05-08-2006, 03:50 AM
This is why I don't trust old people.
>>A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him
>>around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring
>>at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to
>>him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just
>>that you look so much like my late son."
>>
>>He answered, "That's okay."
>>
>>"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I
>>leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
>>
>>She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the
>>store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mother." The little old lady
>>waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little
>>sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
>>
>>"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
>>
>>"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
>>
>>The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things,
>>too."
New definition to the term, 'butthead'.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The
doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body
because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the
only
skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
from
his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where
the
skin
came from, and
requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this
was a
very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
new
beauty. She looked
more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and
relatives
just
went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at
his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything
you
did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I
see
your
mother kiss you on the
cheek!"
I'm not sure what to say about these,
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
******************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you
don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
Come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**************************
>>A guy shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him
>>around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring
>>at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to
>>him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just
>>that you look so much like my late son."
>>
>>He answered, "That's okay."
>>
>>"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I
>>leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
>>
>>She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the
>>store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mother." The little old lady
>>waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little
>>sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.
>>
>>"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.
>>
>>"How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.."
>>
>>The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd pay for her things,
>>too."
New definition to the term, 'butthead'.
A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The
doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body
because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the
only
skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come
from
his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where
the
skin
came from, and
requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this
was a
very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's
new
beauty. She looked
more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and
relatives
just
went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with
emotion at
his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for
everything
you
did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"
"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I
see
your
mother kiss you on the
cheek!"
I'm not sure what to say about these,
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
******************************
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************
On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
**************************
At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************
On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************
At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right
place."
**************************
On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************
On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************
At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
**************************
Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************
At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you
don't, you will be."
**************************
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry,
Come on in and get fed up."
**************************
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************
And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."
**************************
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
