I hate writing shit; it is so stupid

[UnknownH]

Bravo, So how long did it take you to think that one up?

[Anonmon]You're getting off topic here, which means take the music discussion to General Chat. In other news: "Behold my Modly Power!"[/Anonmon]

[Wisemon]

Next up: CrimsonPhoenixmon's "Takari Recess"
Obviously, it's a Takari, and I don't disagree with Takari as a couple. In fact, I wrote a Takari myself, but damn, this is nauseating, as are most Takari's.

I read through the author's script format intro, and I commend him for not putting himself directly into the story. If you want to be a god, as a writer, that's fine. The story itself: It's stupid and boring up until the lemon scene, laced with spelling and grammatical errors, and includes nothing that would lead to a series, despite what the author claims. The lemon scene is more efforted, but nothing special. As a one-shot, I give this 3/10. However, the author claims that this isn't a one-shot, so I give it 2/10.


CrimsonPhoenixmon: I'm probably shit at it, but if I'm not these are for your pleasure........
Sora: Who ever said that you're shit?

That's what the main man say.

[UnknownH]

Well no one can say you don't do fair reviews.

[Herr Mullen]

Hah-ha! I am immune to your steel-whip tounge! For, I write Yaoi!

It's good to see someone reveiwing these things properly, but more specific quotations from the text would give the reader of these reveiws a greater insight into the peices. I enjoy reading them, keep it up.

[Wisemon]

Next up, a board member, the dude who calls himself Shadowknight. I actually read the first lemon in both of his series. The Flamedramon and Lillymon one wasn't so great. Three inch diameter dicks are a no-no, and Lillymon's strawberry scent was certainly not Shadowknight's concept. Rather, I'll review "Home Sweet Home."


This is a fairly decent lemon. I wouldn't say that it's great about any character's characterization, but I like how it doesn't over-mush Takari. It's a straight sexual relationship...well, not quite. There are hints of TK's mom getting involved in later chapters, and it's said that she and TK have that special kind of relationship that's only legal in Alabama. Supposedly, this is based off of Prophet's manga, written as a favor for...I don't care.

The sex scene is pretty good, not quite good enough to masturbate, but pretty good. My major problem is the lead up to the sex scene. The jokes aren't bad, but it feels very rushed. They're suddenly in a diner, and then a house, and the house is an apartment:

"Once the arrived outside TK's house Nancy opened the door and let them out "I have to pick up a few things but I'll be back in a couple of hours. You two behave yourselves till I get back."
Once they were inside TK's apartment they headed to his room and began thinking about how he should tell her about his mom"

Did I miss something? Of course, this whole thing could be helped with spelling and grammar corrections, but that's true of almost every lemon. As it stands now, this is a workable series, but it's not my kind of series. My grade: 8/10

[Shadowknight]

in my defense while I was writing the first one I was pretty screwed up on morphine and stuff (I'm not a drug addict I injured my leg badly) but yeah even I thought it was pretty bad when I read it with a normal head. Thanks for the review I appreciate any criticism and next time I'll remember to go for more detail.

[Wisemon]

" Jyou picked up the joke. "What's brown and got a 7.6 on the Soni Scale?"

"I don't know, what's brown and got a 7.6 on the Soni Scale?"

Jyou told him. Mullen was too drunk to notice. "

Next up, Herr Mullen's "Christmas Bumper Story Pack!"*
*This is posted on the DHZ, but since Herr Mullen is a poster on the DaD, I'll review it here.

The narrative pieces are a little nutty, but still very well written. I'm pretty sure it's just part of the Dickens parody. Except for the misspelling of Koushiro, there are no heavy repeated errors in spelling and grammar, which helps to make this a joy to read. Of course, what helps most of all is that it's good for what it is. Of the three stories, the Digimon Kaizer as Scrooge is clearly the best one, but the others aren't bad. I especially enjoy the admission that it's not quite a real lemon:

" "That's just a sex scene."
Herr Mullen rumbled a little, his ruddy face rippling. He took another swig of brandy.
"And?"
"Don't you think people want to see how they ended up like that?"
Herr Mullen thought. He frowned, and placed a hand on one of his numerous chins, the other itching his scalp. He rumbled along to himself, stood up, paced behind his chair a little, until the exertion became too much for him, and he sat back down. He drink some more brandy.
"No. Onto the next story!"
Jyou sighed.
"This is why you've been doing so badly. You have no structure. Look, here..." Jyou grabbed a sheet of blank paper and scribbled on it with pencil. "This is a story structure for you; beginning, problem (probably containing lust for someone), worry, exposure, sex scene and end. Follow that, and I guarantee at least an eight on the Soni Scale."
Herr Mullen adjusted his party hat. "I got two eight plus marks. Two out of three isn't bad."
"Onto the story, Herr Mullen."
And onto the story he went. "

Of all of the stories that I've reviewed thus far, this one is the best. I give it 9/10, taking a point off because it isn't exactly a complete lemon, and the Daisuke being gay thing contradicted with the first story. The Digimon Kaizer as Scrooge though, now that was a neat idea. I'd like to see more ideas like that one.

[Herr Mullen]

Oh, horray! I'm afraid I wasn't checking this thread, as I didn't expect to be reveiwed as I mainly focus around yaoi, and comedy. The Christmas Bumper Pack stories weren't of the same continuity, by the way.

Maybe I'll actually get 'round to finally writing a real lemon. Maybe I'll involve a digimon or two.

Doesn't mean I can't still make the disclaimer funny.

[Wisemon]

Okay, we've got a new crop; I skimmed through one story:

KyoHaSuiGetsu's "Chapter 1: And So It Begins..."

Wow, I think this guy really likes obscure videogames. He's constructed an elaborate plot semi-based on Adventure, but it's mostly full of original characters; don't let the "Kouji" fool you. This is also written mostly in script format, but for an artist, it's still not badly written. It's just a little too many liberties for my taste. I give it 6.5/10.


Conversely, DV85's stuff, which was previously all in script format, has now been reworked into standard narration. Everybody should check it out. He's one of the best authors on the site.

[UnknownH]

Yeah I checked some of his stuff before. It's not that bad.