A preview to my newest story (Zephyrmon/Flamedramon)

[DragonMasterX]

First of all- this is a request from Gunter, I thought it would be a REALLY cool idea, and seeing at how my last Lemon didn't have so much quality, I want to post a preview and know how many errors have I gathered till now, these are the first 6 pages I wrote.

''So this is love huh...''

By DMX:

[Lord Patamon]

I have to admit that you sure are good at writing battle scenes, I really suck on that part, then again I haven't written much battle scenes on my fics so is natural that I'm not that good on that matter :P

About the grammar I didn't saw anything bad but then again I don't know much english grammar yet so is better than any of the other guys here with good english grammar point any possible details on your lemon. :)

I can't wait to see the final work, keep up the good work :D

[DragonMasterX]

I like writing battle detailed battle scenes, what can I say, nia :3

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

DMX//////DMX.......

ummm....Let me start out by saying my grasp on digimon characters are limited the whole thing confused me a bit but after my third read it made sense,

The story and the battle was nicely written, I enjoyed the way the battles played out and how I hope there is plot for the upcoming sex scene.....My only complaint is use imagery a bit more and the setting to create the mood to your advantage, otherwise a very good beginning of a lemon.....Good job DMX! :P

[DragonMasterX]

Afcourse there will be a sex scene! >:3

But anyways, what do you mean with putting more ''imagery''?

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

You create such a wonderful array of attacks and the fighting sequence seems amazing but your scenary tends to be a little back lined...You could create more imagery by adding simplistic angle changes....Make it seem like we are there and sense the whole thing occuring....and not only a fight, ok?! better word choices describing things to that is my opinion.......DMX

[Wisemon]

It's a pretty good battle scene. I especially enjoyed the Digivolving/Digi-Armor descriptions. The Tuskmon come in a little suddenly, but I guess that was the point. Certainly, the dimension shifting thing has been done before, but you came up with an okay method. I think it would be cooler if you said that the 02 universe really was entirely within Sakkakumon. You had some trouble with maintaining tenses. You should go back and edit that.

[DragonMasterX]

Right! I'll double check for the mistakes.

What you mean is that the whole 02 dimension should be another part of Sephirothmon with what you said Wise?

[Yoosei]

Time to give my opinion huh

[circeus]

Tense issues. You switch back and forth between present and past at random.