Price of Dishonesty

[MISTER BIG T]

Price of dishonesty -Digimon lemon by MISTER BIG T
Sometime after Davis nearly had de virginized Kari (See: Sweet as Momma's pie), the two became a happy couple. However as time went, days changed into weeks and weeks into months, Davis started to get annoyed. He wanted to have Kari fully, not just the backdoor.

Davis and Kari were together sitting on sofa, holding hands. They were watching a funny movie, when suddenly Davis leaned forward and kissed Kari. He moved his hand down her curves, when suddenly Kari stopped him.

"What?" Davis said, looking amazed.
"I want to stay as a virgin

[Wisemon]

This review deserves bullets:

[Marine]

[quote=Wisemon]Sonimon might give crap like this above an 8.0 on his scale, but that

[Nate Hunter]

Thank you for your honesty, Wisemon. I find that too many fanfictions have only a minimal reference to the series they claim to be fanfic for, and those are sad, as they're original fic disguised as fanfic by use of names.

Also, Marine, Sonimon tended to give fairly good scores to most of the stories that came in, in my experience. Whether they deserved them or not. I'm willing to join the Review Team, but if I do there's going to be a solid scale (at least in my reviews), which will show how good the story is as a fanfic, not just a story (though this was, to be fair, not even very good as a story).

[MISTER BIG T]

[quote=Wisemon]This review deserves bullets:

[Nate Hunter]

LOL, you said "more better", heheheheh.

Everything is funnier when I wake up early, but not this piece... anyway, it's hard for me to judge something like this because I place so much importance on the story and such of something of this length (I hate PWP unless it's a 2ML)... But I'll give my own feedback here.

Characterization:

It's pretty weak, but not totally absent. The problem with it is that it's all only there to lend to the sex -- Davis wants to get laid, Kari is more of a prude, Sora (and apparently Tai) are swingers...

And while I wouldn't be surprised about Tai looking at other girls, I don't really see Sora looking at a lot of other guys -- just Tai and maybe Matt.

Also, unless he's had urine before, I cannot see Davis being able to just drink a lot of it... not into watersports much myself, but I won't deny you your own interests.

Plot:

What plot? Seriously, what plot?

Lemon:

All in all this is written in a... rushed manner. Much like a 2ML, there's no reason for me to get aroused while reading this unless it happens to fit one of my fetishes (and aside from Sora being there, it's not even close). There's too little detail to maintain a feeling of arousal, and too much to slide under the radar... you shouldn't be worried about using prose along with dialogue, especially during a sex scene -- one of the most important aspects of sex stories is the communication.

Grammar:

Reasonably good. There are a few points I can find some small problems with, but a decent proofreading should be able to iron a lot of those out.

Semantics:

"Still" has two "L"s at the end and no "apostrophe". Apostrophes indicate missing letters, and where you put it with "s'til" there is nothing missing.

"Strap-ons" does not require an apostrophe for plural, only to show a possessive. I recommend a hyphen to connect the two words, but it isn't necessary. For example "Do you have any strap-ons lying around?" as opposed to "The strap-on's head penetrated his posterior..." or something.

Overall Writing:

For a PWP it's not bad, but for a story it's almost shameful to my sensibilities. This wouldn't come anywhere close to winning one of my contests, simply because of poor characterization and plot, unless all the entries resembled some of the more rushed types I get. So yeah, it's better than some so-called "authors", but overall this story is one I wouldn't recommend unless you're into watersports or dominant females (though not BDSM, Sora is clearly in charge, and even Kari is above Davis).The epilogue is a tacked on piece of needlessness, as the "cliff-hanger" ending more than allows for another part to be made, and the TakeHika "fluff" is just a bit out of place, to me. Overall I'd rate this maybe a 4/10, possibly as high as a 5. Much more would be very generous, and even waking up early, I'm not in that good of a mood.

[Wisemon]

But you completely did not say anything about the sexoring.

Well, you seem like a nice enough Fin. Fine, if it will make you happy, your "sexoring" was phenomenal. In fact, when it comes to "sexoring," I think you're the best of all time.

[MISTER BIG T]

Yay!! You're the greatest reviewer ever! :D