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Prologue
The cloaked man walked through the soft, pale green grass. The moon hung in the night sky brightly -- a full moon tonight, and all the better for showing off the old warrior's features. Pale white skin, black-red eyes, and a scar across his throat.
He looked at the pale-blonde haired apprentice apathetically, his emotionless eyes looking into her's.
She looks over the cliff, at the burning village. "Do you truly believe such a boy might save the world?"
The old veteran nearly laughed at her question. Not really. He never laughs.
"Of course. Destiny has chosen for him to be the hero of the cosmos, the bringer of light to the void. The savior."
The youngling's eyes looked at him in astonishment.
"Youth," he thought, "how great it must be to have emotions."
"A-are you serious?" she questioned, almost too much for her to handle.
"No, of course not. He's just a brat with a sword." he shrugged, his lame attempts at jokes never really amused him. "Why do I even make them anymore?" he pondered quietly to himself.


The girl set her eyes back on the village--her piercing gaze able to see miles as clearly as inches. "He's kind of cute," she snickered.
He shrugged, "he's kind of dead without our help. Are you a necrophiliac now?" he inquired without emotion.


The girl looked at him and laughed, "must be nice to have emotions," he thought, and she walked over to him silently. Silent as a skilled warrior should be.
She wrapped her arms around him in an unreturned hug.

"Are you done yet? We have a mission."
She sighed and stepped back, "yeah, let's" she said sullenly.


One down, his breath heavy. "Those bastards..." Two down, his breath heavy. "Those bastards..." Three down, his breath heavy.
His mind resonated over and over. Blood spilled on him as he brought his blade down on the soldier's defending sword, he snapped it, then did a slicing uppercut through his neck--beheading him. "Those bastards..." Four down, his breath heavy. He rushes haphazardly and lunged through the man's foot--cutting his toes clean off, followed by slicing off his arm in a full moon swing and a final, deadly, stab downward--through the heart. "Those bastards..." Five down, his breath penetrating his lungs.

This one looked strong he slashed horizontally and was met by his blade snapping the young man's and slashing his stomach.
"You bastard..." his thoughts given voice...sounding as though he reached an epiphany.
The large soldier laughed at him, "I am a Lord, and you but a mere child," his voice darkened, "So how the hell did you kill my soldiers?!"
"Well," a voice from behind lectured, "it's because he's been better trained than even yourself." The lord swung around to see a man and a woman--both in a heavy cloak clasped with the enemy insignia. "More Resalia scum?" he snickered.
The young man's expression lightened--he knew what was coming.
The man shrugged. "You're dead."
And there it is.
The lord looked at him incredulously, "And just what the hell do you mean by that?" he asked, then let out a heavy laugh, hands holding belly, head thrown up.
Met by a swift dagger under the armpit, piercing the heart.
The apprentice smiles at her master and pulls her dagger out of the lord.
"That was lord Warren of Yueng." the man spoke, and looked to his apprentice, "You were slow, however detecting the kink in his armor took was effective."
He walked past her and held out a hand to the young master. "My young prince, you must learn to control that temper. He should not have been able to challenge you."
The prince glared and took his hand anyways, following it into a hug.
"Thanks for saving my ass Aaron."
"Why is everybody hugging me?!" he thought loudly...
Reirei giggled and walked up, "yeah, you're welcome for killing him, Your Great Highness, Lord Prince Ryan." she announced in a sarcastic tone.
He laughed and looked at her, "Well, it IS your job."
She fake pouted at him and walked away, remembering Sir Aaron will scold her later for not having scouted sooner.


"Back to the castle" he finally said, receiving a dirty look from the prince.
"My uncle was here!" he shouted at him.
"Your uncle will be buried by the royal army, I assure you."
"He should never have agreed to diplomacy" Ryan thought to himself.
"No," the prince stated firmly, "I want to bury him."
Sir Aaron looked at him and shrugged, "Make it quick, we're vulnerable." he responded, and escorted the prince to his uncle's body.


Thus the prince buried his best friend's body in earth and tears.
"Let us make haste." Sir Aaron says, as he brings forth a horse for the prince to ride. The knights would simply run.

Sorry for the double post.
Please, feel free to post comments, criticism, positive feedback, criticism, or more criticism.

Also, BUMP!

Interesting... Vary interesting... Yet it lacks... Point. I assume more will be explained in later parts? Detail i's good, as well as character actions and reactions. Plot development I look forward to watching.

Honestly, yes, the first two chapters are entirely pointless, and while I'm hoping to intertwine those beginning scenes in the upcoming chapters, nothing is planned.
Literally, I've planned nothing for this.
I really should......

---

Chapter 1: Vehemence in Monotony
The prince's golden strands fell past his eyes and the maid behind him let out a heavy sigh.
"Oh Master, you really must stop running off like that; you worry His Highness."
At the mention of "His Highness", the prince simply ignored the scolding and closed his eyes, trying also to distract from what had happened. The maid grasped his hair lightly and brought the blade to it, cutting his hair ever so gently.
The prince's shining, silver-blue eyes scanned the room for anything interesting to do or think about, and sword aside, thought of nothing. He missed his uncle.
How long has it been since that day? A week? A few days?
"I can't remember" his mind responded to his questioning.
The days have all felt the same; everything is so bland.
"It all just...melts together, doesn't it?" his mind snickered in self pity.

"All done!" the maid cheerfully announced! Ryan looked up at her and sighed, "About time..." he muttered.
He stood and held the mirror up--not too bad. Shame it's so short, short hair doesn't really suit him.
He twists the pure gold, eagle engraved knob, and Aaron is standing there, staring at the young Prince.
"..."
"..."
He hands the prince a piece of paper and walks away. The paper is folded.
Slowly, anxiously, Ryan unfolds the mysterious paper. Its white wrinkles teasing him, laughing at him. What could possibly be hidden inside? What knowledge could Sir Aaron be passing onto--chores. "Bloody Hell!" his mind yelled in torment!
The abused, distraught, lonely prince shuffles quietly to his fencing lessons.... in sorrow.
"Such monotony..." his head pitiably whined.

One, two, lunge, one, block, one, two, three, four, swirl, lunge, block, one, lunge.
"Good play M'Lord!" the swordsman haughtily laughs and pats him on the back. "Telling you son, all those beautiful maids are helping your lunge, for sure!"
"You think so?" the prince laughs, "I think you're just getting limp with your skills."
The warrior let out a bellowing laugh and patted him on the back again, "that's M'Boy, meet you bright an' early tomorrow, okay?"
"Of course," he responded and waved back, "bye."
Swordmaster Octavius waved back to the youngling and turned to polish his swords, "boy's a virgin," he thought, "obvious as day."

A messenger came to him, "My Lord?" he started, awaiting the prince's answer.
"You may," he sighs, annoyed with such...idiotic formalities.
"Your Highness, your father, wishes to speak with you, Young Master. You are anxiously awaited." he relays to the to-be-king and bows, before fleeing from the now very upset prince.
He takes a deep sigh and begins walking with influence and pride--the way a prince should be walking. How he hated this droll show of power. He stared at the underling by the throne room doors--two large, gold doors, trimmed with royal white fur.

He took 20 paces--exactly--inside, and bowed to his father, holding back glares of vehement animosity. His father: a coward, weakling, cheat, all the things he hated--and more.
"Yes, Your Highness?" the youth greeted and inquired simply.
His father, King Alraan, frowns, and gives a long sigh. "You are my son, there's no need for such formalities..."
His son always made him feel as though he wanted to cry--
little Ry hated him,
and he knew not why...
"If only," the stern man told himself, "if only I knew, though my mind yet feels dim."
The youth stared up at him, "You needed me, sire?"
He tried his best to force a smile and cheerful tone, "Of course! You're my son, and I was hoping to talk with you."
The youth's mind spoke to him in utter rage, "Doesn't he realize I hate him? Is he so ignorant?"
"With all respect, Your Highness, I must complete my daily work post-haste, or I will find my day's duties incomplete."
The King nodded sullenly, "Of course, of course my son. You have much to do and little time to do it. Please, by all means, and may Advent be with you in your day."
The youth bowed, and strode out.

Aaron sighed while leaning against the wall opposite to the opened gold doors, and as they close behind them, his eyes look up into Ryan's.
"He means well."
Ryan stared at him in astonishment, his fists clenched. "He's a greedy old pig." he seethed behind clashed teeth.
The knight shrugged, "Well, you haven't much to do. What will you say to him when he finds you're done with your work before high sun?"
His cold red eyes remain unchanging.
"I don't know; I don't care." he responded, looking away. "Damn," he thought, "he has such a piercing gaze..."
"I suppose since you are to work all day, I will personally train you until sun down."
"Oh Advent!!" his mind screamed in supreme anguish, "No!"
Finally, after several speechless moments of twitching, pain-stricken eyes, he gains his voice just long enough to croak, "No!"
His mind remembering all too well the first and only time they've trained together, etched into the steel of his brain like a volcano's ever-fire searing at his nerves, bringing forth images of pure viciousness given reaper's form.
"Be in the courtyard by High Sun" Aaron finally said, entirely ignoring his refusal. Then walked away in a seemingly slow gait, though when the prince finally gained his composure and looked down the hall, he could not see Sir Aaron.

Finally, High Sun, and he was in the courtyard. He couldn't believe the grueling labor he was facing with such calm a mind and body.
Sir Aaron silently stalked towards Ryan. He saw Sir Aaron, though he didn't..."see"...him, his mind just didn't register it as being him.

Eventually, Sir Aaron came to a halt in front of the prince and saluted, "It is time for your training." he announced sternly.
He left out the sigh, "Though, there is news you should hear."
The prince stared at him silently, it was rare that Sir Aaron chose to personally deliver any news.
"Your Father, the King, has chosen not to declare war on the Kingdom of Adratos."
"What?!" Ryan immediately responded, "And why the hell not?! They killed his brother!"

---

As usual, PLEASE leave a comment telling me how I did, especially if you didn't like it. Please be descriptive.

Yes, no plan for a story i's usually not good, however even a general direction i's enough for some (let it flow how it wants to, if you will). The level of description of characters and actions i's incredible, though on reflection you tend to ignore setting... I didn't notice till now cause so do I usu but anyway there's a lot of potential here -- sounds like something outa Shakespeare mixed with a famous fantasy writer or something -- you're on your way to greatness, dude, don't slip now. ^_^

Honestly, the setting isn't of import yet, since it's just a boring castle and blah blah blah. The entire point is that he's been to these places before. When I go into his actual adventuring, I'm going to put more detail into what's around him. That, or I'll leave it out like a total dick and go commit senpuku for my dishonorable forgetfulness.

Fair enough. you wanted commentary, you got it. Criticism: the art of pointing out flaws nobody cared about or noticed until you pointed them out. XD

No, don't mistake me, I'm very grateful for your comments, especially since you're the only commentator. It's nice to have even one person willing to give you a hand in exchange for reading--even if they thought it sucked. (not referring to you on that)

Understood. ^_^

I think it was very well written, and I see the makings of a plot in progress. I'm also getting a semblance of the characters' personalities, and that's very important to me, because I'm not very fond of flat characters who are there simply because the plot- or lack thereof- calls for it. I like that there are relationships established between each character, like Ryan's hatred for his father, his father's desire and pain for his son's company, the way Ryan views Aaron, and all that.

Please keep writing! ^ ^ I'd love to see what happens next!