02-24-2006, 03:43 AM
I love farm jokes.
A man decides that city life is too much for him and decides to move to the country and start a farm. He goes to a poultry ranch to get started, "Hello I'd like to buy a rooster."
The man behind the counter shook his head, "'round here we call 'em a cock."
The man bought the animal and headed to his next destination to buy another animal, "Hello I'd like to buy a donkey."
Again a man behind the counter shook his head, "Listen 'ere city slicker, 'round 'ere we call 'em an ass." the man behind the counter rang up the purchase and was giving the man his change, "Now if your ass starts acting up just give 'im a scratch behind the ears n' he'll be fine."
The city man thanked him and headed out the store. A short way from his new house the donkey started getting figeddy. The man found a young woman and stopped her, "Excuse me, would you mind holding my cock while I scratch my ass."
And one of my favorite animal jokes.
A womans washing machine broke so she called up a plumber to fix it. She told him that she had to work and that the key would be under the mat and to leave the bill on the counter. Before she hung up she said, "I have a large dog but he won't bother you, but whatever you do do not talk to the bird. No matter what DON'T TALK TO THE BIRD."
The man came over the next day and found the key under the mat. He entered the building and sitting on a large bed was the biggest, meanest, ugliest, dog the man had ever seen, but like the woman had said the dog simply watched him as he went about his work. The bird on the other hand was slowly driving the man insane, it was constantly swearing at him, insulting him, and just plain annoying him. After a short while the man lost his temper and shouted at the bird, "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU STUPID BIRD."
The bird stared at him for a second and then said, "Sic him spike."
And,
A man and woman were going out for their anniversary. As they were heading out the door to a waiting taxi the cat that they had put out earlier saw it's opening and ran back into the house. The man went back in after the cat as the woman went to wait in the taxi. The woman didn't want the driver to know the house would be empty so she told him that her husband was saying goodnight to her mother.
The man came out shortly later and got into the taxi, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid bitch ran under a bed, so I had to poke at her with a coat hanger till she came out, then I had to throw a towel over her so she wouldn't bit me, then I dragged her ass downstairs and tossed her ass into the backyard."
I'll post more later.
A man decides that city life is too much for him and decides to move to the country and start a farm. He goes to a poultry ranch to get started, "Hello I'd like to buy a rooster."
The man behind the counter shook his head, "'round here we call 'em a cock."
The man bought the animal and headed to his next destination to buy another animal, "Hello I'd like to buy a donkey."
Again a man behind the counter shook his head, "Listen 'ere city slicker, 'round 'ere we call 'em an ass." the man behind the counter rang up the purchase and was giving the man his change, "Now if your ass starts acting up just give 'im a scratch behind the ears n' he'll be fine."
The city man thanked him and headed out the store. A short way from his new house the donkey started getting figeddy. The man found a young woman and stopped her, "Excuse me, would you mind holding my cock while I scratch my ass."
And one of my favorite animal jokes.
A womans washing machine broke so she called up a plumber to fix it. She told him that she had to work and that the key would be under the mat and to leave the bill on the counter. Before she hung up she said, "I have a large dog but he won't bother you, but whatever you do do not talk to the bird. No matter what DON'T TALK TO THE BIRD."
The man came over the next day and found the key under the mat. He entered the building and sitting on a large bed was the biggest, meanest, ugliest, dog the man had ever seen, but like the woman had said the dog simply watched him as he went about his work. The bird on the other hand was slowly driving the man insane, it was constantly swearing at him, insulting him, and just plain annoying him. After a short while the man lost his temper and shouted at the bird, "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU STUPID BIRD."
The bird stared at him for a second and then said, "Sic him spike."
And,
A man and woman were going out for their anniversary. As they were heading out the door to a waiting taxi the cat that they had put out earlier saw it's opening and ran back into the house. The man went back in after the cat as the woman went to wait in the taxi. The woman didn't want the driver to know the house would be empty so she told him that her husband was saying goodnight to her mother.
The man came out shortly later and got into the taxi, "Sorry I took so long. The stupid bitch ran under a bed, so I had to poke at her with a coat hanger till she came out, then I had to throw a towel over her so she wouldn't bit me, then I dragged her ass downstairs and tossed her ass into the backyard."
I'll post more later.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
