my 5 problems, ...i need help...

[SchizoKat]

i have so many things going on in my life, it's slowly getting to me and i just can't take it anymore, i need advice form somebody who is relitivly smart at these kinds of things...

i'll start in the order in which they came:

first 2 weeks ago my friend collin, was complaining to me about another friend of ours named shawn. shawn has been ignoreing him and being plain rude to him for quite the while and he was getting frustrated, so last saturday he told shawn to give all the stuff he has ever borrowed from collin and then he says he's just gonna stop talking to shawn. i just so happen to go to the same school as shawn and i could talk to shawn, and see whats up, but i know shawn hates me, so i sit and do nothing...i want to help collin out cause he likes shawn as a freind, even though i hate shawn...

#2: last saturday, my friend Ken goes to the yugioh tournament with a new girlfriend(he got dumped sometime over the week), his new grilfriend is 9 years younger than he is, and he's only 22, so that makes her 13! we all(a group of us that all go to yugioh) werer talking and we all thought that there is too much of an age gap between the 2 and that it's wrong, but nobody will tell ken, and i don't know if i should. if i do he may get mad at me and never talk to me again, and right now i need friends...plus ken seems to be in a new relationship every few weeks, so i don't think it should last, but i don't think this relationship is legal in canada...

#3: yesterday i got so pissed off at my family cause they just got too annoying. the computer repitativly freezes(8 times IN A ROW to be exact) so i'm not really in a good mood and my mom comes in and says i was doing too much on the computer...i was surfing the net andlistening to the computer, our computer can handle that, then my sister comes up and says it's my dled music files and msn messanger thats doing it, so i got angrier and deleted all my music files and msn messanger, then my dad says it's my music program, so i delete that too, and then after all is said and done it turns out that it WASN"T my stuff it was the fact that windows XP sucks and you have to download some program from windows' website to stop the freezing, so i lost everything i do online cause windows sucks, and now i wish my whole family would drop dead, cause no matter what happens, I somehow the first suspect, even though if the police werre to suspect someone they would look at any record of me, and how i behave regularly and think that it would be impossible for me to even JAYWALK, but being the youngest, and the only boy i seem to be the worst person ever!

#4 my school friends hate me, they are open about it, they insult me and tell me they hate me everyday, and i can't just leave them cause i would be all alone in the huge school, although i think i'm just not gonna meet up with them...ever again that is...

#5 i have sunk into depression over the last week, and yesterday and today it's gotten worse to the point that i REALLY REALLY want to kill myself! i have never been this depressed before. I've always had a sight case of depression, ever since about grade 5, but in grade 10, it dwindled away, but it seems to have returned stronger than ever and i just don't think i can fight it anymore, nor do i have the will to fight it anymore...

can someone help me out here with any of my problems? i can't stand anything anymore, i fear i may do something stupid...again(i have attempted suicide before, and i know i'm capable of it...)

[Gnostic Metatron Prime]

Whoa. #5 was my life only a few weeks ago. I've struggled with depression, and there are times when I've been in so deep that I just couldn't get out on my own, and so here's my best advice: Find someone you can trust, and tell them that you're going through tough times and that you're afraid that you might commit suicide. I'm sure that for all that they blame you for everything, your parents wouldn't just let you kill yourself. And I'm sure that for all the problems you've had with your friends, there are at least one or two of them that you can trust. And you do have some willpower left. The fact that you came here to try and get help means that you don't really want to kill yourself. You can fight depression, but don't try to do it alone.

[SchizoKat]

well, there is about 2 people that i can talk to in person to, my gf and my best friend i've known since i was 8, but they both go to a different school so i can't see them daily, even though my best friend only lives 4 houses down the road, she's baby-sitting or helping out around the house, but luckly for me, i just found out about 3 hours ago, shes transfering to my school 'cause shes depressed at the old one, so i've kinda eliminated problem #4 there(no school friends)

and #1(my fighting friends) i think has died down on it's own, but i still feel i could have done something to help,

as for #2(the 22 year old with the 13 year old) i have no idea what to do, just hope that the girl comes to her senses, or hope shes just using my friend to make an old bf jealous(yes, thats a crummy thing to hope for, but i would rather her be using him, than him end up in jail for statuatory rape! it's like the lesser of 2 evils)

#3(family) i think i just needed to vent that, i'm fine now, i've cooled down from that, it was a silly thing to think of

and #5, somehow hearing the news that my best friend is gonna go to my school sheered me right up...she helped me out of depression without even knowing it, pretty cool huh?

and BTW Gnostic Metatron Prime, thank you for replying to me, i have a hard time trusting people with my problems that i have, including my friends, i think that my last post there was about the first time in like 2 years that i actually ASKED for help, during that time i tended to keep everything to myself and wait for people to ask me whats wrong, yes i havetrust issues for some reason...

[Gnostic Metatron Prime]

No problem. I figured that my nightly bouts with depression had to benefit somebody, lol. As a follow-up, though, you might want to find out if depression, alcoholism, or bipolar disorder run in your family, as this information will help determine what, if any, medications to take to treat your depression.

[SchizoKat]

you might want to find out if depression, alcoholism, or bipolar disorder run in your family, as this information will help determine what, if any, medications to take to treat your depression.

there is nothing like that that runs in my family, the only thing that runs in my family, on my moms side, is diabeties(sp), unless 1 of 2 reasons that seems plausable:

1. i'm adopted, wich sometimes i believe to be true, like in the fact that i'm taller than my parents by like a foot and much smarter than them, but my uncle(on my moms side) is taller than me, maybe the gene is just recessive...

or 2. my mom had an affair which resulted in me. i think this one isn't true, but some people(like my guitar teacher) can't see any part of my dad in me, and they say i look like my mom. my guitar instructer found it hard to believe that he was my birth father, he actually asked if my dad was my step-dad!

...but i tend to try to think that the reason i'm different than my parents is cause of my mom's genetics being dominent, which could explain why i find some guys attractive...


but the depression thing is gone thanks to a friend of mine, she too was dperessed, but because of another girl at her school, so she decided to switch schools, and shes going to my school, and i will finally have a friend that i like there...BTW, this friend i have known ever since i was 8 years old, so we are REALLY close to each other

so once again thank you for replying to me, Gnostic Metatron Prime, your a very nice person, if you need anything or someone to talk to, i'm always available to talk to.

[mowgly]

oh about #2 i don't think its so important well at least my grandmother was 18 years younger than my grandfather . the only thing is that the lady will be left alone cause men die much younger than women.
like my grandmother is now.

#4 well what do they know they are just pleasing egocentric matters. people don't do bad for just doing it an intelligent person doesn't treat other people like they please. some of them just aren't thinking, it's not serouis cause they don't even know what they are doing, and trying to prove it with them(if they mean it) is imposible cause they want to bother and so they first had thinked that your are in a lower level than them so they'll do anything that they have to, to bother. lots of them are just like machine thingy's.

#3 i might be wrong but you think you can modify your family members ways of thinking and that's why you could react(in a defensive way) in a way that they find unpleasent . Well i have already gave up in trying to do something for them so generally when i see they are going no way good i just say i don't want to talk with you. and when they get back to a more rational state i try again if they search for me first that is.

#5 about this if you have someone to be with to trust with let him/her in an instance help you by supporting you and then try helping back because if not it maybe that you can feel your just bugging and you may feel worthless as sometimes it happens to me.

hope the best for you. goodluck

[UnknownH]

good thing about your friend and you beating depression a friend like that could help a lot with that

[Wisemon]

good thing about your friend and you beating depression

Yeah, good for you. When I'm depressed, I truly beat depression, after a good crying session. I don't feel like I'm asking the world for much, considering how good I am compared to everybody around me. Your problems were bad, but you should take comfort in knowing that they aren't constants, getting worse with time...always taunting me and laughing while I cry...I've been listening to too much Jerry Cantrell.

[SchizoKat]

well, about the friend thing, i seem to like talking to my online friend Lori more, cause before she moved away and was in my on of my classes(cooking 9 to be exact) she sorta saved my life in a sense:

we were reading a cooking textbook, the most boring thing in cooking, and as i reached to grab something she saw a few cuts and she grabbed my arm and looked at them all, and then she walked off in the middle of class to the school counciller and told him she was worried about me...that started a chain reaction of events that made me beileve for the first time in about 5 years that i had a friend that actually cared about my health and safety, so i truely beat 5 years worth of depression cause of her, and somehow that make me trust her more than anyone else, even Keni, who i've known for 8 years.

but thoes problems have all been resolved, except for KEn/13 year old girl, but i don't think shes putting out(smart girl) so they should be fine...

[UnknownH]

good so you do have people that care about you then