07-25-2006, 07:48 AM
Well, it's sorta complicated.I broke up with my ex in March after two years because I felt alone and like he couldn't help me and that he wasn't really being all that supportive and well, I suffered from that and then I dated another guy for about a month and was starting to love him and then he cheated on me so, more stress and grief and it was around this time I had to start taking medication for stomach cramps, which can be caused by stress, and I was getting some blood tests to see if I was anemic and so then I had a fight with my best friend. The other ex, not the two year one was still trying to get back with me and was following me around in school and he scared the crap out of me last time cause i thought he was gonna hit me.Then I visited New Jersey two weeks ago because thats where I used to live and i have friends and family there and then, I realized I still loved my ex and he told me he loved me and at this time he was with my best friend, still is, and he kissed me and hugged me and we acted like a couple.I thought we were gonna get back together and then he said that he couldnt kiss me and we couldnt be together cause of his Gf and that he realized he loved her and couldn't. I had a panic attack about 4 days ago because I finally told him over Yahoo Instant Messenger how i really felt and everything I had been holding in for months.It was intense and much and well I had a panic attack because I loved him and I wanted to be with him and we couldnt and Lonely Gabu and him were both trying to calm me down.With time they did.And so, my ex and I are friends but we fight alot and I dont know. I feel depressed because Im not sure if I can love someone like I loved him.I just cant be happy.Ive had 3 boyfriends and1 girlfriend and the relationships didnt last long.The first bf lasted a month, the second, 2 weeks and the gf, 2 weeks. I'm alone inside and I just wanted to cut myself while I was in New Jersey and slice my wrists and let myself bleed just to show my ex all the pain he was putting me through and what hes done to me. But, that was around the time I met Lonely Gabu and hes been like my bro since, we're convinced we're soul kin. He read me like a book and I felt like I've known him for a long time and I'm comfortable with him. What makes me happy? I dont know, you can try to guess or try to see what does.Im sorry for rambling on like that. Yeah, I told you I'm pathetic and weak.