05-14-2006, 05:00 PM
When people say, "You don't know jack shit." tell them this,
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a lose for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!".
Read on & you will be able to handle the situation intelligently.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt & O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc.
Jack Schitt Married Noe Schitt, & the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, & the twins Deap Schitt & Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt Married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out.
After 15 years of marriage, Jack Schitt & Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, & out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, & became Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt. The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt & Giva Schitt, inseparable throughout childhood, subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, & Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt.
So, NOW if someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!", you can beg to differ. You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list!
Thought for the day
There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
Wouldn't be one of my joke posts without a blonde joke,
So there are three girls: an ugly redhead, a fat brunet, and a dumb blonde.
The three girls are at a historical inn.
They stop to take a tour, the innkeeeper showed them a mirror.
He said that if you tell a lie in front of it, you disappear.
The ugly redhead goes up to the mirror and says, "I think I'm pretty" and
POOF! She disappears.
Then the fat brunet goes up to the mirror and says,"I think I'm slim" and
POOF! She was gone too.
Then the dumb blonde goes up to the mirror and says "I think", and
POOF! She was gone.
Not much to say about this one,
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Kansas where a woman may
go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6
floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper
ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any
floor you may choose a man from that floor. But, if you go up a floor, you
cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better
than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's
further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good
looking. "Hmmm, better" she says "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking
and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more
further up!"
And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,
help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further
on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor # 3,456,789,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof
that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart and have a nice day
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a lose for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!".
Read on & you will be able to handle the situation intelligently.
Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt & O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, a partner of Kneedeep & Schitt, Inc.
Jack Schitt Married Noe Schitt, & the deeply religious couple begat 6 children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, & the twins Deap Schitt & Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' wishes, Deap Schitt Married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out.
After 15 years of marriage, Jack Schitt & Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married a Mr. Sherlock, & out of devotion to her children, decided to hyphenate her last name, & became Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married a woman named Loda Dung, who became Loda Schitt. The couple produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt & Giva Schitt, inseparable throughout childhood, subsequently married the Happens brothers. The local newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding, which was quite an event. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, & Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He returned from his travels with his Italian bride, Piza Schitt.
So, NOW if someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt!", you can beg to differ. You not only know Jack Schitt, but the entire Schitt list!
Thought for the day
There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge
erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them
Wouldn't be one of my joke posts without a blonde joke,
So there are three girls: an ugly redhead, a fat brunet, and a dumb blonde.
The three girls are at a historical inn.
They stop to take a tour, the innkeeeper showed them a mirror.
He said that if you tell a lie in front of it, you disappear.
The ugly redhead goes up to the mirror and says, "I think I'm pretty" and
POOF! She disappears.
Then the fat brunet goes up to the mirror and says,"I think I'm slim" and
POOF! She was gone too.
Then the dumb blonde goes up to the mirror and says "I think", and
POOF! She was gone.
Not much to say about this one,
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Kansas where a woman may
go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6
floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper
ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any
floor you may choose a man from that floor. But, if you go up a floor, you
cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better
than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's
further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good
looking. "Hmmm, better" she says "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking
and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more
further up!"
And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,
help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further
on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor # 3,456,789,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof
that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping Husband-Mart and have a nice day
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
