08-21-2006, 02:57 AM
I daresay he's a very inventive author, but I was only judging that story. I'm not going to read something quite as long as End Game, especially when everyone seems to have read it.
Today's reveiw is about Saber Gatomon, and the first chapter of Gatomon's Pride, Cats Do Lay Eggs.
No indent. It does, however, appear that paragraphs are properly spaced, which is always a boon.
"Also" renders "as well" obsolite. Everyone seems to be in order, though the dialogue does feel slightly out.
A spelling mistake, "bot" instead of "not", made me re-read the same sentence several times to make me see where I'd gone wrong.
I don't think Gatomon would use "lummox". I'm finding this wooden.
This whole "...normally he wouldn't have done this but..." business is an author realising he's writing out of character and trying desperately to explain why he's doing it. This fiction feels so wooden I could carve a chair out of it.
But the dialogue does seem like something Gomamon would say, I just don't think he'd be crying. He'd be more likely to be paniced.
The grammar is iffy in Gatomon's text: he's joined two sentences that shouldn't be joined.
I like Gomamon's blush, but Salamon wasn't on File Island. That's one of the big plot points of the series.
Kari's less likely to be "What!? I am outraged that such a thing could happen!" and more "Oh, goodness! Is she alright!?" And Joe wouldn't say anything along the lines of memory, except, perhaps, "won't forget in a hurry", so where this twisited speech came from, I don't know.
Gomamon is talking about the past, not telling tales of the present. And he wouldn't have thought he should have "known better": he's jybing comes naturally, and I'd have thought Gatomon would be more adult about it.
Is it Kari's time? She's going back and forth like a pendilum.
You don't need days for something like like that. A couple of hours would be enough.
Gatomon: faster than a speeding bullet.
That sort of a length would sink Gomamon. He can fit in Joe's arms, why should he render him so inadequate?
The sex sceen is as plain as a black plaid ankle length skirt.
Joe would feel too much a responciblity toward Kari's moral welbeing to talk quite so frankly as that. Kari's too traditional to talk about it openly, either. They'd both blush, and look away from each other.
This bargain is also so far out of character I can't come up with any colourful metaphors to discribe it.
Well at least the encoure is of a better quality than the original proformance. We've establish that aliens have replaced the actual characters, though.
I've always hated this "Several hours later" convention. It's a huge cop out: we should be able to tell that it's later by the way the author writes.
Gatomon is a champion, anyway. She's just a very weak one without her tailring.
Overall, if you're looking for a Joe/Kari, Gomamon/Gatmon lemon go somewhere else, because none of those characters are in that story by the sex scene.
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![[Image: DADSJPEG.jpg]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v80/Kanae/DADSJPEG.jpg)
You don't see anyone making "Congradulations Herr Mullen!" topics.
Today's reveiw is about Saber Gatomon, and the first chapter of Gatomon's Pride, Cats Do Lay Eggs.
No indent. It does, however, appear that paragraphs are properly spaced, which is always a boon.
"Also" renders "as well" obsolite. Everyone seems to be in order, though the dialogue does feel slightly out.
A spelling mistake, "bot" instead of "not", made me re-read the same sentence several times to make me see where I'd gone wrong.
I don't think Gatomon would use "lummox". I'm finding this wooden.
This whole "...normally he wouldn't have done this but..." business is an author realising he's writing out of character and trying desperately to explain why he's doing it. This fiction feels so wooden I could carve a chair out of it.
But the dialogue does seem like something Gomamon would say, I just don't think he'd be crying. He'd be more likely to be paniced.
The grammar is iffy in Gatomon's text: he's joined two sentences that shouldn't be joined.
I like Gomamon's blush, but Salamon wasn't on File Island. That's one of the big plot points of the series.
Kari's less likely to be "What!? I am outraged that such a thing could happen!" and more "Oh, goodness! Is she alright!?" And Joe wouldn't say anything along the lines of memory, except, perhaps, "won't forget in a hurry", so where this twisited speech came from, I don't know.
Gomamon is talking about the past, not telling tales of the present. And he wouldn't have thought he should have "known better": he's jybing comes naturally, and I'd have thought Gatomon would be more adult about it.
Is it Kari's time? She's going back and forth like a pendilum.
You don't need days for something like like that. A couple of hours would be enough.
Gatomon: faster than a speeding bullet.
That sort of a length would sink Gomamon. He can fit in Joe's arms, why should he render him so inadequate?
The sex sceen is as plain as a black plaid ankle length skirt.
Joe would feel too much a responciblity toward Kari's moral welbeing to talk quite so frankly as that. Kari's too traditional to talk about it openly, either. They'd both blush, and look away from each other.
This bargain is also so far out of character I can't come up with any colourful metaphors to discribe it.
Well at least the encoure is of a better quality than the original proformance. We've establish that aliens have replaced the actual characters, though.
I've always hated this "Several hours later" convention. It's a huge cop out: we should be able to tell that it's later by the way the author writes.
Gatomon is a champion, anyway. She's just a very weak one without her tailring.
Overall, if you're looking for a Joe/Kari, Gomamon/Gatmon lemon go somewhere else, because none of those characters are in that story by the sex scene.
_________________
You don't see anyone making "Congradulations Herr Mullen!" topics.