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This is a tribut to all the great Chuck Norris jokes I've seen on the internet. Alot of these things have me cracking up non-stop. Here's a place to post every Chuck Norris joke, funny movie, or saying you want.
Chuck Norris laws:
When Chuck Norris is late, time slows the fuck down.
When Chuck Norris jumps in the water he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chucked.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
That One Internet Guy
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Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
-If Chuck Norris ever has sex with a man, it wouldn't be because he is gay, it'd be because he has ran out of women.
-Chuck Norris Doesn't sleep, he waits.
-When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he doesn't go up, the world goes down.
-Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour, but spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress. He doesn't consider it sex though; the waitress lived.
-We live in an expanding universe, where all matter is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
- The Legendary Bruce Lee was the only person to ever beat Chuck Norris in hand-to-hand combat. He imploded shortly after!
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Chuck Norris killed hitler by hiding in his cyanide pill.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
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Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, Too bad he doesn't cry.
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One time, Chuck Norris was walking down the street, got an erection, and afterwards, there were no survivors.
(WoW Chuck Norris Spam FTW)
-In the fine print at the end of every Guinness Book of World Records, it states that Chuck Norris currently holds all world records, and all those listed in the book are the closest anyone has ever gotten.
-There are no steroids in baseball, only players Chuck Norris breathed on.
-Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane by yelling "BANG!"
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Chuck Norris once shot a plane down by pointing his finger at it and yelling "BANG!"
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
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If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
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Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
