Join our server on Discord

The Shadow of a Love (my first lemon, be nice guys ^_^)
#1
what is love?

__________________________________


It was a bright and sunny day in the Digi world, the whole world seems to be seething with life, happiness oozed from the very core of the digi earth. How fickle is the world, how fickle its memebers, how fickle the humans, for they have already began to forget...

__________________________________


Time has never been thus proven as a relative concept. The earth shattering events happened merely a month ago, yet it seemed an eternity. Perhaps it is true that time heals all wounds, however time has been too eager to covered all traces of the tragedy that occured. Perhaps time is also sentient, for it seemed to understand pain caused by so noble a sacrifice should not last. Yet time cannot erase history, hidden in the bright light of joy, concealed from the radiance of love, is the shadow of a deep throbbing pain, a pain only accentuated by love and joy...

__________________________________


It all began with an innocently enough friday, no threat in the digiworld meant the Chosen could actually enjoy their weekend off from that horror known as school.

Hikari embraced takeru in a loving kiss, takeru replied in kind as he opened his own mouth, and took inside the hot and wandering tongue. Hikari moaned, and takeru's boyhood stiffens. takeru broke the kiss, and looked deeply into Hikari's eyes, he saw there a reflection of his love. No words need to be spoken and he lifted the hem of her shirt, ever so slowly making his way to her round breasts. his other hand took another path and went up to her back, quickly unclasping her bra. Hikari moaned again in pleasure as he caressed her hardened nipples.

"takeru" moaned hikari.

"takeru, TAKERU!!"

"Hikari!" said takeru passionately

"correct, light is the source of energy for plants, good job, and i like your enthusiasm." complimented the teacher

Takeru blinked, and realized he didnt just get to second base, but was actually sitting in biology class. he sighed in relieve as he lucked out, and shifted uncomforably as his still hard member rubbed against his shorts.

The bell rang, Hikari and takeru walked out of the gloomy classroom, and ran into a boy their age, with unkempt brown hair held in place by a pair of dusty gogles.

"hi daisuke, hows things?" ask kari, smiling her smile, and T.K. dreamily stared at the beauty of her sight.

"nothin much, i was just gonna go to the mall, you guys wanna come with? Miyako is gonna come too i think, Iori has to practice kendo" replied the boy, seeminlgy indifferent to the heavenly picture in front of him.

Hikari fidgeted, a slight look of displeasure came to her perfect complexion, but was gone before even the drooling takeru could notice.

"uh sure, we would love to tag along." said takeru, seeing a perfect opportunity to spend more time with hikari.

The trio made their way out of the terrible abomination that is their school, and went into the crowded subway.

Daisuke went in front, and confidently wove his way through the crowd, Hikari and Takeru followed in his wake. The three friends made their way to the paying station (i dont know what their proper name is...), takeru reached into his pocket, and a sheepish smile formed on his face.

"hey, uh, Daisuke, can i borrow some money? i seem to have forgotten my wallet again" grinned a blushing takeru.

"sure thing bud, its not like i never forgot my stuff." replied daisuke, jokingly slapping takeru's back. He then dug through his school bag, and found nothing but his homework that he thought he had lost.

"err, it seems we have a problem..." daisuke looked at takeru and shared an embarassed look, they both turned their heads to Hikari.

"already on it, ugh... guys..." replied hikari , faking annoyance, as she paid.

It wasn't long before a train arrived, Hikari took a seat, and takeru sat next to her, while daisuke stood.

Before they had a chance to talk, Daisuke's d-3 started beeping, he checked it and saw an email from Iori. As he read it, his high spirited expression turned into one of annoyance.

"aww, son of a..."

__________________________________

And thats the end of the first part. what do you guys think about it so far? i was hoping to draw this one out, i never liked those lemons that never develope the characters or the plot before jumping into the SCENE. I always thought reading something is like making love, its best if its tantalizingly drawn out, and it moves to its climax ever so slowly and gently, then brought to a dazzling finish...
Reply
#2
errm, i no this is gonna sound stupid, but does any1 no WHY its called a lemon? lol...
Reply
#3
no clue what so ever maybe cause the lemon is a citrus fruit or something but good start very good start
Reply
#4
There's a couple of different levels of writers, and clearly you're aiming for the top. Judging by your patient style, your complex narrative, and the trick that you used in the beginning (you pulled it off perfectly), you want to be one of the elite. That's good; you should take it seriously. First, you need to get your basics down. Watch your tenses, and don't overuse your metaphors and narrative descriptions. Metaphors separate the greatest from the good, but only when used sparingly or creatively. If you can manage to keep the same patient pace in your story, I think you might have something special. Also, the longer you hold it, the bigger the climax will be. Now there's a nice metaphor.
[Image: AppealtoReason.jpg]
"I looked up and saw you;
I know that you saw me.
We froze but for a moment
In empathy."-Rise Against
Reply
#5
Hmm, good start. You have a nice writing style, and the text has a good flow to it. As for the trick at the start -- you did pull that of very well. I actually read Wisemon's post before actually reading the story, and it still got me by surprise. In fact, I was actually already planning on criticising you for the first bit being so clich
Reply
#6
thx guys, i had really thought i messed up the whole thing, i was literally kicking myself because i thought it was really bad...

anyway, thanks for the support, i'll get on the rest of it as soon as i finish my stupid mousetrap car physics project...

on a side subject, i really hate school, why does society place more value on knowledge than wisedom?
Reply
#7
Quote:thx guys, i had really thought i messed up the whole thing, i was literally kicking myself because i thought it was really bad...

anyway, thanks for the support, i'll get on the rest of it as soon as i finish my stupid mousetrap car physics project...

on a side subject, i really hate school, why does society place more value on knowledge than wisedom?
I had to build something similar to a mousetrap car a few years ago, except mine ran on lithium batteries. As far as your other point, well, knowledge is usually more useful. However, when it comes to the big things, like love and war, wisdom is a lot more valuable. I think I'll go put that in my quotes thread.
[Image: AppealtoReason.jpg]
"I looked up and saw you;
I know that you saw me.
We froze but for a moment
In empathy."-Rise Against
Reply
#8
you go do that
mousetrap car I never did that
Reply
#9
hi guys, posting on the rants forum put me in a writing mood, so i will forgo sleep tonight in favor of getting the next part of the lemon out, forgive me if the thing seems a bit confusing, it is 1 in the morning here...
So, without further ado, here is the part two of

oops, forgot the time frame, i think ill set this at 02...
The Shadow of a Love
___________________________________

"what is is daisuke?" asked Hikari, with an edge to her voice.

"stupid gay kaizer raised another of his control spires," daisuke thought about something for a bit and added, "no offense to your brother takeru, i meant gay in a purely none homosexual way."

"huh? we are going to the digital world? and whos homosexual now?" asked a slightly dazed and hopeful takeru, he hasn't been concentrating much except for the perfet roundness that is Hikari's derrier, but is now considering the possibility of daisuke being gay.

"ah...." he sighed happily.

Daisuke looked at takeru with a look somewhere between pity and disgust, but stopped himself from commenting.

"So, lets head back to the computer lab at school? tell the others to meet us there." Hikari suggested to Daisuke, who nodded and started e-mailing Iori and yolei.

"damn, and i thought i wouldnt have to go back to that evil and dark place soon..." mutterd daisuke, shaking his head in angst.

"well it shouldnt be too bad, its just another control spire right? we handled those before." said Hikari, slightly pertubed by the remarks of the stupidly courageous daisuke, for genuine fear etched displeasure on his handsome face.

Fear didnt suit daisuke, decided Hikari to herself.

"hehe, i meant school, not the digital world." grinned daisuke sheepishly, scratching the back of his head in embarassment.

"ah, i see" nodded Hikari in total agreement. Meanwhile, a drop of saliva dropped from the corner of takeru's mouth.

___________________________________


When the trio walked into the computer lab, Iori and Miyako had already made themselves "comfortable" waiting. Miyako quickly slapped Iori's hand away from her tantalizing mounds and pushed him off onto the floor.

"OW!" cried Iori indignantly, he dusted himself off and stood up, grumbling under his breath. "Wha..."

"shuddup" Miyako whispered menacingly, nudging Iori so he can see the rest of the gang.

Iori turned bright red and said "oh hi guys, we were just, uh, oh hell..." in his defense.

Daisuke, Hikari, and takeru all stared, though the targets of their gaze were different.

Daisuke was looking at Miyako trying to put her shirt back on properly.
"when did you two..." he was cut off by a pair of death rays that emitted from Miyako's eyes.

Hikari was looking at the tent formed by irori's hardened boyhood and his pants. "wowza" she thought.

And takeru waved in the general direction of Miyako and said, "digital world, control spire, must destroy..." however, his eyes stayed glued to the perky butt of Hikari, seeming to defy the laws of gravity by its perkiness.

___________________________________


I cant go on, must sleep....... oh and if you wanna know a bit more about the author who brought you this lemon, visit the Rants Galore section and look under the angsty teens thread. Please excuse my grammar mistakes, as i have only started studying the english language 6 years ago, and have never had a grammar lesson i all my life. ill try to write more of this asap
Reply
#10
whoa cody has good taste yoile's my fav (hot geek chick that has a wierd thing about mimi what's not to like?)
Reply