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Full Version: Self-Discovery
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(It would take too long for me to edit this topic to be relevant to you guys, since I am not a moderator here. As you read this, keep in mind that I am a moderator on Score Entertainment's Yu Yu Hakusho, Dragon Ball Z, and Dragon Ball GT message boards.)
Everyone, I have an announcement to make. First, I need you all to read the latest entry of my journal here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/organous/ That will describe the basics of what I'm going through.
Now, why have I asked you all to read that? It doesn't effect any of you, so why should it matter? Well, for one, I'm sure some of you actually care somewhat about me, so you might take an interest in what I have to say there. More importantly for everyone involved here, I have been considering leaving my position as a moderator on Score's boards. The chances are that I won't. However, I do have much soul-searching to do. You all know that my evil side gets out of control sometimes, and some of you have even experienced it personally. I have unfairly punished so many people, and only because I have problems with myself. I do not know if I will be able to stop that in the future, now that I have started to accept the evil as part of myself. On the other hand, that may actually reinforce it. Like I said, I have much soul-searching to do.
Now, I can already predict what some of you will say. "BIG FUCKIN' DEAL! YOU THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WITH PROBLEMS?! GET THE FUCK OFF YOUR PITY TRIP AND GET ON WITH LIFE!" To that, I say so what? Yes, I am not the only one who has ever had problems. Because of that, you have to know how I am feeling right now. This is a situation that can affect everyone here, and even if I were just a normal member, we all have the right to openly express whatever is depressing us or making us angry. This topic may not be a question, but it is most definitely open for discussion, so it does not qualify as spam.
I have nothing more to say. Some of you may forgive me, but chances are, most of you will hate me. I'm sorry that it has come to this, but the one you know as Organous is changing to reflect what Organous truly is. It's just something that you'll have to accept if I'm already your friend. Those who are my enemies or just not my friends, you are even more so to me now, and your feelings toward me are probably unchanged. Anyway, if I try to "summarize" anymore, I'll just keep on ranting, so I'll leave this topic as it is. Make of it what you will.
*applauds loudly* Beautiful...simply beautiful.....and I am being serious here, not sarcastic!

And why would I hate you for such a self discovery? Why, when I have such near-identical feelings and emotions? I think of myself merely as good as my friends and those I care about are...

Thus is why I shall be in the medical field...to protect and care for those that matter to me...not worrying about the cost to me...to not sit idly by like so many other people who merely observe life to try and find a chance to either enrich themselves or improve their own selfish desires...

That is selfless giving to humanity...what both you and I seem to wish to do...something we have very little of in this existance...
Self discovery... ahh that was fun.

Let's see... I'm not really sure when I snapped but I know I did. Basic downward spiral of "gonna kill myself" this and "gonna kill them all" that. Got over that but still was stuck in lonerville until I snapped again. I WAS on a pity trip. NO ONE made fun of me at all in high school. Not one person did anything of major standing and I think deep down I missed the attention I got from eveyone even if it was for their pity amusement. It was all ME. And at that thought I snapped for the better.

I looked in the mirror one day and knew exactly who was looking at me. Well, not "exactly" persay but I had a pretty good idea who it was.

I'm a clown. I was put upon this earth to make people laugh by being completely nuts and insanity can take the beating that comedy sometimes asks for.
(Looks down at the baseball sized patch of no skin on his knee) The guys laughed for ten minutes straight and that was a good day.
Self discovery kicks ass.


That's really all I have to say.