As Yet Unnamed

[Anonmon]

Yo, got a new story right here. Frontier Universe, characters that aren't likely to be recognized, hopefully I can get a decent plot going when I have full creative control.

Oh, and this chapter is written in the first-person since it seemed suitable.

[quote]
ll copyrights belong to Toei and them, I don't own jack Digi-shit except for my own characters and the plots that I write. Which there will be quite a bit of, so if you wish to see your old favorite characters, go away.

Digimon Frontier: Unnamed Series by Anonmon
Chapter 1:

[Wisemon]

I'm sorry, but female first person from a male author just doesn't sound right. You got "Lenina" from Brave New World, right? I also detected elements of The Giver in there. You think maybe those summer reading list books could've been ditched for something your target audience would've appreciated more? Your writing style is definitely very adult in its language, marred only by typos and internal author's notes. The story itself isn't exactly enthralling. You might be relying too much on future flashbacks and contorted chronology. Personally, I prefer linear stories. Some more description of the main character, since you're using an original character, would be helpful. I hope you plan to include the other characters from Frontier, because a story with just original American characters doesn't draw anybody's interest. Did you see Sonimon's article on self-insertions? He made some good points.

[Anonmon]

Right, I'm going to self-insert as a female, and furthermore one who wants to try "partying" like the other kids do just for the sake of it and has social skills? The rest are excellent points, but please take that one back.

Also, if you have the cultural information relevant to making the characters say... European, I might change it. I'm just not randomly producing another set of Japanese schoolchildren who wear uniforms and use those goddamned suffixes.

Yes, I did get "Lenina" from BNW. The name doesn't fit her, but it's a surefire way of picking a name that isn't my ethnicity. This thing isn't written based on anything, it's what happens when I try to create an original moral conflict for the reader.

Said readers being on this site, all of whom are fairly intelligent, even though many may not have read BNW or "The Giver".

I wrote first-person because that was most sensible way I knew to put in as much characterization for Lenina as I wanted to. She isn't tied down to a Digimon Spirit, and therefore doesn't have prior characterization like say... Mercuremon does, who appeared in this chapter.

Yes, standard Frontier characters of the Digimon species, especially the Legendary Warriors (as seperate from their corresponding humans) will show up, as I have a storyline going on in the Digital World.

By description of the main character I presume you mean physical description?

I'll read Sonimon's article if I can find it somewhere, but I can guarantee right now that I won't self-insert on anything. I deliberately make up characters that I could never understand or sympathize with if they were real. You have a keen eye, though, as I gave Lenina some of my conscious-of-what-doing-ness to serve as a cause for character tension.

Now in draft revising mode.

[Wisemon]

Right, I'm going to self-insert as a female, and furthermore one who wants to try "partying" like the other kids do just for the sake of it and has social skills? The rest are excellent points, but please take that one back.

Fine, you're not a shy tenth grade female, but...

I met one of my old friends at the front door of the school in the morning and gasped at the brilliant costume he'd come up with. I'd seen robot costumes before, but he had manage to wire a computer, a running computer, around his body! Of course, the only thing to do was ask if I could check my email.

Shy tenth grade females aren't friends with computer geeks. Oh, how I wish they were, but more than likely, they'll have nothing but female friends. Outgoing girls, on the other hand, will have many male friends, though probably still no computer geeks. Now this is where I saw the trace of self-insertion. In your back-story, maybe they're friends from childhood or something.

[Anonmon]

Right, I'm going to self-insert as a female, and furthermore one who wants to try "partying" like the other kids do just for the sake of it and has social skills? The rest are excellent points, but please take that one back.

Fine, you're not a shy tenth grade female, but...

I met one of my old friends at the front door of the school in the morning and gasped at the brilliant costume he'd come up with. I'd seen robot costumes before, but he had manage to wire a computer, a running computer, around his body! Of course, the only thing to do was ask if I could check my email.

Shy tenth grade females aren't friends with computer geeks. Oh, how I wish they were, but more than likely, they'll have nothing but female friends. Outgoing girls, on the other hand, will have many male friends, though probably still no computer geeks. Now this is where I saw the trace of self-insertion. In your back-story, maybe they're friends from childhood or something.

This shows me where I went wrong.

1.Yes, they're friends from elementary school, which is before cliques really emerge. As I remember the Machiavellianism is between individuals in elementary school rather than cliques. Also, Benjamin is a script kiddie. This means that he tries to imitate real geeks in order to be cool, but in the end can't. That computer circuitry he put in his costume? He couldn't program it for his life.

2.Lenina isn't supposed to be shy. She's supposed to be outgoing, but restrained by her parents and her (as she said) "indoctrination". That's why she runs straight off to where she thinks the large gathering will be when allowed out alone.

On the subject of self-insertions: you really need to get yourself out of Junpei. I detect a self insertion when Junpei and Izumi become the royal family of the Digital World, even though it seems they don't have much actual power. I also detect it when you trim down a character known for his girth and affection for chocolate and stick him on a pure-healthy diet, though I don't think you actually can get junk food in the Digital World. I also detect it when you take the only girl in the series (who really only became friends with him by the end) and make her his wife.

If you're still thinking there's something wrong with Ben because I gave him a girlfriend (of all things), he and Jane worked together (and it would seem were closer together than the others) during Frontier itself, so I had to. I'll give you a hint: Jane had to learn not to be a vain bitch. That should probably clue you in on who those two are.

[Wisemon]

On the subject of self-insertions: you really need to get yourself out of Junpei. I detect a self insertion when Junpei and Izumi become the royal family of the Digital World, even though it seems they don't have much actual power. I also detect it when you trim down a character known for his girth and affection for chocolate and stick him on a pure-healthy diet, though I don't think you actually can get junk food in the Digital World. I also detect it when you take the only girl in the series (who really only became friends with him by the end) and make her his wife.

Junpei? The whole point of my Junpei was that he starts as a kid who can't catch a break, and then he makes his own luck, and he hits the jackpot. That's how he loses weight, how he becomes king, and how he gets the girl of his dreams, despite the fact that she's the only girl on the show. I don't feel nearly that lucky, and I have no empathy for Junpei. That's the reason I started the new series. If anything, Henry and Kenta are my self-insertion characters, but I really didn't take them out of character all that much. You'll have to wait for the third and fourth chapters to see what I really have in mind. I like the idea of making Lenina and Benjamin elementary school friends. I can personally relate to a kid who tries to fit in with geeks, but actually knows not nearly enough about computers, and secretly hates their beloved British humor.

[Anonmon]

You're referring to Kenta not being able to join the geeks because he doesn't like Monty Python.

Oh, and what's the terrain and climate like where you've lived? I'm trying to think of a good geographical region to set this in, but have only lived in the Northeast and visited Delaware, Virginia and Arizona.

[Wisemon]

Oh, and what's the terrain and climate like where you've lived? I'm trying to think of a good geographical region to set this in, but have only lived in the Northeast

I live in the Northeast too, and I've visited Florida (palm trees, lots of sun, grass, water), Colorado (low on oxygen for visitors), Seattle (flea markets and hills), Chicago (awesome restaurants, amazing skyline, solicitors/entertainers), New York City (same as Chicago, but crappier restaurants), non-Detroit, Michigan (same as the Northeast, but they say "cus"), and like most people, I've had to make a transfer at the Raleigh-Durham airport, but you should ask Unknown about the Carolinas.

[Anonmon]

Scottsdale, Arizona: Desert, mountains, cacti and lots of human-planted bushes, shrubs, and trees (including palms). Some of these plants flower in different seasons.

[Anonmon]

Second draft, attempted to fix some of the stuff you mentioned.

[quote]
All copyrights belong to Toei and them, I don't own jack Digi-shit except for my own characters and the plots that I write. Which there will be quite a bit of, so if you wish to see your old favorite characters, go away.

Digimon Frontier: Unnamed Series by Anonmon
Chapter 1: