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a story for Gunter VanCrimson (yaoi)

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a story for Gunter VanCrimson (yaoi)
circeus Offline
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#11
05-09-2006, 12:40 PM
I have to say I found it really amazing. very hot. Guilmon with a Bukkake fetish is a very interesting twist.

I'd consider reworking the sentence where you refer back to Veemon ("This drove Veemon wild.") It made me do a double/triple take, in a "WTF when did he get in there" manner.

Also, it looks like there's alittle continuity glitch. Guilmon's first laod seems to... disappear at some point between his orgasm and Gabumon moving down his body.
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Messages In This Thread
a story for Gunter VanCrimson (yaoi) - by senjuro - 05-08-2006, 02:38 PM
[No subject] - by DragonMasterX - 05-08-2006, 03:38 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-08-2006, 04:18 PM
[No subject] - by senjuro - 05-08-2006, 08:37 PM
[No subject] - by DragonMasterX - 05-08-2006, 09:03 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-08-2006, 09:27 PM
[No subject] - by DragonMasterX - 05-08-2006, 09:56 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-08-2006, 10:04 PM
[No subject] - by Herr Mullen - 05-09-2006, 01:59 AM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 05-09-2006, 09:00 AM
[No subject] - by circeus - 05-09-2006, 12:40 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-11-2006, 06:49 PM
[No subject] - by DragonMasterX - 05-12-2006, 12:22 AM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-12-2006, 10:34 PM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 05-13-2006, 09:24 AM
[No subject] - by circeus - 05-13-2006, 11:24 AM
[No subject] - by DragonMasterX - 05-13-2006, 12:06 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-14-2006, 05:58 PM
[No subject] - by Flamedramon4ever - 05-15-2006, 10:12 AM
[No subject] - by DV85 - 05-15-2006, 10:24 AM
[No subject] - by Shadowknight - 05-15-2006, 11:32 AM
[No subject] - by DragonMasterX - 05-15-2006, 11:39 AM
[No subject] - by circeus - 05-15-2006, 11:52 AM
[No subject] - by DragonMasterX - 05-15-2006, 12:03 PM
[No subject] - by circeus - 05-15-2006, 02:01 PM
[No subject] - by Shadowknight - 05-15-2006, 04:59 PM
[No subject] - by circeus - 05-15-2006, 11:07 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-17-2006, 01:42 AM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 05-17-2006, 03:46 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-17-2006, 09:09 PM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 05-18-2006, 04:28 AM
[No subject] - by DV85 - 05-18-2006, 12:33 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-18-2006, 10:05 PM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 05-19-2006, 02:41 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-21-2006, 07:57 PM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 05-22-2006, 03:24 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-22-2006, 10:36 PM
[No subject] - by circeus - 05-23-2006, 12:15 AM
[No subject] - by senjuro - 05-23-2006, 05:42 AM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-23-2006, 02:43 PM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 05-23-2006, 03:41 PM
[No subject] - by DragonMasterX - 05-23-2006, 11:20 PM
[No subject] - by senjuro - 05-24-2006, 12:03 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-24-2006, 04:21 PM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 05-25-2006, 02:26 PM
[No subject] - by Gunter VanCrimson - 05-25-2006, 06:53 PM
[No subject] - by senjuro - 07-05-2006, 11:05 PM
[No subject] - by DrakeRR - 07-06-2006, 05:56 PM
[No subject] - by senjuro - 07-06-2006, 08:28 PM
[No subject] - by DrakeRR - 07-06-2006, 10:48 PM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 07-07-2006, 02:59 AM
[No subject] - by senjuro - 07-07-2006, 01:13 PM
[No subject] - by blueeyedgabulvo0o - 07-07-2006, 02:19 PM