rips the insides out unless the sword was hooked or serrated or something, but it is delightfully violent! My only critique is that there is quite a lack of description, emotion-wise and action-wise, as I have yet to see much of a complete paragraph. There are a lot of one liner sentences arranged in small groups, but it is thankfully easy to read!

The content is quite nice. I'm starting to see an inkling of a plot here. So the prince runs away and proclaims himself 'banished', and his adventures begin?