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This is something you really don't want to realize until the last moment in your life. IF you don't have a relationship to uphold. But what about those who don't have one and would love to uphold the commitment to the other? I realize I am an ass a vast amount of the time. I guess its either because of the fact that I am blinded from the world because like every other insane *Or at least half of the mentally incapable. Or at least that's what 90% of my therapists have told me each fucking visit* person that can't think straight or feels like the world is out to get them. Or the fact I am alone and I am now accepting the fact.

My friend. Azul once told me that I don't realize the pain I have either caused others. Or the pain I am inflicting on myself by blinding others away from me. Now I am letting a mental illness rule my social life. Why? Because I have been told that I can not live a regular life. What the fuck is a regular life anyway? I hate people. Yes. I know. Who doesn't? We are blinded by the pure ignorance and Arrogance of others. So we don't even bother to see our image with that person. So I am here. Today as a (so and so) year old turning to a (So and so) year old. I am in school and getting a high education to further my studies and interests on design and art. Do I stop to look for a guy? Or even a girl? No. Why? Because my ignorance is being blissful and blind siding me with no cause what so ever.

Another reason why i dislike the fact of having a relationship is one of a couple reasons. one. I dont what my lover. (Say its a guy) to be hurt by this homophobic world/society and break up with me because the pain is to much for them. Or my mother wants to be a bitch to them like she does everybody else. It's either the world. Or my family. How to I change one or the other? I changed a part of one. But the part of the other isn't so easy.

So. I hate people. But I hate myself for hating people. I hurt myself mentally knowing that I am not going to achieve anything by this.

I can't uphold internet friends. Because they cant hear my voice. If they could hear the tone of my voice they would be able to know when I am joking or when I am serious. Or even the fact that my mood is so.....Messed up. I have been called mentally restarted on this forum. Where? Hell look through posts you will find it somewhere. But the point is. By this observation people would assume this. Because I hate and treat people different. Trolling? I say its another version of saying "Escape from reality" by shadowing my fear of humans and shadowing my hate. Fear and hate. It's the most thing every humans have.

So what do I do? It's not easy to go and "go talk to someone random" I wish it where that easy. But it is not. What do I do is the common question amongst people. I am here. As a equal. Asking what do I do to change myself, my attitude, feelings, and emotions towards others. With all the people who dislike me for what I did. Forget that past for a manner of 10 minutes and try to help. You want to see me change. Now is a time. I am emotionally down. I am incapable of thinking straight. And like every other person of this world. I am not a person to love. Or one to hate. But I am a person who doesn't care. If death happens I just ignore the pain. If something tragic happens I laugh. I am sadistic. But I am human.

So help me. what should I do? What can I do? Explain. I am thinking to deep into this manner. So.... Why not?

And for those who where wondering. Asked my family. They said this.

"Aw you poor fucking thing. Get used to this shit its life."

I responded. "If its life then you shouldn't have 2 husbands and you shouldn't be drinking. You should be getting a job and maintain your own bit instead of keeping 25 dogs and making everyone elses life miserable. But we can't all win can we?"

So as friends (or foes you chose) what should I do?

Well, I've dealt with similar problems for the last...7 years of my life. Pretty much exact same problems. Changing who you are rarely helps fix problems. I've went down that road, it wasn't worth it. These days, most people are pretty shallow, or just straight up jerks.

Of course, the only way to really make good friends is by coincidence. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

Anyway, there is absolutely no reason for you to change who you are simply because people don't like it. If they don't like it, too bad. But, when it comes to internet friends, I find it effective to either let'em know you are joking, or just avoid it altogether to prevent unnecessary frustration.

(10-12-2009, 11:00 AM)Aura Wrote: [ -> ]Well, I've dealt with similar problems for the last...7 years of my life. Pretty much exact same problems. Changing who you are rarely helps fix problems. I've went down that road, it wasn't worth it. These days, most people are pretty shallow, or just straight up jerks.

Of course, the only way to really make good friends is by coincidence. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out.

Anyway, there is absolutely no reason for you to change who you are simply because people don't like it. If they don't like it, too bad. But, when it comes to internet friends, I find it effective to either let'em know you are joking, or just avoid it altogether to prevent unnecessary frustration.

Yeah. I see what you mean there. I think I am a Sociopath. But who knows. But I really just don't know anymore. I have had issues like this before. But This seems more "Big" than the times before hand. *sigh* Any other suggestions?

It's okay to feel alone and to want to be alone if that's what you really want. In my case, it wasn't. I was just picky about with whom I wouldn't still feel alone.

(10-12-2009, 12:16 PM)Wisemon Wrote: [ -> ]It's okay to feel alone and to want to be alone if that's what you really want. In my case, it wasn't. I was just picky about with whom I wouldn't still feel alone.

You normally have a bit better advice. I am not saying that doesn't help. But you usually put full detail on it.

But the thing is I don't want to be alone. But my feelings some how tell me to stay alone. As if I really can't interact with others. I have this issue daily. I don't know.

I would say give people some more tolorance, try to make friends rather then spit on the details of them that you dislike. Loneliness is a hurtful feeling indeed, but it can be cured with fun (yes it's cliche). Talk with people, get involved, have a laugh or two. Try to change your attitude too when you're around certain people, talk to them about what they're interested in; people like certain things so show them some of your personality but not all E.g engage them in a conversation about motorbikes for example but exclude the fact that you have a leather fetish or something, that sort of thing. It helps me get along with others very well, and i hope it would help you too. If you can't find anyone in your local area, theres plenty of others that you can talk to online, especially on the DaD.


Second thing i'd just like to say: Homophobic world. Yes, people can react strongly to difference and nowadays alot of people are against the flourish of homosexual lifestyles. I'm a bisexual, i'll admit that but i don't bang on about it or walk with my hips waving 5 inches side to side or dress a certain way for the same reason that i don't do the same because of my hair colour. Inevitably it'll become acceptable but until then i'm just going to keep a low profile in public and walk like any other person.

Finally, get a grip on yourself please. Theres no real nice way to say this but you really have to suck up and enjoy the good parts of life. You're human, you have your own personality and ways of entertaining yourself and you're perfectly competant of finding something you like and using it as a hobby. Take your artwork for example, you must enjoy that or else why go to the trouble?
In my eyes, you're a normal guy of the world; to my knowledge you haven't broken any laws or bulldozed half of my house so thats pretty okay with me. You just have to be a bit more tolerant of people in the world and learn that it's good to stop and think before you blurt out something that could really hurt someone. You say you don't care, but now that you're alone it seems very clear to me that you do care.

Sorry if any of what i've said has been hurtful to you, but i hope that i've helped in some way.

Quote:

Quote:Yes. I know. Who doesn't? We are blinded by the pure ignorance and Arrogance of others.
Because my ignorance is being blissful and blind siding me with no cause what so ever.

If you are ignorant, then wouldn't you be ignorant to ignorance?

Quote:So. I hate people. But I hate myself for hating people. I hurt myself mentally knowing that I am not going to achieve anything by this.

You think too much, you're not sadistic. Sadistic means you'd enjoy this activity.

Quote:further my studies and interests on design and art.

Quote:called mentally restarted on this forum.

ERROR: REBOOT REQUIRED

Quote:So what do I do?

Quote:It's not easy to go and "go talk to someone random" I wish it where that easy. But it is not.

It IS that easy, that's how I made my first friend.

Quote:change myself, my attitude, feelings, and emotions towards others.
So help me. what should I do? What can I do? Explain. I am thinking to deep into this manner. So.... Why not?

Once again, too much thinking.

If none of those comments helped, then isolationism fixes everything here. Hardcore isolationism, throw everyone and everything out of your life.

Quote:further my studies and interests on design and art.

Focus every last bit of energy on this, nothing else. But, that's my style. I can't wait until I leave the world. :)

(10-13-2009, 07:23 AM)Emerald Blademage Wrote: [ -> ]

Quote:

Quote:Yes. I know. Who doesn't? We are blinded by the pure ignorance and Arrogance of others.
Because my ignorance is being blissful and blind siding me with no cause what so ever.

If you are ignorant, then wouldn't you be ignorant to ignorance?

Quote:So. I hate people. But I hate myself for hating people. I hurt myself mentally knowing that I am not going to achieve anything by this.

You think too much, you're not sadistic. Sadistic means you'd enjoy this activity.

Quote:further my studies and interests on design and art.

Quote:called mentally restarted on this forum.

ERROR: REBOOT REQUIRED

Quote:So what do I do?

Quote:It's not easy to go and "go talk to someone random" I wish it where that easy. But it is not.

It IS that easy, that's how I made my first friend.

Quote:change myself, my attitude, feelings, and emotions towards others.
So help me. what should I do? What can I do? Explain. I am thinking to deep into this manner. So.... Why not?

Once again, too much thinking.

If none of those comments helped, then isolationism fixes everything here. Hardcore isolationism, throw everyone and everything out of your life.

Quote:further my studies and interests on design and art.

Focus every last bit of energy on this, nothing else. But, that's my style. I can't wait until I leave the world. :)

Magus....Or eme. I cant go up to talk to someone random. My Autism makes it hard to communicate with others. then again what isnt hard these days. I dunno.

Thanks for the advice guys. Oh btw guili. I dress in black and whit at times. I like stripes but I don't own any stripe shirts. So yeah. Not much on clothing details.

(Rambles off a bit because tired.)

Quote:Finally, get a grip on yourself please. Theres no real nice way to say this but you really have to suck up and enjoy the good parts of life. You're human, you have your own personality and ways of entertaining yourself and you're perfectly competent of finding something you like and using it as a hobby. Take your artwork for example, you must enjoy that or else why go to the trouble?
In my eyes, you're a normal guy of the world; to my knowledge you haven't broken any laws or bulldozed half of my house so thats pretty okay with me. You just have to be a bit more tolerant of people in the world and learn that it's good to stop and think before you blurt out something that could really hurt someone. You say you don't care, but now that you're alone it seems very clear to me that you do care.

Of course. I hate people. It doesn't meant I don't care for them. I don't care about life is what I think I was trying to say yesterday. People in general are okay. But have different satisfactory. Sucking it up isnt easy done than said. There is no human that just *Sucked it up* The only thing i could *suck it up* Is a wound. Though thank you. You just told me I am normal. Although normal isnt something people use these days because nothing is normal it is just used as a key term to express abnormal actions.

Thank you. (Being serious) You didnt say anything hurtful. Though you could of read my last quote to save the trouble of repeating what my parents have said. xD

you can learn how to forgive others, work on the hate part , it will be better when you can let go of that stuff, there's no such thing as bad and good, there's only what you choose and what you choose not to do.

(10-13-2009, 01:30 PM)MP2E Wrote: [ -> ]Sucking it up isnt easy done than said. There is no human that just *Sucked it up* The only thing i could *suck it up* Is a wound. Though thank you. You just told me I am normal. Although normal isnt something people use these days because nothing is normal it is just used as a key term to express abnormal actions.

Thank you. (Being serious) You didnt say anything hurtful. Though you could of read my last quote to save the trouble of repeating what my parents have said. xD

"There is no human that just *Sucked it up*" I did.
"You just told me i am normal" i'd be a hypocrite not to, friend.

And yeah i don't think i noticed that final quote but it's good to see you're cheering up.