Requests and Generosity..All for nothing?

[SnK]

Yeah, you've probably know I mostly do requests by choice rather than commissions, since I have not much RL time to dedicate a portion of it, as I already have a committed or prioritized stuff to draw here and there, yadda-yadda.

I will admit, there are times I feel my efforts aren't paid back in full worth, heck, I even try to whack myself with the sugar coated mental pill of "All that matters is you're happy my work," or "Your thanks would be enough," Blah, blah.. The saintly good guy sentiments and all those kindly spoutings.

Thoughts at times made me think that perhaps I am just too soft and kind for far too long, even probably overly generous, that there will come a time when there would be manipulators and/or opportunists that shall take advantage of that.

Certainly I am no saint nor buddha. A man has his patience, and it ain't an infinite gushing spring. Something within me tells me that my patience is at it limits, I am stretched too thin, and a tired, repressed inner self demanding it is time that I ask something for the things that I have done... For every damned efforts and every moments that I have to bust my hands and fingers to death.

Yet, I am still conflicted between my generous side, and that semi-selfish one that yearns, screams, whines and even demand; "I richly deserve something in return for all what I have done! Hell, too long I have been too giving!"

...I've been endlessly tired of being disappointed.... And hellishly empty at times.

Rant over. Now let hellfire and brimstone rain down like there's no tommorow.

[DragonMasterX]

What are you asking for? Better, bigger acknowledgement, or actual retribution, like getting arts as gifts for all you've done?

'cuz if the latter, you might wanna begin engaging on Trades. Some writers might even be willing to write stories for you in exchange for your work in case you don't feel like you want art, you ARE a great artist after all.

If the former... I suffer from the same.

"Thank you."

"It was great."

"Cool."

And then I'm just forgotten, at least by the majority of my 'fans', I do admit there are nice people out there that will remain in contact to give me ideas or just to generally bolster my confidence. I don't know if we're comparable, seeing as I'm a writer and you're a full-fledged artist with great style, but the lack of bigger gratitude for all the effort I put in every request I write, to make it as perfect as I can, kind of staggers me and makes me wish I hadn't taken up on their request.

However... I also think that thanks to them, I get more practise writing. I still do have problems with some bits and pieces of english, so every story I write makes me feel like I'm improving.

And let's not forget that I openly threw myself at taking requests in the first place, so it's kinda like waving a fresh steak in front of a hungry lion. It's not 100% their fault.

My suggestion is to take the good side of things (The true, non-sugar-coated side of things) to make you feel better. In my case, I reiterate: With every new story I write, I feel my english improves further. So that's something.

[SnK]

If the former... I suffer from the same.

"Thank you."

"It was great."

"Cool."

And then I'm just forgotten, at least by the majority of my 'fans',

Those.

So easy to utter, but then.. Will that be all? For all the hardships?

Yeah, man.. Sometimes that is my dilemma. Probably a bitter ugly RL lesson as well; Do not expect too much or it will hurt you sa lot later on that you'll end up crying a river of shattered dreams and disappointment.

And, thanks for the compliment as well, DMX. at least that'll help ease my personal online problem a bit.

[DragonMasterX]

I do think that you're maybe delving more than you should, which is what is screwing with your self-confidence and will to fulfill requests. It's understandable though. I want a lot more comments than I'm getting, but it mainly stems from my envy to the more popular figures of FA that I senselessly strive to assimilate myself with.

And then you think you'll get something out of your sheer generosity, but the more you think you will, the less probable that event seems, and as it doesn't happen it depresses you further. It's happened a lot to me.

I've found that just relishing in the fact that you're making people happy doesn't cut it. Making strangers happy isn't the same as making friends or people you're close-with happy.

For instance, I was infinitely more pleased when I got a "Thank you" from Guilmon 'nd a Shotgun when I was done with "Not your typical Western." than the guy I engaged with a Trade in DeviantArt after I posted: "All Foxes go beyond Heaven". He just said it was cool and I never heard from him again.

I'd written more than 15+ pages worth of text for him, and he gave me 4 in return. He even asked if I wanted him to rewrite it, but I actually was so displeased that I just told him it was fine because "he had done as I had asked". In retrospect, I should've asked him to go on.

But that's just an example of how I've learned retribution works. You'll feel better when showing your work off to people you feel comfortable with, rather than someone you never met that is probably just leeching off you.

[SnK]

I do think that you're maybe delving more than you should, which is what is screwing with your self-confidence and will to fulfill requests.

Is this like, thinking or expecting too much? Also, yes, I have a bit of envy was well. (Some guys in DA with my case.) Trying my best to excel, to surpass, even if it means to the point of exhausting myself out.

[DragonMasterX]

No. It's only natural to expect something in return at some point, after all, it's your time and effort you're giving up for someone else's sake. My point is that you're going beyond that and wearing your psyche down by staying down and not seeking for alternatives (Or least, from what I've heard up to this point, you haven't), like engaging on Trades with others. If you feel like you deserve something and nobody does anything about it, then... It's only natural, people aren't psychics, and strangers? Forget it.

Do you at times feel like, after all your hard work, you're worthless? Thinking: "I shouldn't ask anyone for something because I'd be overstepping." and when the idea for a commission comes around, you just go: "But I don't want to pay for something that I'm not even sure will turn out good/as I want it." or just a simple: "I don't know them at all."

[SnK]

Yeah, I rarely get to do anything but requests..I did trades before but on a rare basis. : c

I really need help.

[DragonMasterX]

lol. We all do at one point or another, so you shouldn't feel bad about needing someone to lend you a hand with anything. From the sounds of it you don't get a lot of interaction to start with, but that can easily be remediated. Just need to reach out for people a bit more~ Why don't you try requesting something from someone you know?

The main idea is that, once you get that, you might feel compelled to repay that person back, and it would be a great surprise to them with whatever you make for 'em. That'd be the inverse of what you're trying to get, but if you feel you need to interact more with others, you may need to take the first step, so later, and after more interactions, it'll just feel natural to you.

I'm sure that after a few trades (either explicit or implicit; the one I described is implicit since you're not telling the person you request from it's a trade); you'll feel more confident about asking for what you want.

After all, if you know what you want and how to get it, then you shouldn't have any problems after you've made yourself more outgoing ^___^

[SnK]

I'll keep your advice in mind. Thank you very much for the assistance. I will also admit I rarely start or strike up conversations, even in chat. Prolly, I always got used to people coming at me first and being guided to whatever topic conversation we will talk about.

[DragonMasterX]

That's not gonna net you many friends, unless they all are just interested in something you have that they want, in which case you'll have someone phoney'ing and playing to be friends till they get what they want from you, most artists suffer from that.

Also, not striking up all the conversations is just as bad as forcing yourself to start them all, so don't feel like you're completely in the wrong. Everything's got a balance to it, you can't control how friendships oscillate either, but you'll pretty much grow on people and they'll grow on you if you're less neutral and more genuinely interested in getting to know them.

The saying is true: Strangers are friends you don't know yet.

Of course, this is all trial and error, so don't fully expect to run into batches of great people all at once. I assure you though, not everyone in the internet's a douchebag, and even those that seem like it can have really good hearts.