(01-10-2010 10:14 AM)Guilmon and a shotgun Wrote: Okay, you asked and i deliver Mr Ryan.
On first readthrough, it's a pretty decent story...i like the logging format, almost like an official diary, i expecially like how the initial of the G-bomb can stand for Gamma.
However, there are some issues here that i'm really not satisfied about...First of all, the whole nuke in a sniper rifle idea. This is the same warhead that whiped out the entire middle east and you've not only put it into an impossible sized projectile, but in a completely stupid weapon. A sniper rifle typically has a range less then that of the country's borders, so to fire the weapon you'd have to have AT LEAST one U.S marine there to fire it, in which case a bomb would be a better idea, or even an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile (ICBM).
Secondly, the technical description of the G-Bomb is confusing; How can fusing together a H-bomb, A-bomb and a bit of gamma radiation cause such a huge payload? I know detail can flounder a reader but to be honest i'm the opposite :P
A third thing i'd mention is punctuation, but i doubt you really care on that front much so i won't go into it.
One final thing, what is the main plot? We've been given the background, the whole post-apocalyptic summary but whats gonna happen now? Is this going to be the diary of a wacky military scientist that has to develop new weapons for the U.S against these mutants? or does he go "screw this shit" and hang around with the Mutant Geiger-crowd?
Sorry for the agression that may appear in my writing, but i really really had some issues with this i wanted sorting out :P
The plot is being worked on. I said it was an introduction to give you guys a preview of what the story I am working on is going to be about.
For the Rifle thing. *rofl* I couldn't tell you. It was an inside joke between me and my friend tanner. So I kinda wanted to do it like that.
The mixture of the two bomb and a massive load of gamma radiation also gaining power from the ground on impact which also sends a shock through it destroying every missal plus its own explosion makes a very big explosion. Also here is a fun fact. All of the places I named that where destroyed are actually places that surround Iraq. XD
Punctuation errors I kinda already saw. so yeah don't need to go into big detail there.
But does that answer some of your questions?