My First Writing Piece

[That One Internet Guy]

I'm not too good at writing erotic stories, so I've decided to go with what I know...hyper-violence and decent storyline :D I'm hoping for this to be the first installment in a series of chapters, check up later for updates!


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[DV85]

Yeah I just read it. Nothing really to say about it. Sure its just a plain draft although it had no real plot to it thus not making me real interested in any furture parts. Plus it doesn't sound realistic. I really can't even figure out what exactly is going on, at all. Is this even supposed to be digimon-related in terms of reference to a season or something?

[Wisemon]

So that's supposed to be Flamedramon from Alex's perspective, right? Since when does Flamedramon have retractable teeth (or claws)? It's not a bad start to a very long story, but I'm just not much of a fan of original characters. Your narrative perspective is well done.

[That One Internet Guy]

Ah, I figured I'd pust SOMETHING out there. The introductions drag on and on in a lot of the stuff I write....although I have been reading lots of novels lately, so long stories are probably what I was going for.

As for the plot; I love doing original characters. It gives you so much more room to work with (and I haven't seen the show in about 4 or 5 years :D )
But here's a breakdown; long, necesary introduction, random events in lot, violence (yay!) and some kind of travel...

[That One Internet Guy]

Hell, I do stories from just human soldiers' perspectives all the time. Does that seem like it might be influencing it?

And take the title into consideration, 'My First Piece' or something like that... :roll:

EDIT: I just read the INTRO to another story...I realize I'm lacking any metaphors, and I don't seem to be conveyin a mood in the story...but at least I got the grammar right :D

DOUBLE EDIT: The perspective is supposed to be third-person, yet its knowledge of the situation is supposed to be linked to Alex's...I think I should have made it more ethnic ....'Raul/Hans/Pierre was like any other boy his age'

TRIPLE EDIT (Shouldn't I just make a new post?): This 'chapter' (if I even continue this) was almost entirely introductional. So far, we know
Alex is special (oh, really?)
Flamedramon is badass (If I had my way, this chapter would be docile)

QUADRUPLE EDIT: I love emoticons :D :) :( :shock: :? 8) :cry: :oops: :P :x :roll: :arrow: :!: :?:

[Gunter VanCrimson]

Ah yes- I love violence! Nice piece of work there!

[Herr Mullen]

You switched tenses twice in the very last paragraph.

Awfully violent; why? What was the point in killing a child? You show Flamdramon to be a villianous character; why not build up to it with perhaps a theft here or there, or littering or the like? A spoiler warning, now; if you've seen series three, you'll remember Impmon; he was very petty at the begining of the series, but by the end he'd killed a chap. Everyone was outraged; "We knew you were bad, but we never thought you'd kill!" and such. Spoiler warning's over, by the way. Just come in and kill a fellow immediatly you ruin suspence and remove any reason for me to read on. First, you should make me care. I should know the characters, and I should know why I should care. Then, once the reader cares, which takes a long time, by the way, then you can kill someone. The reader, who knows the characters and cares will say "Why!" and read on to find out.

Well done of the reactions of the children to Flamedramon's appearance. It's true to life, really, although you've gone over the top by suggesting they were rolling around. They'd usually cry something alon the lines of "I say! Look at that fellow! Doesn't he look like a ponce!" and then chuckle amoungst themselves.

I really like the first bit; I just imagined it in the style of the first Digimon movie, with a lot of clumsy naturalistic movements and that child-like drawing style and it came to life. Well done on portaying innocent childhood so well.

[senjuro]

I love watching you type, Mullen. I can just imagine it being said in a British accent, and that makes me smile on the inside.

[Gunter VanCrimson]

He's got a point there, Violence is okay- but not if it's mindless...

I never saw Flamdramon as the type that would kill out of annoyance, how did he become a Flamedramon by the way? Don't you usually need the Digitama of courage- plus a human partner to do so?

[UnknownH]

The armors can be a normal evolution. Like a slide evo that drillmogemon to digmon had.