03-15-2009, 01:01 AM
Hiya everybody. You already know I suck at expressing myself directly so I won't paint anything pink and will just say what I have to.
During the course of the last two weeks you might have noticed that my responses started to go from slow to dull to near void of any sort of feeling. I'm about to restart college. Talks with my parents have made me realize a few number of things which I still have to convince myself about if I want to move forward. It has been a year and a half since I haven't been able to just be happy and smile honestly, and I want that to change. My friend's gone, my best and only friend in real life is gone to another city because he needs to catch up with his studies so I'll scarcely be able to see him anymore, and all my high-school classmates are distributed along the country, we hardly contact each other and the ones I have easy contact with I barely speak to. The lowdown about this is that I'm highly depressed and in anguish, I can't knock it off no matter what I do, and the only thing my parents have encouraged me to do is to make new friends, out of the computer.
I'm sorry if what I wrote above sounded like I was targetting anybody here, the truth is that I'm not, because I don't have a better place to escape from depression than here, where I have more than enough friends to have fun with.
This announcement is just to inform people that I'll cut my net hours to very low (Compared to the standard) ones. I'm going to start gym each Monday, Wednesday and Friday to see if I can get a bit healthier physically and maybe meet more people that way, and also, the rest of my free time will be occupied with 2-3 hours of daily study. College, house-keeping and sleep will take the rest, so anything I can fit in after that will be spent in the computer with my internet in my apartment in Mar del Plata.
In short, I'll be here around 1/2-2 hours daily from now on, I'm in emotional pain while I write this (aside from the depression and anguish) because there is a very harsh truth which I can't bring myself to accept, and that's that everyone in my MSN list and the people here are my life, and I'm spoiled enough not to want it to change one bit. But I have to, or this anguish will never leave, I want to be honestly happy, to not have to fake happiness anymore and say I'm fine while I can hardly breathe correctly.
I don't know if I'll be able to do this, I love playing games, writing and just chatting and RPing, I don't care about anything else, but my body and mind are no monotone machines which can repeat their cycles for the rest of eternity, I need to change, even if it scares me. I don't want to lose anyone or reach any point where I'll say I'll just dump internet, the thought alone makes my heart ache strongly but I realize if I want anything done it'll have to be by my hand alone...
I leave now for Mar del Plata, don't know when my internet will be stable, but I really hope everything will be okay for me in the future and I'll try not to ever leave this place. Thanks for reading guys, love you all.
During the course of the last two weeks you might have noticed that my responses started to go from slow to dull to near void of any sort of feeling. I'm about to restart college. Talks with my parents have made me realize a few number of things which I still have to convince myself about if I want to move forward. It has been a year and a half since I haven't been able to just be happy and smile honestly, and I want that to change. My friend's gone, my best and only friend in real life is gone to another city because he needs to catch up with his studies so I'll scarcely be able to see him anymore, and all my high-school classmates are distributed along the country, we hardly contact each other and the ones I have easy contact with I barely speak to. The lowdown about this is that I'm highly depressed and in anguish, I can't knock it off no matter what I do, and the only thing my parents have encouraged me to do is to make new friends, out of the computer.
I'm sorry if what I wrote above sounded like I was targetting anybody here, the truth is that I'm not, because I don't have a better place to escape from depression than here, where I have more than enough friends to have fun with.
This announcement is just to inform people that I'll cut my net hours to very low (Compared to the standard) ones. I'm going to start gym each Monday, Wednesday and Friday to see if I can get a bit healthier physically and maybe meet more people that way, and also, the rest of my free time will be occupied with 2-3 hours of daily study. College, house-keeping and sleep will take the rest, so anything I can fit in after that will be spent in the computer with my internet in my apartment in Mar del Plata.
In short, I'll be here around 1/2-2 hours daily from now on, I'm in emotional pain while I write this (aside from the depression and anguish) because there is a very harsh truth which I can't bring myself to accept, and that's that everyone in my MSN list and the people here are my life, and I'm spoiled enough not to want it to change one bit. But I have to, or this anguish will never leave, I want to be honestly happy, to not have to fake happiness anymore and say I'm fine while I can hardly breathe correctly.
I don't know if I'll be able to do this, I love playing games, writing and just chatting and RPing, I don't care about anything else, but my body and mind are no monotone machines which can repeat their cycles for the rest of eternity, I need to change, even if it scares me. I don't want to lose anyone or reach any point where I'll say I'll just dump internet, the thought alone makes my heart ache strongly but I realize if I want anything done it'll have to be by my hand alone...
I leave now for Mar del Plata, don't know when my internet will be stable, but I really hope everything will be okay for me in the future and I'll try not to ever leave this place. Thanks for reading guys, love you all.
![[Image: FearthatPlushy.jpg]](http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c40/BlackSpyromv_33/FearthatPlushy.jpg)
