10-16-2003, 07:49 PM
I think you're probably overthinking the issue. I know that when certain things troubled me, including my own bisexuality, I was always assuming the worst case scenario. After all, it's the easiest way to be safe. However, chances are that things aren't as bad for you as you're making them out to be. Unspoken agreements mean unspoken misunderstandings. Even when you think you really know someone, you still don't until you actually confront the issue. I was way off-base with my own mother when I chose to leave the boy scouts (which I now maintain because it's a bigoted group).
As far as their anti-gay behavior, it may not necessarily be that they actually are repulsed, but are taught to be repulsed. Even I cringe by habit when I see that kind of stuff sometimes, and I share it! :shock: I was brought up to pretty much be anti-gay more by my peers than anything else, and that instilled some pretty bad habits. Anyway, getting back on your situation, that might be the case for them, that they believe it's something they should do instinctively, not that they actually want to.
Also, believe it or not, there are Christian gays. I'm not one of them (I'm Agnostic, recognizing many possibilities but believing in none), but I've heard it time and time again. I haven't thoroughly read through the passage where it mentions this, but I've heard that the only anti-gay section in the book is actually talking about straight men who raped other men the same way that animals do for dominance, and it does not imply that homosexuality is a sin. As long as there is actual attraction involved, it is not a sin. Of course, one big problem I have with such religions is that Christ specifically said that if you have any attraction to anyone you're not married to, that's adultery (which means that you can't be attracted to anyone even when you're not married, or you've violated one of the 10 Commandments), so if people get on me about that stuff, I can always go into the many contradictions in those religions and that the Bible is fallable.
As for what you can do, I think the best thing in regards to your friends and mom is to start talking about it. Not out of the blue, of course, but when something related comes up, you can talk about it in reference to other gays, then maybe slide it into personal. As far as your roommate, that's a more serious thing, but I think you should address it with him specifically. One person can be attracted without it being shared and the two people can still be friends. The important thing is for the object of your affections to know that you won't act on it as long as you know he doesn't feel the same way. He might say something along the lines of "what do you expect me to do?" The purpose of telling him is just to let it out and have it be known, rather than let it tear you up inside. It really does hurt to not express your affection, even if you know it's not shared.
As far as their anti-gay behavior, it may not necessarily be that they actually are repulsed, but are taught to be repulsed. Even I cringe by habit when I see that kind of stuff sometimes, and I share it! :shock: I was brought up to pretty much be anti-gay more by my peers than anything else, and that instilled some pretty bad habits. Anyway, getting back on your situation, that might be the case for them, that they believe it's something they should do instinctively, not that they actually want to.
Also, believe it or not, there are Christian gays. I'm not one of them (I'm Agnostic, recognizing many possibilities but believing in none), but I've heard it time and time again. I haven't thoroughly read through the passage where it mentions this, but I've heard that the only anti-gay section in the book is actually talking about straight men who raped other men the same way that animals do for dominance, and it does not imply that homosexuality is a sin. As long as there is actual attraction involved, it is not a sin. Of course, one big problem I have with such religions is that Christ specifically said that if you have any attraction to anyone you're not married to, that's adultery (which means that you can't be attracted to anyone even when you're not married, or you've violated one of the 10 Commandments), so if people get on me about that stuff, I can always go into the many contradictions in those religions and that the Bible is fallable.
As for what you can do, I think the best thing in regards to your friends and mom is to start talking about it. Not out of the blue, of course, but when something related comes up, you can talk about it in reference to other gays, then maybe slide it into personal. As far as your roommate, that's a more serious thing, but I think you should address it with him specifically. One person can be attracted without it being shared and the two people can still be friends. The important thing is for the object of your affections to know that you won't act on it as long as you know he doesn't feel the same way. He might say something along the lines of "what do you expect me to do?" The purpose of telling him is just to let it out and have it be known, rather than let it tear you up inside. It really does hurt to not express your affection, even if you know it's not shared.