"Feather in the Wind" (Please Read)

[Notorious]

http://www.geocities.com/c_riley2003/Feather.doc

(copy and paste)

I was just going to copy and paste it here, but it has indentations, italics, and double spacing which make it a pain to show any other way than the file itself.

There is also a note at the top which tells about what direction I'm headed in as far as writing lemons goes. If you want to flame me, don't bother, but if you have something else you want to say, its welcome.

Please try to give some feedback on this lemon, I worked really hard on it trying to keep the same mood as "The Trial" had which is hard since I wrote "The Trial" several months ago. Still, I think I did a pretty okay job. The sex scene isn't raunchy because that's not my style (anymore,) and if you're just here to jerk (or jill :p) off, I warn you that there's a lot of "plot" in the way.

Even if its just one line or something, please try to tell me about anything you'd like me to change, be it the writing style, the types of pairings, or anything. The only way I improve is with feedback, so ... thanks in advance to anyone who does this.

I hope you enjoy this because I enjoyed writing it (which is always a good sign that the work is quality.) Thank you again, and look forward to the next part which won't take NEARLY as long to get out.

-Kyle X

[Notorious]

Some people have brought to my attention that they can't download the .doc so if you are one of these people:

http://www.geocities.com/c_riley2003/Feather.htm

And I'd really REALLY appreciate some feedback.

[Wisemon]

I've read a few of your lemons. I appreciate the legitimate authors, such as yourself. It's easy to just whip out some pud pulling crap, but the best of us put real effort into our stories. The sex is secondary, if there's any at all. When it comes to mastery of the English language, I think I'm pretty high on the list of authors, but you're at the top. While somewhat clich

[Notorious]

In this lemon Kari is aged in her mid-thirties. In the flashback scene she's in her twenties - plus she DOES have a degree in education after all ;)


Yeah, I supose some things could have been cut down. I might have tried a bit too hard to get emotions from the page to people's minds ... I'll have to keep that high on my list of worries when I write the next chapter.

Sonimon of the DHZ rated it a 9.0/10, which is good, but he also said that it was overly dramatic making him depressed while reading it - so much so that he didn't really have any erotic feelings about the lemon in general.

The "A Boy I Once Knew" series is not meant to be light-hearted and happy-go-lucky; its suposed to be a depressing story, but not THAT depressing. I'll have to try and map out my diction and imagry more when I write the next chapter...

Thank you for your feedback; you have no idea how much I appreciate it.

[urban dream]

Part one in this series was "The Trial", right? Well, I'm not sure if I've read all of that... You posted it once, but I seem to remember it only being a preview or something. If it was, where can I find the whole thing? I'm asking because I'd like to read this whole series in the right order.

I promise to read & review as soon as I know where I am reading this And don't worry, I keep my promises. Oh, wait... *suddenly remembers he promised to R&R Mirror in the Mon one day back when you posted it here but only read and never reviewed it* Damn it... -.-;; Heh, okay then, if I get time to, I'll dig up your old Mirror in the Mon post and post a review about that too. Soon. Meh, I'm jabbering again...

[Rikaryo2000]

oh it's okay your aloud to jabber

[Notorious]

Hehe... Mirror in the Mon is in my DaD section; part of my 32 fic update here on the DaD. Its in chapters for easier reading.

[Rikaryo2000]

k cool thanks 4 leting us know