I hate writing shit; it is so stupid

[Wisemon]

Welcome to my review thread. In here, any new author who writes a straight pairing lemon might get a review from me, whether or not he wants one. Of course, negative comments won't make it into the author's lemon listing page. They'll stay right here, where they belong.

I'll start with Brashen's "Loves beginning" [sic], since he's chosen everybody's favorite couple, T.K. and Kari.

First of all, the title should read "Love's Beginning," but that's a moot point. The much larger problem here is the lack of separation of dialogue, making this lemon very hard to read. Here's a very basic writing tip: New speakers get new paragraphs. If it weren't for that, the writing style (just the style) here might have some promise. Another thing, it ain't a lemon until somebody shows some genitals. The pairing here is really N/A, though if T.K. and Kari had gone all the way in one scene, it would've been even more rushed. As it was, this had hardly any makings of a legitimate series. My grade: 5/10.

If anybody wants to see a decent new Takari, check out Gigasmon86's new lemon on DHZ. Dream sequences are great ways to have instant lemon scenes, though a little cheap.

[Anonmon]

LOLs at title of thread...

[Wisemon]

Next on the chopping block, Luminous Blane's "You Make My Heart Soar on Digital Wings." I've decided to give the two chapters separate reviews, because they are of different quality.

First of all, the text is annoying. What is this, a .txt file? a pasted email? Next time, attach your .doc file to the email. Here's the major gripe with Chapter 1: The characterization is completely off, especially for Kouji. Where's the loner attitude? Where's the anger? Kouji would never "confess" any feelings to Zoe unless she said something first. Another thing, the Russian yo instead of e in Zoe, that's just stupid. Oh, and Takuya's words of wisdom, not bad, but Takuya's not edgy enough to phrase something that way. The lemon scene was okay, not great, but much like the rest of the chapter, it felt like Kouji and Zoe just replaced two other names. My grade: 5/10.

Chapter 2: Now we get into a decent sounding plot, with some nice lines for Bokomon and Neemon. The description of the ship and the adventure was really good. Kouji's packing was definitely in character. Here's where it goes out of character:

"Takuya and JP slapped him hard on the back, while Zo

[UnknownH]

You know you're doing a good job with these reviews.

[Wisemon]

Thanks, alright, E-Mon's "Return to the Past." It's an interesting concept, DigiDestined circa 2000 meeting DigiDestined circa 2004 (American timeline), but that's its best feature. Atrocious grammar and misspellings bring this story way down. Also, the plot is a little too fast to follow. Some more descriptions would be nice. Check that, they'd be necessary. My grade: 6/10.

[Anonmon]

And please, leave your Junpei fanboyism/clone-ism out of the reviews, will you?

[Wisemon]

And please, leave your Junpei fanboyism/clone-ism out of the reviews, will you?

As it happens, I feel pretty close to Kouji's character too. My major gripe with Luminous Blane is that Kouji's characterization was absolutely horrible. The Junpei thing wasn't just because I like Junpei; I really believe that's how Junpei would react to the situation. If he found out that Kouji was having sex with Zoe, he would not be congratulating Kouji. In "Cherubimania," upon hearing Zoe's offer of a date when Takuya and Kouji won, Junpei practically sat down and cried. In "Welcome to My Nightmare," he got really ticked when someone else tackled Zoe for the save. So either outrage or sadness, but not acceptance.

[Dale3k21]

1) Great reviews.
2) So, KoRn fan then?

[Wisemon]

1) Great reviews.
2) So, KoRn fan then?

Thanks, and yes, I have every Korn album, several singles, and a bunch of live bootlegs. I'll have more reviews in a while, but I've got to work on my PowerPoint presentation for senior design right now. :(

[milk me!]

A haiku for the DaD...



We eat food
And then we turn it into shit.
Then we get rid of it.