Fixed! *sweat drop* I hope...

[Master Grim]

Herr Mullen *sweat drop at earlier spelliing* ... I've changed the beginning to the Sorrow & Joy series... Do you think it's better?

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The sun shone down on the green plain, split in two by a dusty road; wandering from horizon to horizon. Two figures; the first dressed in a dirty smock, no more than a few rags sewn together with coarse threads, was definitely a man. Walking calmly with a large, broad bladed, light blue sword strapped to his back with a long strip of leather; the hilt decorated with several large crystals. The other figure will make one rub their eyes in disbelief; it was tall, with yellow fur that covered it

[Herr Mullen]

Herr Mullan... I've changed the beginning to the Sorrow & Joy series... Do you think it's better?

My name has an "e" in it. Your spelling, phoneticly, suggests to me that I'm a girl posing as a man in the Chinese army as the Mongol Hordes invade my homeland in a Disney fantasy epic.

I don't like the look of that first semicolon. "One rub their eyes in disbelief" isn't very good. It'd be more along the lines of "One rub one's eyes in disbelief", or "It'd make you rub your eyes in disbelief".

Bad, bad author! Say it after me: "New speakers need new paragraphs!" Also, I know the board doesn't allow for indents, but I'd like to point out that they are needed when this is published on the site. Again, "Her name discovered": did she not know it beforehand? I've commented on that, before. Tenses are fixed, though.

I'd like to point out that doors sway inward. Better for defence.

I'd seperate the part with the king and where we rejoin the two with a larger gap.

"That now" brings us into the present tense. You'd had better say "...A place that only existed in his memories." You've been using past perfectly well, up to now.

Fun comedic interlude, however you need to either tell us that they are shown to the room, or, again, use a larger gap.

From a small sofa, which is not usually positioned near an enterence, you would not be able to usualy grab a sword. What odd decisions these innkeepoers make when decorating.

I'm not a fan of that final paragraph. It's too chaotic.

Other than that, my original praises still stand.

[Master Grim]

Right! Serious modding now!

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The sun shone down on the green plain, split in two by a dusty road; wandering from horizon to horizon. Two figures; the first dressed in a dirty smock, no more than a few rags sewn together with coarse threads, was definitely a man. Walking calmly with a large, broad bladed, light blue sword strapped to his back with a long strip of leather; the hilt decorated with several large crystals. His carefree face narrow; crimson eyes, short and thin nose giving his thin lips a distinguished look. The other figure would make one rub one

[Herr Mullen]

That's all fantastic, although you've elected to miss my qualms with "her name dicovered" ("That's my name? All this time and I thought I was called Tim!") and that first semicolon, if that's the way you like it, very well.

A bang-up job on that. Well done, and a smiley face. If you get three, you might just earn a house point.

[Master Grim]

Thank you!
...
I must now reformat the other nine chapters to match... o_O'
...
D'OH!