Gaze into the eyes of a monter

[MISTER BIG T]

Well, as you thought, this story is somewhat better than "Price of Dishonesty", but it's still riddled with flaws...

For one thing, you leave one question unresolved -- who won the bet the Digimon were making? You don't tell us that, nor does it even seem to matter in the end.

Of course it didn't matter at the end, what with something more serious things going on than childish gambles.

A lot of the errors are semantic or grammatical, but the plot also feels a bit weak, even for a Takari which seems to incorporate the common Anti-Veemon/Davis attitude that they'd resort to violence to get Kari/Gatomon found in many Takari stories.

This wasn't Anti-Veemon/Davis lemon. And the two didn't resort to violence to get Kari/Gatomon.

More to come after work, but I need to get on my way. I'll even do a more in-depth review then...

I certainly am looking for that, I enjoyed this mini review too.

-I can't see Gatomon snapping at Gabumon like she does in the intro. Chastizing him, maybe, but right out snapping like that? Nope.

Wait, snap? She just hissed because he kept complaining even though the star was silver because of his mistake.

-She also certainly does not hit me as the kind of digimon who would stand on the sidelines and say "Oh my!" when involved in a love triangle. If anything, she would tell Veemon and Patamon to can it, especially if other people are around, but she wouldn't let them get at each other's throat without doing something.

Umm, she did NOT let them get into each others throats... She stopped Patamon. And most of the other time, she wasn't even there.

-Regarding Veemon and Patamon themselves, I can't picture them getting that much worked up over it. Competition, certainly, but anger and hate? Nah. They don't really have the confrontational ring that Davis, Matt or Tai have shown.

I thought the Digis would learn from their masters. In more ways than one.

*Davis winks at Veemon*

-You might want to go into more details as to what exactly happen with Veemon and Takeru. The way it's currently written, it just has this massive subtext of "not just an accident", but it is written off so vaguely the reader cannot makes their own idea about it.

Yeah, I ran into troubles at this part. I didn't want to make anti veemon and still the plot called for Veemon to do something to TK.

Also, the story sound like it aimed to try and please everyone: masturbation, het, yaoi, crossbreeding... But in the end, it just feels like the heart wasn't really in some of the scenes, such the Gatomon masturbation one.

The masturbation scene was short because the point was that Gatomon was so aroused that she came nearly immediattly. [/quote]