Openings

[Marine]

These blasted openings are still killing me beyond my own understanding. Well, its more the prologue than anything else, and it keeps egging at me without respite. I've tried an action approach, but the action seems too vague in the beginning paragraph; characterization openings aren't really styled for the genre I'm writing for; now the setting introduction might shed some relief, and the entire story would flow right after I find that prologue--that opening worthy of this story!

->Follow Marshal Alistair Lorne and Marshal Caden Skoyva into the enigmatic prosession of Digi-armor digieggs, the Foundry's they protect, and the enemies they vei to conquer.

[The prologue sets before the main action in the opening: The Siezure of Digi-eggs in the Emperor's deplaining base and Marshal Skoyva's digimon Prelate, Nakia the Flamedramon. No destined children are being injected into this story as main characters, but terchiary ones.]

[Herr Mullen]

Marine is quite right about openings; the first thing people will read is the passage you've put first, that being the way things are read in the English (and Spanish and German) language(s). But that doesn't always mean action.

Let's toot my own trumpet, here.

This is a box.
A musical box, wound up and ready to play.
But this box contains a secret inside.
Can you guess what is in it today?
Jyou rises out of the box, as the tune plays.

It has to be perfect!
Jyou adjusted the table cloth, and re-folded the napkins. He opened the sliding panes onto the balcony just the right amount, allowing the gentle breeze to blow the new semi-transparent silk curtains to sway in a romantic manner in the breeze. He had a little trouble with the candles; the same gentle breeze stifled the matches he was desperately trying at light the things with.

That is the first few paragraphs of "You Don't Need Moonlight To Have Romance"; the first passage (well done to whomever gets it) poses many questions; to begin, "This is a box."

"Well, what does that box do?"

"A musical box, wound up, and ready to play."

"Ah, that sort. What does it do?"

"But this box contains a secret inside."

"Really? What's this secret?"

"Can you guess what is inside it today?"

That poses an outright retorical question; this is a fantastic way to do things, if I don't say so myself. Look at any great speaches and retorical questions will be there. For example; "There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" we can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities..." That's fantastic retoric, because it asks you the question, and provides you the answer, which hooks the reader into your thinking.

"Jyou rises out of the box, as the tune plays."

That's where I answer my retoric, but it also poses the question "What about Jyou?" The opening line of the next passage, "It has to be perfect!", poses the question "What does?" The ensuing paragraph tells you that he's setting up a romantic meal. So, you see, some people like to use questions, mystery and retoric to make their readers read on. See if you can spot the question and retoric posed in the opening of Lord Archive's Red Digivice Diaries series below. I'm not doing all the work; if you're going to want to know how to make good retoric, you can't just read Marine's eassay, Dragon Mater's eassy, or mine; you have to do some work to apply lessons.

Normal. To be the same as everyone else. It's been a long time since
I've felt like a normal girl. And with the way my life is, I may never feel like that.

I'm Yagami Hikari and I'm twelve-years-old and attend sixth grade
at Odaiba Elementary. That sounds normal, right? However, thanks
to the time I've spent in the Digital World, I'm closer to thirteen
and have had more life experiences than most twenty-year-olds. I've
hated someone enough to want him dead and made sure that he died
horribly. What was worse was that I had to help kill that bastard
twice. And I've had to live with the knowledge of killing him since I was eight.

Wisemon's opening paragraph to his "You Don't Love Me Anymore is a good example of a different style of opening.

[quote=Wisemon] Daisuke sat in his room and stared at his D-Terminal screen, waiting for Hikari

[Nate Hunter]

A comment: The japanese for soccer/football is ????, or "soccer" last I checked, or else ?? (juukyuu, literally "kickball"). Though some of the english in Japan is indeed British english, a lot of it these days is also American english, including, as you see, their word for soccer.

On the subject of openings, there are many devices to be used. Questions left unanswered are as compelling as the answered ones, and will keep a reader going if they feel connection. The trick is creating a connection within that opening paragraph. As for this, it is best to leave dialogue as far from your opening as you can safely put it.

The first questions you reader wants to know are the big W's:

Who is this?

This can be answered specifically or vaguely, or avoided by introducing place rather than person. But without a Who or a Where, the reader is left confused.

Where is this?

This is not easy to avoid as the story begins. Your readers will desire to know where they are meant to be. However it is possible to be almost obscuringly vague in answering this (see Herr Mullen's example above) and still catch the attention of the reader.

What is this?
OR
What is happening?

One or both of these questions will be necessary, even in as simple a manner as "It was raining." or "This is a box." People like things, and they like to know what things are and what they do, and what is going on. Giving some information about that will help catch their attention and hold it.

When is this?

People want temporal information, because we live in a temporal frame. This is the least important question, but it can help to set the stage.

Why is this happening?

This is what will really hook your reader to keep going. Give them a reason for what is happening, even if it's not immediately apparent.

Let's review the above from Herr Mullen.

Herr Mullen gives us a What (This is a box.), Who (Jyou rises out of the box...), and a Why (It has to be perfect!), then moves on to the "What is happening?" as Jyou works.

Lord Archive catches us with a What: "Normal." Then he explains the Why for "Normal". He then tells us Who, and she happens to be Hikari. Then he continues with the Why. We now know Why Normal, and Why our Who is NOT Normal.

Wisemon, in his summer 2004 entry cited here, tells us Who (Daisuke), Where (in his room), What is happening (he is sitting, staring and waiting), When it is happening (six months since MaloMyotismon), Why it is happening (he's asked her out repeatedly, and been snuffed repeatedly), and then asks another Why, without stating it. "Why doesn't she go out with Daisuke?"

Marine gices us a Who (A lone man), where (Shinjuku Stadium), and when (near midnight), without Why or What being answered.

Any three will give you a good hook if you play it right. It's about many things, though, beyond simply providing the reader with information. Now I'm going to give my own example, from a yet-to-be-completed story...

[quote]At the end of a dusty road, in the middle of a desert, there is an oasis. This oasis allows for a self-sustaining military camp to be built, for it is actually a series of oases, more than a dozen of them, so well spaced that a thriving forest exists within the Desert of Jarg

[Herr Mullen]

A comment: The japanese for soccer/football is ????, or "soccer" last I checked, or else ?? (juukyuu, literally "kickball"). Though some of the english in Japan is indeed British english, a lot of it these days is also American english, including, as you see, their word for soccer.

Woops: sorry.