07-24-2006, 09:47 AM
This is just the opening of a story I began writing yesterday, to develop the backstory of my WOW characters Zul'Ashi and Tarylian, and perhaps eventually their entire guild... at least, some of the guild.
I'm only seeking feedback on this opening paragraph, and would prefer not to go into explaining the whole plot, as currently planned, for the story. Is this an opening that would make you want to read the story? What points would you change? How would you change them? Are there any semantic issues you might like to debate on this, or points character, setting, or action you would like to discuss.
Some knowledge of the final events of WarCraft 3: Reign of Chaos is strongly recommended, but not required.
That's it. So far of the three people I've asked it's three positive feedbacks, but I'd like more. Please, no ego-boosts or flames -- I'm only posting this to get productive comments on what is good, bad, and what would be suitable ways to change it. I've never really worried about my hooks before, but with this story, I want to make sure it's a good hook, even to people who aren't already WarCraft fans in some way or another.
I'm only seeking feedback on this opening paragraph, and would prefer not to go into explaining the whole plot, as currently planned, for the story. Is this an opening that would make you want to read the story? What points would you change? How would you change them? Are there any semantic issues you might like to debate on this, or points character, setting, or action you would like to discuss.
Some knowledge of the final events of WarCraft 3: Reign of Chaos is strongly recommended, but not required.
Quote:Seven feet tall, he stalked through the deep forest of Ashenvale. It had been a week since the battle of Mount Hyjal, and his body was still oozing as it burned energy to regenerate the near fatal wounds he had suffered. This was no time to rest, as Ashi hunted for sustenance, to keep his body functioning. Food had been scarce as he had come down the mountain, and that had slowed his ability to regenerate. But now food was plentiful, when he could catch it.
That's it. So far of the three people I've asked it's three positive feedbacks, but I'd like more. Please, no ego-boosts or flames -- I'm only posting this to get productive comments on what is good, bad, and what would be suitable ways to change it. I've never really worried about my hooks before, but with this story, I want to make sure it's a good hook, even to people who aren't already WarCraft fans in some way or another.