07-18-2006, 04:26 AM
I am so very, very fortunate in that since reveiwing I have had not one fiction I've found painful to read. In fact, some, like the following, have been an absolute pleasure. Randir's first work, Phoenix.
Randir is not a native English speaker: in his notes, he says that he is "sloppy". Never have I read such an outragious statement: the only mistake was a missing comma from "...the world's biggest city known as Tokyo". Other than that one, tiny slip up, this story is fantastic, although I had issues with the form. It needs indents: left block is business etiquette. I was actually quite ready not to read this fiction, as I'm always receptive to Tamers, as I still think of them as being too innocent in the series to warrent lemons about them (although this isn't actually a lemon), but also because the form didn't grab me. However, as soon as I read the first line, I knew I was in for a treat.
Let's look at this introduction.
This is a literary masterpeice. The style expressed here is unbelieveable. The acknowledgement that you are a reader at the very start immediately establishes a great narrative. The narrator's voice is too often neglected by the writers I've seen. He is usually streightjacketed into discribing, when, inside, he has a marvelous talent to really make the reader feel welcome, just by talking to him every now and then. In this story, he doesn't integect in every paragraph, as I have been convicted with, on occasion, but restrains himself to the opening, allowing us to focus on this brillient characterisation that follows.
Ruki and Renamon are entirely in character. Everything here is very much them: the dialogue, the action, and the relationship. Even their dialects are nailed so they won't escape the reader's notice. Dialect is important: when you keep the character's voice and vocabulary the same, that's when you have reached characterisation perfection. Everyone will recognise characters by their speach. If we can't do that, then that's a hinderance, indeed.
The break-line that seperates the first and second passages, I don't really think is nessesary. Especially when later in the story, it comes to mean "Perspective Switch". It's a much better way to do it than "(Renamon's POV)" which always annoys me. We should be able to tell exactly who's point of veiw we are reading from the way it's written, as we can here. Randir is better at English creative writing than most first-language English speakers I've met.
The ending ends on the same wonderful narrative as it began. The world turns.
Ladies and Gentlemen: this is the first fiction to deserve the "Herr Mullen Hurrah!", the reward I give for a fiction that makes me very, very happy.
Hurrah!
Now, whoever is reading this reveiw, go and read this story.
Randir is not a native English speaker: in his notes, he says that he is "sloppy". Never have I read such an outragious statement: the only mistake was a missing comma from "...the world's biggest city known as Tokyo". Other than that one, tiny slip up, this story is fantastic, although I had issues with the form. It needs indents: left block is business etiquette. I was actually quite ready not to read this fiction, as I'm always receptive to Tamers, as I still think of them as being too innocent in the series to warrent lemons about them (although this isn't actually a lemon), but also because the form didn't grab me. However, as soon as I read the first line, I knew I was in for a treat.
Let's look at this introduction.
This is a literary masterpeice. The style expressed here is unbelieveable. The acknowledgement that you are a reader at the very start immediately establishes a great narrative. The narrator's voice is too often neglected by the writers I've seen. He is usually streightjacketed into discribing, when, inside, he has a marvelous talent to really make the reader feel welcome, just by talking to him every now and then. In this story, he doesn't integect in every paragraph, as I have been convicted with, on occasion, but restrains himself to the opening, allowing us to focus on this brillient characterisation that follows.
Ruki and Renamon are entirely in character. Everything here is very much them: the dialogue, the action, and the relationship. Even their dialects are nailed so they won't escape the reader's notice. Dialect is important: when you keep the character's voice and vocabulary the same, that's when you have reached characterisation perfection. Everyone will recognise characters by their speach. If we can't do that, then that's a hinderance, indeed.
The break-line that seperates the first and second passages, I don't really think is nessesary. Especially when later in the story, it comes to mean "Perspective Switch". It's a much better way to do it than "(Renamon's POV)" which always annoys me. We should be able to tell exactly who's point of veiw we are reading from the way it's written, as we can here. Randir is better at English creative writing than most first-language English speakers I've met.
The ending ends on the same wonderful narrative as it began. The world turns.
Ladies and Gentlemen: this is the first fiction to deserve the "Herr Mullen Hurrah!", the reward I give for a fiction that makes me very, very happy.
Hurrah!
Now, whoever is reading this reveiw, go and read this story.