Who wants a shot a me, this time?

[circeus]

I just posted the full version of my series' second chapter: http://digiartistsdomain.org/phpboard/vi...php?t=5149

Whoever wants to rip it apart, feel free to.

[Herr Mullen]

Hurrah!

Adverse affects on Iori: great! No-one seems to take into account the bad effects these sex scenes can have on a character. And Circeus has avoided the traditional yaoi storyline, as well, opting for something much more relivant to Iori.

Armadilomon is a crafty little git: he knows Iori so well he can scheame about these things. This is something that usually happens during early, unorthodox homosexual encounters. At least one goes silent, whilst the other is left plotting how to get the other into bed. Iori actually has my sympathies.

Now, there's an acknoledgement that it is inter-species, and that, as such, certain things aren't going to be the same. But, I can't help but wonder what the author has based Armadilomon's antatomy on. What's the inspiration for something so strange, comparativly? Has Circeus been looking into actual armadilos?

I never enjoy the acknoledgement of a penis's other perpose: it just kills the mood for me. But it's great to see Iori's common sence come into conflict with his uncommon experience.

I see Cercius has taken my commens on board: sensations, as well as actions. And good sensations, too: metaphor and all sorts of devices.

Now, this is great: Amadilomon has faults, too. And he has problems: he isn't just a thing that wants Iori to tend to his motivations. That's fantastic, really. And Iori's displaying his analyitical side: this is why he has the Digimental of Knowledge. Not because he knows things, like Yolei, but because he has the ability to enquire. He would have sat back and watched quite a lot over the years. I daresay there is no-one with a better insight into group dymamics, other than, perhaps, Ken.

This second scene displays less of the "sensation" thing I've been recommending, and it does detract slightly into becoming a list of events: not quite, though.

Armadillomon's snore is a nice touch and a fine conclusion. I rather liked this one.

[circeus]

But, I can't help but wonder what the author has based Armadilomon's antatomy on. What's the inspiration for something so strange, comparativly? Has Circeus been looking into actual armadilos?

I think I might have gotten inspiration from possum's and equine penes.

This second scene displays less of the "sensation" thing I've been recommending, and it does detract slightly into becoming a list of events: not quite, though.

Part of the problem with this scene is that it's written in Iori's point of view, not Armadimon.

[Herr Mullen]

This second scene displays less of the "sensation" thing I've been recommending, and it does detract slightly into becoming a list of events: not quite, though.

Part of the problem with this scene is that it's written in Iori's point of view, not Armadimon.

Ah, now that wasn't obvious. Convention usualy says that new perspectives mean new paragraphs. Example.

"And then, master, I said "Oh, no you don't," I and hit Tai over the head and too his crest, but then Matt took it back so I went after TK and-"

Myotismon summoned The Rope. This flying sack of feathers was begining to annoy him


Demidevimon was quite pleased himself. His Mater's face was unreadable, but he thought he was pretty pleased with this cover up.

"...So I went after TK but he toomk his hat off and tryed to hit me with it but I dived on him and got caught in his hair, and... what's with that rope?"

Demidevimon began to feel a very strong breeze, as The Fan was activated and he was blasted out of the building and into a big pit of starved Orgemon.

[circeus]

Good point. I just noticed the shift actually occurs in mid-paragraph. I'd have to do some expansion before I can break it.

Thanks for the pointers!