05-17-2006, 03:37 PM
Another funny nun joke,
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren," and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No, sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
If you laugh, you are going straight to hell!
Some stories have morals,
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. The hot, dry fly said out loud to no one in particular, "Gosh...if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."
There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly...and I will grab him."
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish...and I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."
Now you probably think there has been enough activity, but I can tell you there's more.
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish...then the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish...and that hunter shoots that bear...and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich... then I can have mouse for lunch."
The poor fly is finally SO hot and SO dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.
The fish swallows the fly. The bear grabs the fish. The hunter shoots the bear. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich. The cat jumps for the mouse. The mouse ducks, and the cat falls into the water and drowns.
The moral of the story is: Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy is in serious danger.
Smart people,
There were four men on a plane a lawyer, a doctor, a priest, and a young boy. The plane started to crash and there was only three parachuts. The lawyer says that he is one of the smartest men in the world takes a parachute and jumps. Then the doctor says that he saves lifes so he should get a parachute and he jumps. Then the priest says to the boy I have had a long life you take the parachute. The boy turns around and says that wont be nessasary the smartest man on earth just took my backpack.
Obligatory blonde joke,
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "That's a thermos . .. it keeps some things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. "Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be.
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren," and *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.
"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says, "No, sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
If you laugh, you are going straight to hell!
Some stories have morals,
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. The hot, dry fly said out loud to no one in particular, "Gosh...if I go down three inches, I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed."
There was a fish in the water thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him."
There was a bear on the shore thinking, "Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, that fish will jump for the fly...and I will grab him."
It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. "Gosh," he thought, "if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish leaps for it...that bear will expose himself and grab for the fish...and I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch."
Now you probably think there has been enough activity, but I can tell you there's more.
A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish...then the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich."
A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as was fashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunch time, "Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches...and that fish jumps for that fly...and that bear grabs for that fish...and that hunter shoots that bear...and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich... then I can have mouse for lunch."
The poor fly is finally SO hot and SO dry that he heads down for the cooling mist of the water.
The fish swallows the fly. The bear grabs the fish. The hunter shoots the bear. The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich. The cat jumps for the mouse. The mouse ducks, and the cat falls into the water and drowns.
The moral of the story is: Whenever a fly goes down three inches, some pussy is in serious danger.
Smart people,
There were four men on a plane a lawyer, a doctor, a priest, and a young boy. The plane started to crash and there was only three parachuts. The lawyer says that he is one of the smartest men in the world takes a parachute and jumps. Then the doctor says that he saves lifes so he should get a parachute and he jumps. Then the priest says to the boy I have had a long life you take the parachute. The boy turns around and says that wont be nessasary the smartest man on earth just took my backpack.
Obligatory blonde joke,
A blonde was shopping at a Target Store and came across a silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, "That's a thermos . .. it keeps some things hot and some things cold."
"Wow, said the blonde, "that's amazing. I'm going to buy it!" So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. "What do you have there?" he asked. "Why, that's a thermos . . . it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold," she replied. Her boss inquired, "What do you have in it?" The blond replied, "Two Popsicles, and some coffee".
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
