07-22-2006, 07:06 PM
I'm sorry, but here I am, ranting again, I'm sorry if I nag and complain a lot about my life, but I really can't help this one...
Last Saturday, Blitz disappeared without a trace, all we know is that he gave Velmont a notepad, that's all.
Last Sunday, Raymond and Ryan went away, I don't know where- but I'm sure they'll be back eventually. I start grieving about Munkee leaving, knowing that I could've told her more if I wasn't so busy trying to stop Mr. Epsilon from fighting Ms. Zephyr and Vice versa, so I lock myself in my room.
Last Monday, I can't take it anymore, I needed to talk to someone, but Blitz, Blue and Ryan weren't home yet- so did something stupid- I went to Velmont, he was reading one of his Gear mags, when I told him I was misreable. He told me to hold on, and took out a notepad.
"-Let's see... Depressed, misreable, missing someone- Ah- Why? What's the matter?" He said, skimming the notepad. I figure Blitz gave it to him for such an occasion.
"I miss munkee-" I replied.
He skims it again. "Someone dies- someone hates you- someone leaves- There- Gunter, friends come and go. It's whether they come back that matters." He replies.
"-But what if she never comes back!?" I say.
"Tough luck." He throws the notebook away.
Somewhere during the conversation, I told him I appreciate that he's at least trying to help me, and we talk about relationships. I happened to joke about being in love with a dog, when he excuses himself, and returns. He asked me again, and I told him I was madly in love with Balto, from the movie (which is true, I'm swooning)- when he suddenly knocked me to the ground, and started putting this straitjacket on me- He yells stuff at me in Romanian, then in english.
I begged him to let me go- but he put me in the lower room, and chained it to the wall.
I fucking stayed their for three days- I missed three days of work- and I missed the DaD- I yelled, and cried, but he didn't care- I wanted to just die- but NO.
Last Wednesday, my boss traveled four hours just to check on me- bless her, if she hadn't come, he wouldn't have let me down. I discovered that...
He had gotten to my PC. He ruined it- destroyed everything- my modem- and all my files- gone- I hated him- it took me three whole fucking months to save 1.48GB worth of porn and music!
I'm forced to use a pc in town, where they're so damn slow, and people stare at you- and I can't do more than 1-2 hours- because if I get home late to make dinner, he beats me up.
Don't get me wrong, I love it when he does that- but too much pleasure is still pain.
He's taken to hurting me on a daily basis, my stomach hurts a lot, he keeps punching me there- I'm covered in bruises, and I don't even bother counting the sprains he gave me-
If I really do deserve all that, do I not deserve to die? Why let me live through this hell?
I love my brother. He's family to me. No matter how he hurts me. But why does he hurt me? Why does he hate me? What did I do to him?
I only just got released, I can't type that fast, and I refuse to eat.
I'm trying to kill myself, and I tried to when he bound me again- this time because he found out I had feelings for my dog.
I refused to eat the food he gave me, and I coulnd't do any more-
I tried holding my breath to suffocate myself- but I can't do it- not even past three minutes!
I'd rather die than live like this again- he threatened to leave too- I don't want him to leave- if he leaves, I'm all alone again... well... at least I'll have my dogs, and my boss.
Speaking about my boss, she calls me Vicky now, is that could or bad?
Why doesn't Velmont just send me to hell? It's starting to sound nice to me.
I'm so confused, I can't type right, I can't work right, and I cant think right. Advice would be much appreciated.
And thank you all so very much for putting up with me, really...
Last Saturday, Blitz disappeared without a trace, all we know is that he gave Velmont a notepad, that's all.
Last Sunday, Raymond and Ryan went away, I don't know where- but I'm sure they'll be back eventually. I start grieving about Munkee leaving, knowing that I could've told her more if I wasn't so busy trying to stop Mr. Epsilon from fighting Ms. Zephyr and Vice versa, so I lock myself in my room.
Last Monday, I can't take it anymore, I needed to talk to someone, but Blitz, Blue and Ryan weren't home yet- so did something stupid- I went to Velmont, he was reading one of his Gear mags, when I told him I was misreable. He told me to hold on, and took out a notepad.
"-Let's see... Depressed, misreable, missing someone- Ah- Why? What's the matter?" He said, skimming the notepad. I figure Blitz gave it to him for such an occasion.
"I miss munkee-" I replied.
He skims it again. "Someone dies- someone hates you- someone leaves- There- Gunter, friends come and go. It's whether they come back that matters." He replies.
"-But what if she never comes back!?" I say.
"Tough luck." He throws the notebook away.
Somewhere during the conversation, I told him I appreciate that he's at least trying to help me, and we talk about relationships. I happened to joke about being in love with a dog, when he excuses himself, and returns. He asked me again, and I told him I was madly in love with Balto, from the movie (which is true, I'm swooning)- when he suddenly knocked me to the ground, and started putting this straitjacket on me- He yells stuff at me in Romanian, then in english.
I begged him to let me go- but he put me in the lower room, and chained it to the wall.
I fucking stayed their for three days- I missed three days of work- and I missed the DaD- I yelled, and cried, but he didn't care- I wanted to just die- but NO.
Last Wednesday, my boss traveled four hours just to check on me- bless her, if she hadn't come, he wouldn't have let me down. I discovered that...
He had gotten to my PC. He ruined it- destroyed everything- my modem- and all my files- gone- I hated him- it took me three whole fucking months to save 1.48GB worth of porn and music!
I'm forced to use a pc in town, where they're so damn slow, and people stare at you- and I can't do more than 1-2 hours- because if I get home late to make dinner, he beats me up.
Don't get me wrong, I love it when he does that- but too much pleasure is still pain.
He's taken to hurting me on a daily basis, my stomach hurts a lot, he keeps punching me there- I'm covered in bruises, and I don't even bother counting the sprains he gave me-
If I really do deserve all that, do I not deserve to die? Why let me live through this hell?
I love my brother. He's family to me. No matter how he hurts me. But why does he hurt me? Why does he hate me? What did I do to him?
I only just got released, I can't type that fast, and I refuse to eat.
I'm trying to kill myself, and I tried to when he bound me again- this time because he found out I had feelings for my dog.
I refused to eat the food he gave me, and I coulnd't do any more-
I tried holding my breath to suffocate myself- but I can't do it- not even past three minutes!
I'd rather die than live like this again- he threatened to leave too- I don't want him to leave- if he leaves, I'm all alone again... well... at least I'll have my dogs, and my boss.
Speaking about my boss, she calls me Vicky now, is that could or bad?
Why doesn't Velmont just send me to hell? It's starting to sound nice to me.
I'm so confused, I can't type right, I can't work right, and I cant think right. Advice would be much appreciated.
And thank you all so very much for putting up with me, really...