I need more inspiration.

[Angeteen]

I'm writting a comedy based lime, and I need some inspiration to go on a bit farther. If anyone has any, please let me know. Just so everyone knows in what direction I'm going, here is what I've got done so far.


Who Got Us Drunk?

Angeteen

Tai, Kari, and T.K. are all lying around on their backs asleep when Tai suddenly wakes up. As he does, he suddenly looks around the room and notices that everyone is naked.

Tai: *screams* What in the hell is going on?!

Kari: Ungh? *screams as she realizes that she is on top of T.K.*

T.K.: *half asleep* What the? Kari...what are you... *eyes suddenly goes wide* WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING ANY CLOTHS?!

Tai: I might ask you the same question. Why was my little sister laying on top of you?

T.K.: Umm...umm...I don't know.

Tai: Don't know?! Don't know?! Maybe I should help refresh your memory. *grabs T.K. by the throat and starts to strangle him*

Kari: Tai! Stop that!

T.K.: *starting to turb blue* I...don't know why...now...can you let me go?

Tai: Stop playing stupid Mr. date-rape, and tell me what I need to know.

Kari: *jumps on top of Tai* Let go of him!

Tai: *falls on top of Kari*

T.K. *starts breathing hard until his face starts to gain normal color*

Tai: Why did you do that?!

Kari: Because I don't think that he really knows why any of this happen. I mean...can you remember how this all started in the first place?

Tai: *thinks for a moment* No, I can't say I do. I do remember that we were once at a party for a while last night. Can't really remember much after that.

Kari: Then don't you see? If we can't remember anything from last night, that must have meant we got drunk!

Tai: But the only question is how did we get drunk? All we had was punch.

Kari: Then someone must have spiked it. The only question is...who?

Tai: *glares at T.K.*

T.K.: *sweatdrops* I already told you it wasn't me.

Tai: *mumbles* Yeah...it had better not be you.

Kari: Well, since we're getting no where fast, we might as well figure out who is the culprit. Who was at the party we were at last night?

Tai: Just about everybody.

Kari: *sweatdrops* Well that helps. At least we can narrow it down to the boys. I'm doubtful that one of the girls would be responsible for this.

T.K.: What makes you say that?

Kari: Well there is the possibility that one of the women are responsible, but still it is highly unlikly that has happened. Also, and if it was one of the women, that wouldn't make very much sense.

T.K.: Why's that.

Kari: Take a good look lover. Would you need to be drunk in order to fuck me?

T.K.: Good point. By the way...would you care if I touched you for a moment? *starts to reach a hand out to touch Kari's breast*

Tai: *quickly stands in front of T.K.'s hand and Kari's upper torso*

T.K. *his hand hits Tai's right breast*

Tai: *looks down at T.K.* Getting a little touchy aren't we. Care to move your hand down a little further south?

T.K.: *screams and runs into the kitchen*

The sound of running water and frantic scubbing can soon be heard.

Tai: I wonder what his problem is?

Kari: Boys, boys, boys.

Tai: I think you've been doing a little to much thinking about boys today.

Kari: *sticks her tongue out*

Tai: *grabs her tongue and gives it a sharp twist*

Kari: Ow!

Tai: Serves you right. T.K.! Are you coming.

T.K. *comes into the living room with lemon-scented hands* Yeah. Ready whenever you are. *goes out the door*

Random female: Ahh!!!

Kari: Umm...maybe we should put some cloths on first.

T.K.: *walks in with a red face* Good idea.

All: *quickly put on their cloths*

T.K.: Well now that we're all decent, where to?

Kari: I say we start off with the most obvious. Let us pay a visit to Davis, shall we?

A short time latter, the trio are standing in front of Davis's apartment door.

Kari: *knocks on the door* *as the door opens, she punches Jun in the eye*

Jun: Ow! *grabs her eye* What was that for?!

Kari: *jumps* Oh! Sorry Jun, I thought Davis would be the one to open the door.

Jun: Well guess again. What do you want if my younger brother anyhow?

Kari: Someone got the three of us drunk. The end result was a three-way between me, T.K., and Tai.

Jun: *mouth hits the floor* You had sex with your brother?!

Kari: I don't remember. We were so drunk that we didn't remember much after the party.

*a noise is heard within the apartment*

T.K.: What was that?

Jun: Oh...that? That was my brother. He's a little retained at the moment.

T.K.: *shoving his way past Jun* Here let me what is...WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Tai and Kari: *enters the room and stares in shock with T.K. as they notice Davis being duct taped to the wall spread eagled fasion.

Davis: *through the duct tape covering his mouth* Mffffffff, mfffffffff!

Tai: Need I ask to what is going on here?

Jun: *sweatdrops* I think Davis is the one who should explain that to you. *removes the duct tape from Davi's mouth with a loud ripping sound*

Davis: OW! Gentle next time, would you? Look guys, you've got to help me. Sometime during the party, I got kicked out because I was charged with harrassment.

Kari: Serves you right for squeezing my ass.

Davis: Well anyway, after that happened, my sister comes home from the party, at about 11:00 at night, as if she was drunk. Next thing I now, she's tearing my cloths off and raping me! It hasn't stopped there either. Oh no! Now she is trying to get more kinky with me, and what's worse, the alchol has worn off. Please, you've got to do something to help me.

T.K.: Should we leave him? It would be barbaric to do so.

Kari: It would be inhuman as well.

T.K. and Kari: Let's do it.

T.K.: Sorry Davis, but your on your own on this one.

Davis: What?! You guys can't do this to me. You've got to save me from this...thing! *screams as he sees Jun disrobing to reveal a leather latex body suit underneath*
Please! Someone, anyone, help! *continues screaming as the gang leaths the apartment*


T.K.: Well wasn't that mildly entertaining?

Kari: It sure was, I wonder how long it will be until they get to the more extensive stuff like being branded and being pierced and tatoo.

Tai: Probably in two days at this rate. Did you check the shit covered dildo protruding from the couch?

T.K. *winces* Unfortunatly not.

Kari: Well that marks off one suspect on our list. Who do we pay a visit to next?


As you can see, I'm not that far along into it, so any ideas, no matter how bad you may think they may be, please post. I'm a desperate writter, and I'm willing to take just about anything I can get.

[Lord Archive]

Hate to say it, but this fict didn't do much for me.

The base problem is that for something that appears to aim for dark flippant comedy, we only see some of it in Davis's scene. Kari doesn't bothered at all by the idea that she had sex with Tai, and neither is Tai.

If you're trying to make us laugh at their misfortune, we have to feel that it's something they don't want. Adding some more discription would help a lot.

Here's an example:
Tai: *looks down at T.K.* Getting a little touchy aren't we. Care to move your hand down a little further south?

T.K.: Eyes lock on Tai's cock and realization pierces his clouded mind. His ass is sore! He vomits all over Tai. White foam from the upchuck drips from Tai's hard penis and he spews again figuring out what the white spunk was.

Tai: Throtles T.K. again.


Also, Kari doing 'can't remember? We got drunk!' is plausible, though from Matt's band parties, Tai probably knows that wasn't alcohol that was dumped into the punch. Especially after finding others who ended up having unplanned sex. Their are drugs that will do this, but alcohol isn't one of them


I know characterization means shit in a flippant comedy, but for once in one of these I'd like to see TK and Kari being somewhat in character and Davis NOT getting bashed. Put Matt in Jun's hot seat and have Tai leave him behind for dumping him for Sora.

[Angeteen]

*takes note of the other drugs part and decideds to do a little research latter*

Davis getting bashed you say? Nah! I plan to do something like this to all the characters that enters this fic. More description? Well...I am writting this on the fly sort to speak, so I just type whatever enters in my head and leaves it as is. Guess I will just have to leave that till I go back over it (don't count on this happenig, I get very lazy, but for once, I will try to make the effort...if I remember).

As for your suggestion of that Tai/T.K. scene...that's just a little to much for me (partly because of the yaoi). I'm trying to make this a bit of a lime, and, for whatever reason, I think that's just a bit to much. ^^:

[Lord Archive]

For a comedy fict like the one you're making, you WANT to go beyond bounderies, you WANT people to go 'what the fuck?!' It's the entire point.

Now if you don't want yaoi references, that's fine. But there's still the point of Kari going 'Gee, I had sex with my brother. Oh, well.' Which can work, but only if Tai is going nuts about the chance he may have knocked up his own sister.

As for Davis bashing. Placing him as main suspect when his sister is more likely to do it and Matt is more likely to have the means to do it does lessen the trust they show for him. Then they leave him to be screwed by Jun when he's pleading mercy. And Kari insulting him and was going to attach him without proof he even did the crime. She didn't insult Vamdemon and yet she belittles Davis. Unless Tai leaves Matt in the tender mercy of a butt ugly girl, Mimi with Sukamon, and Sora with Chuumon... Davis is certainly being bashed here.


By the way, sexual harassment in Japan is a foriegn concept. Kari would EXPECT to have a stranger grab her butt on a subway. It's part of life there. That Davis did that at a party would mean NOTHING.

[Angeteen]

*pops a piece of gum in his mouth and tosses the wrapper into a trash can*

Two points!


What can I say? I'm taking the easy road here. Since T.K. and Davis seems to be at ends over Kari's heart, that's why I put him as the first suspect. I mean think about it...T.K. is with them, and since he was drunk as well, then that crosses him off the list of suspects. So, by my reasoning, Davis would be next (and, yes, I was going entirely to much along with what T.K. probably wanted instead of siding with Kari, which I realize was one of my errors). The fact that he has a sister makes things all the more easier to try to add a shot of comedy which was why he was being raped by her. Now then...as for the rest...except for Matt and Yolie, I can't really think of any of them having any siblings that I could properly use, and even if they did, it would become tiresome after the third one.

So, bashing or not, I could care less. I'm going with what pops into my head, and if it be bashing, then provided I can use it to my benefit, then by golly, I'm going to do so. As I said in my first post, I'm desperate in writing this (thank you writer's block), so what offense is taken will be on that person's own time. My goal is just to finish writing this which is becoming really frustrating to do! >_<

So then...hopefully leaving aside the bashing issues aside (which is getting really boring discussing), maybe we can figure out something else to add to it. I'm curretly trying to throw Cody or perhaps Matt in as the next suspect, but, I'm having trouble doing so (again, thank you writer's block). >_>

[InsaneImpmon]

Matt could make a good suspect next but it could be a little too obvious. Izzy and Joe aren't likely either as they don't show much sign of causing trouble although with Joe's medical background he could concote something similiar to date rape drug. Finally in the end they find out Cody did it. Now that would be different.

For an added major WTF factor, have Jun confirm her pregnacy, and Davis is the father. I know some people don't like incest and to bear a child between sister and brother would hit the nail on the head. Of course this part alone could quickly make you unpopular with some readers. (read: flame mail)

[Lord Archive]

List of suspects, in rough order:
Name- reason- means.
Where they end up.

Yamato- To get Sora.- Access to drugs from being a rock star.
With Chizuru, Miyako's older sister and Jun's best friend.

Jyou- To get Mimi.- Access to medical supplies.
????

Koushiro- To get a girl.- Ordered off Internet.
????

Sora- To get Yamato or Taichi.- Got drug from after concert party.
????

Miyako- To get a guy.- Got drug from after concert party.
????

Mimi- To get a certain guy.- Got drug from old friend.
Screwing Sukamon and Chuumon.

Iori- To get a girl.- ?
????

Culprit? Hikari. The reason she professed innocence early was because she didn't want to get caught and wanted to see how her prank played out.


I'll make changes when I think of them.

[xXJoeCoolXx]

Wow...Lots of feedback...Maybe I can post some of my older fics here...Heh...Like my first fic!!...Witness the less than mediocre style of script formatted fic!!...The horror of bland descriptions!!...Grammar and spelling errors amuck!!...It's the purest of all evil in the deepest depths of hell all splattered in a bloody mess on a NOTE PAD!!...BWAHAHAHA...

And as for my two cents...I would actually make Hikari the culprit...Heh...Adds the twist to it...But then...Come to think of it...Some people who read a fic like this might expect the unexpected which will force me to make another random character as the culprit...And...>_<...

Know what...Never mind...Don't mind what I say...Damn my computer...Maybe that floppy disc is somewhere nearby...

Just one thing though...With the whole culprit thing...SURPRISE ME!!...^_^...I love surprises...

[Angeteen]

Hmm...Kari is not going to be the one who did it. In fact, provided I can make a slight expantion of my mind, I think I might be able to pull it off into something people wouldn't noramlly expect. But how to do it... Well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Thanks for some ideas Lord Archive. I'll see if I can use some of them.