Forest of Peril

[DrakeRR]

I'm actually slightly envious on the way the author has taken some handcuffs and completely chained the dialects to their characters. So far, characterisations are perfect.

Really? I always thought characterisation was one of my weak points...

Fine, nice way of establishing the lazy mood with you narrative, but really saying "Ten minutes later" is a bit of a cop out.

Yeah, timeframes. I gotta learn to replace them with something more interesting. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Although, concidering the state of the Digital World when Kari had joined, I doubt they'd be lazing about quite as much, and also they complained of hunger in the series, rather than glutting themselves on plentiful fruit.

*Sweatdrop* Ehhh... :oops:

However, the format is starting to grate on my nerves. Indents should be used for the begining of every new paragraph. They have no dashes in them, and aren't only used for dialogue. It's really easy to read, but not actually correct.

Point taken. Any suggetions on how to tackle dialogue? I like spoken text clear. This is probably a bit too clear...

I don't think Gatomon or Tai would cry uselessly: I think they'd both get very angry, and have shouting match before anything else.

I was trying to bring over the fact that Gatomon had the idea Kari was dead. :oops:

Characterisation with the villians and victim remains fantastic.

Thankyouuuuu! :o

No complaints about the sex scene, other than "poor Kari", but I knew what I was letting myself in for.
...
Well, the begining was enjoyable, and anyone with the fetish will be delighted, I'm sure.

I hate rape myself. It was more of an experiment to see if I could actually bring myself to write one. I really felt sorry for Kari... Does that make me mentally ill?

Thanks for the great review, I'll keep it in mind from now on.