05-08-2010, 12:12 PM
A grand perception of things would be a great view of detail on my part. The thing is I never really see the point of most things people call “enjoyment.” Right now I think I am almost to the point of losing it. No. Scratch that, I am at the brink of becoming angry for no reason again. You see a lot of this emotion has to come from my family. How nothing seems right anymore. But the thing is, everything is right. Its just the people in general make it hard to withstand anyone day by day. You guys know I already lost my interests and or hope for my family. Because of the consistent lying and stupid actions on they’re part. Oh the drama. Oh the terror! Feh. The real issue is this. I try to enjoy a full day. When I do I feel accomplished at the end of this set day. Now I feel like a mixture of hate and death defying motivation that lacks the proper motives and emotions to handle. So I hide my anger. I shadow it with a blanket I like to call “Doubts.” There would be no benefit if I released my anger on someone else. There would not be any happiness either. But to think summer break is coming up. With all this going on now, it makes you think how I am going to handle them in the summer. Oh well I guess. Got to do what I got to do.
Another thing. Yesterday I finally talked to Joel. Not much to say really, I’ve been giving him constructive criticism for a while now for his videos and on what to do to make it better. He kept saying how he felt guilty and crap. No. I told him no more friendship. No more sap crap. Because I quit being friends with him because he didn’t like me or even enjoy talking to me. So the point of being friends with him was pointless. There is very little things now that actually make me mad about the stupid things in the world. Why? Well a lot of it comes from how much stupidity I go through daily. I feel like Steven. We just don’t like people and well. We hate the individuals we don’t like for the reasons we have. We all have our own reasons; I just have a little more hate for them than the average human being. Like I say, “Never feel empathy for those who feel none for others.” But what do you do? Idk. Seems pretty bad day by day this point.
You know what else is hard? Finding someone to love. Yes good old Ryan is out in the open looking for those darn fish in the sea. It’s a lot harder to find someone to match with me. Its because I am pretty odd in short. First of all I rarely talk, and when I do talk I scare people with the thoughts in my head. So I clear my head of thoughts when I talk to someone. Another problem with me is that I can talk too much. Meaning if you wanted a someone conversation with me I wouldn’t let you get a word out. But I quit doing this also. I also have a tendency to be nervous around people. So being able to stay with communication standards is hard. Here are a couple others. I am a nerd, a gamer, A graphic designer, and a musician. Honestly who would want me? The only thing they would like me for is my personality. I am not that bad of a human being. I just don’t like others. But even people don’t like others also. I dunno. Finding someone is a lot harder than is looks. Oi. Well guys that’s whats going on with me.
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Tyring to enjoy life. But it seems to get harder by the day. Life I guess.
Another thing. Yesterday I finally talked to Joel. Not much to say really, I’ve been giving him constructive criticism for a while now for his videos and on what to do to make it better. He kept saying how he felt guilty and crap. No. I told him no more friendship. No more sap crap. Because I quit being friends with him because he didn’t like me or even enjoy talking to me. So the point of being friends with him was pointless. There is very little things now that actually make me mad about the stupid things in the world. Why? Well a lot of it comes from how much stupidity I go through daily. I feel like Steven. We just don’t like people and well. We hate the individuals we don’t like for the reasons we have. We all have our own reasons; I just have a little more hate for them than the average human being. Like I say, “Never feel empathy for those who feel none for others.” But what do you do? Idk. Seems pretty bad day by day this point.
You know what else is hard? Finding someone to love. Yes good old Ryan is out in the open looking for those darn fish in the sea. It’s a lot harder to find someone to match with me. Its because I am pretty odd in short. First of all I rarely talk, and when I do talk I scare people with the thoughts in my head. So I clear my head of thoughts when I talk to someone. Another problem with me is that I can talk too much. Meaning if you wanted a someone conversation with me I wouldn’t let you get a word out. But I quit doing this also. I also have a tendency to be nervous around people. So being able to stay with communication standards is hard. Here are a couple others. I am a nerd, a gamer, A graphic designer, and a musician. Honestly who would want me? The only thing they would like me for is my personality. I am not that bad of a human being. I just don’t like others. But even people don’t like others also. I dunno. Finding someone is a lot harder than is looks. Oi. Well guys that’s whats going on with me.
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Tyring to enjoy life. But it seems to get harder by the day. Life I guess.