05-13-2006, 09:45 AM
Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job..
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is very important that these four men don't know each other.
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't get some support soon,
people will think we're nuts."
Always get a second opinion,
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad
news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove
the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in
20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As
he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new
suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the
mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know? Been in the business
60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably
around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years
old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell of a headache."
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
Sweet revenge,
One December day we found an old straggly cat at
our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled
terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her,
put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what
to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep
her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could
come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't
forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was
his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and
my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband
'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They
love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with
my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his
doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see
the doctor.
A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had
obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my
husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink
any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like
a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only
knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
hahahahahahahahahahahaha....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job..
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is very important that these four men don't know each other.
One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:
"If we don't get some support soon,
people will think we're nuts."
Always get a second opinion,
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad
news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,
which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates
one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove
the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in
20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As
he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person.
He could make a new beginning and live a new life.
He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new
suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, it fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the
mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."
The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck."
Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know? Been in the business
60 years."
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably
around the shop, and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?"
Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure."
The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36."
Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years
old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would
press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one
hell of a headache."
New suit - $400
New shirt - $36
New underwear - $6
Second Opinion - PRICELESS
Sweet revenge,
One December day we found an old straggly cat at
our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled
terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her,
put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what
to call her, so we named her "Pussycat." The vet decided to keep
her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could
come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't
forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was
his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and
my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband
'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They
love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with
my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his
doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see
the doctor.
A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had
obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my
husband and in a loud voice said, "Your wife's pussy doesn't stink
any more and it's finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like
a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only
knows who the father is!" Then he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
hahahahahahahahahahahaha....
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
