12-13-2006, 06:05 PM
This is my first time doing a story like this so give me freedback on what i should fix.
High School Thief Yosama
Shory by Detective Osaka
Episode 1: The Birth of Kaito Kid
Episode written by Detective Osaka
Part 1
The lunchtime bell rang, signalling the student body of Harami High School to swarm into the cafeteria for their choice of onigiri or sandwiches kind of food. The school's social cliques split off with near-military precision, and friends sat their lunch trays down en masse to catch up with the gossip that had accumulated over the past three hours. But while others chatted about secret crushes and wardrobe disasters, a girl by the name Yosama Tomaki and her childfriend, Aoko Nakamori chatted about other matters.
"How's that manga project your working on?" Aoko asked, before taking a bite of her sushi.
"I'm still trying to make the character designs so it's going slow." awsnered Yosama writing her name in Kanji on a black card sized paper. Just then a young boy about 18 years old set himself inbetween the two girls.
"What's up, girls?" said the boy with a Brooklyn accent.
"We were just talking about Yosama's manga, Shephen-kun." Aoko told him taking another bite of her food.
"Oh, i'm gussing that's not going very well, huh?" said Stephen, getting a nod from Yosama who already finished her food.
"You might say... hey... what's with that accent?" Yosama asked, looking at her american friend.
"Like? I'll been doing my best on my "Joey Wheeler" voice and i finally got it right." said Stephen, as the two girls looked at him with confused looks.
"Huh? Who's Joey Wheeler?" Aoko asked.
"Oh, that's right. That's Katsuya Jonouchi's american name in the english dub of Yugioh." Stephen awsnered. "I liked his voice in the english verison so I wanted to give it a shot myself. What do to you think, girls?"
"Stop showing off, Wilder!" Aoko demaned, rollowing her eyes. "Besides, i hate that show and the card game."
"I find it sexy to tell you the truth." said Yosama in a sexy tone making Aoko mad.
"Yosama! Stop saying strange things!" she yelled.
"Looks like someone likes Wilder." Yosama giggled as Aoko blushed. "I knew it."
"I do not like him!" she said.
"Uh, how about you two come with me to go see the japanese dub of Over the Hedge?" Stephen asked, getting stares from both girls.
"Sure, we would love too." said Yosama, while Aoko made a face.
"That's great! See you two after school then." said Stephen before leaving them alone.
.................................................. .....
"When you
High School Thief Yosama
Shory by Detective Osaka
Episode 1: The Birth of Kaito Kid
Episode written by Detective Osaka
Part 1
The lunchtime bell rang, signalling the student body of Harami High School to swarm into the cafeteria for their choice of onigiri or sandwiches kind of food. The school's social cliques split off with near-military precision, and friends sat their lunch trays down en masse to catch up with the gossip that had accumulated over the past three hours. But while others chatted about secret crushes and wardrobe disasters, a girl by the name Yosama Tomaki and her childfriend, Aoko Nakamori chatted about other matters.
"How's that manga project your working on?" Aoko asked, before taking a bite of her sushi.
"I'm still trying to make the character designs so it's going slow." awsnered Yosama writing her name in Kanji on a black card sized paper. Just then a young boy about 18 years old set himself inbetween the two girls.
"What's up, girls?" said the boy with a Brooklyn accent.
"We were just talking about Yosama's manga, Shephen-kun." Aoko told him taking another bite of her food.
"Oh, i'm gussing that's not going very well, huh?" said Stephen, getting a nod from Yosama who already finished her food.
"You might say... hey... what's with that accent?" Yosama asked, looking at her american friend.
"Like? I'll been doing my best on my "Joey Wheeler" voice and i finally got it right." said Stephen, as the two girls looked at him with confused looks.
"Huh? Who's Joey Wheeler?" Aoko asked.
"Oh, that's right. That's Katsuya Jonouchi's american name in the english dub of Yugioh." Stephen awsnered. "I liked his voice in the english verison so I wanted to give it a shot myself. What do to you think, girls?"
"Stop showing off, Wilder!" Aoko demaned, rollowing her eyes. "Besides, i hate that show and the card game."
"I find it sexy to tell you the truth." said Yosama in a sexy tone making Aoko mad.
"Yosama! Stop saying strange things!" she yelled.
"Looks like someone likes Wilder." Yosama giggled as Aoko blushed. "I knew it."
"I do not like him!" she said.
"Uh, how about you two come with me to go see the japanese dub of Over the Hedge?" Stephen asked, getting stares from both girls.
"Sure, we would love too." said Yosama, while Aoko made a face.
"That's great! See you two after school then." said Stephen before leaving them alone.
.................................................. .....
"When you
