I wrote this a while back and want some feedback. Please read and review. Disclaimer: The Marine Hymn is the property of the United States Marines. "American Soldier" is the property of Toby Kieth. Gunnery Sergeant Howard does not exist, at least to my knowledge.
It was late as I drove home. It was dark, raining, and the road ahead of me was just barely illuminated by my headlights. I had just left the Marine Recruiting office to get a final good-bye from Staff Sergeant Nixon, the man who had helped me take the steps to becoming a Marine. The next day, I would be shipping out for boot camp at the Recruit Training Depot in San Diego, California. I had been looking forward to the day ever since I signed up for the Marines back in June of 2005, but I was still in doubt. Boot camp, especially the Marine version, was hard. I had been working out every chance I got since I signed up, but I was still uneasy.
What if I can
Wow... if only I understood more- still- it's cool!
A few years ago, I was thinking about signing up for the Marines. I went to what's called a "pool function", which was a boot camp simulation, complete with real drill instructors.
After getting back, I was even more psyched to get in, but boot camp still scared me. I wrote this to try and settle my nerves. Now, the military dream didn't work out, but I got such positive reactions to this that I decided to keep it.
The above post is mine, I forgot to login.
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You can still probably join the national guard or the army. The standards are really low nowadays. It's not a bad story, but a little real life experience would help, and Toby Keith is an idiot.
![[Image: AppealtoReason.jpg]](http://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g100/baw01002/Album%20Covers/AppealtoReason.jpg)
"I looked up and saw you;
I know that you saw me.
We froze but for a moment
In empathy."-Rise Against
I already tried to join the army and got the same answer. And please people, I put this up for review. Just say what you think about the story. If you've got a beef with Toby or the military or whatever, take it somewhere else.
Wisemon, all music has value regardless of who writes, composes or performs it. To disrespect one musical style or artist in that way is disrespect to all the artists. At least have a reason for claiming what you did, or I can't accept it on any grounds. Also, if the standards are so low, why do 4 in 5 get turned away? It's not low standards, it's simply that they have a less capable pool offering their services.
But I came here to review, not debate, so:
I think that this is a nice piece. I also think that it could do without the Toby Keith lyrics, but I myself am not partial to country music, not to mention that the way you put the lyrics in adds a lot of extra space to the story. Referencing reactions to the lyrics is a more powerful effect if it's paplicable to the story... You do reference these reactions, but we don't need all of the lyrics in order to see these.
I myself am planning to join the Army -- I realize it's not as tough as the Marines, but I also know that I am not cut out for being a United States Marine. I have been talking on the board about it for some time -- hell, back in August of 2004 I was sure I'd be leaving in a few months! Now I know I can make it, and I'm only a short ways from getting in. But I still don't know when I'll be leaving, or how long it will be before I can go back sure of passing my physical. I've already gone down for one physical, but I failed for being unhealthy (body fat and dental problems) -- but once I have one of those two addressed, I can join. And I'm getting closer as I go...
Even though I'm not going to be a Marine, I'm inspired by the story... even if not by the song.
never heard toby keith, but what I do know is that this story is a good one, if not great.
