05-11-2006, 02:54 PM
More random thoughts,
Why does the sun lighten our hair,
but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara
with their mouths closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting,
who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes?????
Why don't they make the whole plane
out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?
Bra Sizes,
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but
couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you
became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up
Yet another boy that'll be scarred for life,
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
Don't mess with nuns,
SITTING BEHIND A COUPLE OF NUNS AT A BASEBALL GAME (WHOSE HABITS PARTIALLY
BLOCKED THE VIEW), THREE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS IN AN EFFORT TO
GET THEM TO MOVE.
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO
UTAH, THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA, THERE ARE ONLY
5O NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO, THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING
THERE."
ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET,
CALM VOICE SAID, "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL ... THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS
THERE."
Why does the sun lighten our hair,
but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara
with their mouths closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor,
and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money
called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic
called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting,
who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes?????
Why don't they make the whole plane
out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments
when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro,
is Congress the opposite of progress?
Bra Sizes,
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but
couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you
became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous!
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up
Yet another boy that'll be scarred for life,
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."
Don't mess with nuns,
SITTING BEHIND A COUPLE OF NUNS AT A BASEBALL GAME (WHOSE HABITS PARTIALLY
BLOCKED THE VIEW), THREE MEN DECIDED TO BADGER THE NUNS IN AN EFFORT TO
GET THEM TO MOVE.
IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO
UTAH, THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA, THERE ARE ONLY
5O NUNS LIVING THERE."
THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO, THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS LIVING
THERE."
ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET,
CALM VOICE SAID, "WHY DON'T YOU GO TO HELL ... THERE AREN'T ANY NUNS
THERE."
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
