I’m wandering ‘round confused, wondering why I try.

[Wisemon]

I know I haven’t been on here very often lately. I had a girlfriend from September to mid-October, and it was awesome. She was as close to everything I’ve ever wanted in a girlfriend as I think I’ll ever get. She liked me too, but she broke up with me over a good intention that went wrong due to a breakdown in communication. She forgave me for that, but because I tried too hard to sway her back into a relationship, and because I’m “too honest, too naïve, too innocent, and don’t have enough life experience,” she said she was done with me and cut off all communication. I sent her a letter, but I doubt she read it.

I have met like a dozen girls since her who have seemed to be interested in me, none as good all-around as my ex, but I think they deserve a chance if they’re willing to like me.

They all lie. They all play games. Just this week, I sent out emails to four different girls that were perfectly calm, normal, just suggesting times or ways we could get in touch, all girls who said they were interested, and not one of my emails got a response. I even had a date for this weekend, and she just told me to send her an email to confirm the place and time. I sent it, no reply, tried an alternate method, and still no reply. Another girl I went on a few dates with, I tried to plan the third with her, but she’s been “busy” for a month, and other clues strongly indicate she’s seeing someone else. I gave her a chance to come clean, subtly, but she didn’t, and she had touted her honestly previously. What the hell?!

I wouldn’t say I’m desperate, but I really feel the hole in my life more than ever. It’s more than that though. I feel like I’m losing my identity. I play along, and I trust them, and in further emails, I have to pretend like they’re not snubbing me or lying to me. I badly want to call them on their bullshit. My ex played the same tricks; I know, but at least she had lots of other stuff to like. I just want a girl who likes me and doesn’t play games. She also has to be attractive and reasonably intelligent, but that’s about it.

I know men play games too, and in many ways, it’s because of that women are the way they are. I wish there was a way to kill all those men and start over, or something. I don’t know those men though, wouldn’t want to, and I’m just really pissed off at women right now.

And I'm aware that courting several at once is a game too, but with my kind of odds, I don't have much choice, and at least I would be honest about it if I were asked.