10-28-2003, 07:29 AM
Oh, I don't really think he's worried about me having a crush on him. First of all, he's way too naieve to ever pick up on that. Secondly, it's not like I'm asking him to go out and have a drink as some kind of "date" or anything... we regularly go out and get coffee or pancakes or whatever together (or at least we used to, much more than we do now) and it was always cool. There was never any kind of tension there because we were just hainging out, you know? I guess the only reason that I mentioned his refusal to go get a drink (i.e. alcohol) with me is to show that he's a really conservative guy. I mean, we once had a conversation about marriage in which he told me that he would not allow any alcohol at his wedding. I really don't understand his rationale for that (look in the Bible... Jesus saved the day when they ran out of wine at a wedding he was attending!) but it's not an issue I feel obliged to take up with him.
He knows that he can always take a friend with him if we go out, but it's to the point now where he's basically distanced himself from everyone but me (because as his roommate, that's almost impossible) and his girlfriend. So if he was ever to take anyone else out with us, it would be his girlfriend, in which case the outing would suddenly turn into another date between them, and I would simply become the third wheel... again. It's hard having feelings for someone but knowing that they've got tunnel vision for someone else. I've pretty much accepted it though, and I'm trying to move on, though it's hard when you're out of school and unsure of how to meet new people. I certainly don't want to be hanging out in bars or clubs all the time. Not my style, really.
As for my life online, well, I don't tell anyone about that. First of all, most people, gay or straight, liberal or conservative, young or old, don't know what hentai is, and they really can't be expected to grasp how a 24 year-old guy could seriously be into Digimon. I keep all that to myself, knowing that it's not really worth trying to explain it to others, and in effect, I've sort of fallen into living a double lifestyle of sorts. Most of the time I go about my life, which at the moment, is struggling to find a decent job, dealing with my sexuality, and spending time with my friends and family. However, I spend quite a bit of time exploring the depths of my id (take that term anyway you want to) and looking at hentai and other pr0n (though most of it actually isn't that explicit) and reading fanfics. That's my private life, and I don't expect anyone to really understand it. If I were you, I wouldn't stress about revealing the stuff you do online to other people in your life. As for your sexuality though, I wouldn't tell you to keep that bottled up. If you don't feel inclined to tell anyone about it at any given moment, that's fine. But if it's a part of you that you want to let out, maybe you might find that telling people you care about could strengthen your self-esteem and open up communication in your relationships. But hey, I'm no expert and you've always seemed to have it together pretty well (as if we can tell from someone's posts on a message board!), so do whatever you feel you have to do now. Once I figure out what that is, that's what I'm going to do. :roll:
He knows that he can always take a friend with him if we go out, but it's to the point now where he's basically distanced himself from everyone but me (because as his roommate, that's almost impossible) and his girlfriend. So if he was ever to take anyone else out with us, it would be his girlfriend, in which case the outing would suddenly turn into another date between them, and I would simply become the third wheel... again. It's hard having feelings for someone but knowing that they've got tunnel vision for someone else. I've pretty much accepted it though, and I'm trying to move on, though it's hard when you're out of school and unsure of how to meet new people. I certainly don't want to be hanging out in bars or clubs all the time. Not my style, really.
As for my life online, well, I don't tell anyone about that. First of all, most people, gay or straight, liberal or conservative, young or old, don't know what hentai is, and they really can't be expected to grasp how a 24 year-old guy could seriously be into Digimon. I keep all that to myself, knowing that it's not really worth trying to explain it to others, and in effect, I've sort of fallen into living a double lifestyle of sorts. Most of the time I go about my life, which at the moment, is struggling to find a decent job, dealing with my sexuality, and spending time with my friends and family. However, I spend quite a bit of time exploring the depths of my id (take that term anyway you want to) and looking at hentai and other pr0n (though most of it actually isn't that explicit) and reading fanfics. That's my private life, and I don't expect anyone to really understand it. If I were you, I wouldn't stress about revealing the stuff you do online to other people in your life. As for your sexuality though, I wouldn't tell you to keep that bottled up. If you don't feel inclined to tell anyone about it at any given moment, that's fine. But if it's a part of you that you want to let out, maybe you might find that telling people you care about could strengthen your self-esteem and open up communication in your relationships. But hey, I'm no expert and you've always seemed to have it together pretty well (as if we can tell from someone's posts on a message board!), so do whatever you feel you have to do now. Once I figure out what that is, that's what I'm going to do. :roll: