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One of my friends is going through a really tough time in her life... She just found out that her bf is only in it for the "pleasure", her dad hates her, and her grades aren't very good...so she is actually considering suicide... :cry:

Does anyone have any tips to help me keep her from going the way that many others have gone?
This really doesn't seem much like a random chat piece though...

There's more to life than those things. Some guys are like that; they only think about themselves. Why would her dad hate her? Deems her as a failure to life or something? And grades can be changed, through hard work and determination.

If you want to take the guilt road, tell her to think about the people that will be affected if she takes her own life. Worked for me. I've been suicidal since 6th grade (or somewhere close to that). I never had any friends. I lacked the motivation to live. I wanted just to end it all, all the way up to Junior year in high school, but I was deathly afraid of knives, and had no other means to do it. So recently, my dad just calls me into the bedroom and SHOWS me his pistol and where he's hid it all these years. It's the perfect opportunity to do it, but then I think about everyone that I'll leave behind. I thought of myself as self-centered, but I always think of other people. That, some harsh comments from my friend about suicide being the coward's exit to life, and some insanity mixed in stopped me from doing it. And possibly from ever thinking about doing it again. (Heh, I've never told that story to anyone.)

There is no reset button on life, but things can be made up. Friends can be remade. Grades can be returned. Ex-boyfriends can be ignored. Life is more than those things. Bad things happen to everyone (take a look at the Rants forum). Those are just some of the curve balls Life throws you.

Tell her not to give up. Tell her to keep trying. Life will reward her for her determination. I'll use the timeless quote...

Forrest Gump Wrote:Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you'll get.

Remind her that ending her life will end everything. Everything she knows and feels will end, which might be a good thing for now, but everything she could ever feel again will never happen. Even the simple joys, like eating a cookie, or the smell of cinnamon, she'll never feel again. No matter how bad your life is, you can still get those joys. That's how I got fat when my life got near-suicidal, but that's another story. She's probably looking for a way "out". The best way out is the hard way, right through. Running will hurt her; she needs to make a plan and go through with it. Talk with her dad, try to get her boyfriend to like her for her personality (if it's possible), and study her ass off. Tell her to rely on you for support, and hard music can help while she studies. It won't be easy, but once she gets through it, she'll become strong. These suicide consideration times are the times that build true character.

hey wise didn't you go though something akin to that?

Quote:hey wise didn't you go though something akin to that?

I think a lot of people on this site have had times like that. I only had one of the listed factors here (although I believe that her having a hedonistic relationship is still better than you or me never having anything). For me, it was a mountain of late A.P. biology assignments in my sophomore year of high school. It doesn't seem like a reason to kill yourself, and deep down, I wasn't really considering that, but I didn't think there was any way I could get all of the work done, and I didn't see any way out (my mom might've killed me if I failed). I tried to avoid it, but the work was still looming. Finally, with only 2 weeks to go, I did all the worksheets for the chapters and Scientific American articles. I sacrificed sleep and all free time, but I did it. Like I said, I became much stronger after that. There was nothing I couldn't do if I applied myself. I've been able to pull through with all kinds of ridiculously hard engineering assignments in the past few years, all stemming from that first marathon. Shadowshard, that's the message to give to your friend. The only way out is through. It's the only way to feel better. With suicide, you just feel nothing. You don't even know that you feel nothing, because you're dead.

You cannot make anybody stop being suicidal, and you cannot talk them out of it if they're committed. I want to say that suicide isn't a cowardly act, because it's not. I'm a coward and every time I get suicidal... I can't go through with it. Suicide is one of the bravest things someone can do, but that kind of courage is so twisted, I hope I never have that kind of courage myself, because then I might actually fail in my overall resolve, which is to live for all the life I've been given.

I've been sucidal several times since the middle of last October (see my "Why do bad things happen" rant for more info on why), and on one occassion even came close to doing it. I couldn't go through with it myself, because I knew it would let down everyone I care about, whether they care in return or not. Even if I did somehow have a chance to see them in the afterlife, I wouldn't want to, because I would have disppointed the one person whose opinion is most important to me: ME.

I can give advice, but the only person who can ultimately make your friend stop being suicidal is your friend herself. If she's stuck in a hedonistic relationship, she should get out. Especially so if she's in it for approval from someone, and that's the only way she can find.

If her father hates her (such a strong word), and I mean really, truly, hates her and wishes she had never been born, tell her to disown him. His opinion doesn't mean anything, his wishes of her nonexistence are in vain, because she was given this life, probably by some force we don't really comprehend, and I think it would be easier to sommit suicide if there weren't some purpose to our lives. So let her know that no matter how much anybody hates her, no matter how much anybody wants her to stop being, she shouldn't give in to that, because she has a purpose in life, and on some deep, gut level feeling, she knows that, and perhaps even what it is.

If she's doing poorly in school, encourage her. Help her. Most importantly, let her know that you KNOW she can do better if she focuses on it. Maybe her bad relationship is having an impact, in which case, getting out of it is one of the best things she can do. Bad grades are the easiest of the problems to fix, and with the help of a good friend, with the support of a good friend, she should be able to stop thinking of suicide as an answer.

If you're truly concerned about your friend, here is my advice: Support her. If she is having trouble standing under the weight of the world, help her keep standing, keep going. Do not let her carry all of that alone, because that sort of burden will break anyone who tries to bear it alone. I know, I have been there, and I have come very close to breaking down.

This song helped me greatly with spotting my hard times, and I hope it can help. And yes, it is a Christian song, but it can help.

Quote:Maybe your father didn't love you like he should,
Maybe your mother just got by the best she could.
Everyone's got a secret, you can throw it away or keep it.

Don't carry the weight, the weight of the world
It's breaking you down, on your back like a boulder
Before it's too late, get rid of it girl.
Get it off your shoulders
Hey we've all been used, but we can lose, the weight of the world, the weight of the world, the weight of the world

It all comes down to who you crucify,
You can either wave to your future or your past good-bye.
God can help you try, and give you the wings to fly.

Don't carry the weight, the weight of the world
It's breaking you down, on your back like a boulder
Before it's too late, get rid of it girl.
Get it off your shoulders
Hey we've all been used, but we can lose, the weight of the world, the weight of the world, the weight of the world

I hope this can help, and what I have offered is all I can give in the way of advice.

Quote:Maybe her bad relationship is having an impact, in which case, getting out of it is one of the best things she can do. Bad grades are the easiest of the problems to fix, and with the help of a good friend, with the support of a good friend, she should be able to stop thinking of suicide as an answer.

Nate, I think you're right about her problems being related, but the more I think about it, I'll bet her father hating her has a lot to do with the bad boyfriend. The father-daughter relationship always hits a bad spot when the daughter loses her innocence, especially when it's lost early and under the wrong circumstances. The father will probably make up some other reasons for why he "hates" her, but that's usually the real one. She could be failing at school, but this is still probably what's eating at him. It's like seeing your daughter in one of those Girls Gone Wild tapes. It's not a good feeling. If she can call him out on that, make him admit that it's the real gripe, it will clear a lot of the turmoil away.

Thanks everyone... I think I've talked her out of it, at least for a while. And with a 3 day weekend ahead..maybe I can concentrate on finishing me work.