07-24-2006, 04:02 PM
Okay, well, it has been over a week since I read the stories, but I remember very clearly all of them.
"The Break Up" wasn't so much a break up, as it was a single argument, and the whole premise was weak. When Kari started to suck his balls because he hurt them, I almost bust out laughing because it was just so out of character for her, and out of character for Davis to accept it like that, when she already had a boyfriend especially when he knew that the aforementioned boyfriend was on his way.
T.K. and Yolei were both very OOC, in that they didn't even take the chance to hear out the other side. I understand that seeing that sort of thing will make someone irrational, but I don't think T.K. would react in such a way, and Yolei wouldn't be so quick to judge her friend.
There were almost no prose, no description of the setting, and the characterization is nothing like what we know of the characters. I find myself wondering about silly things without prose, like what type of table Davis hit his crotch on.
"May I Take This Dance" was a beautiful story all around. Starting with Veemon being hurt by losing Gatomon to another, and dealing with the pain that it brought to him. I felt that perhaps his attraction to Renamon may have been nothing more than something he did on the rebound, but it was still written beautifully.
Renamon may wake the next morning to find that Flamedramon's feelings for her were artificial, that he was in pain and, unknowingly, sought solace in her.
"Gump" I believe was a strong piece of work. Jyou and Sora were kept in character, and Mimi was kept well into her season one character. I can't say honestly that I felt the whole thing was in character for her however, but it wasn't the worst I had ever seen OOCness.
The style was strong, and sent Jyou's feelings effectively to the readers. His nervousness and everything seemed in character for him in that situation. Not sure about him not wearing his glasses, as I think he would be the kind that would never go against doctor's orders.
Though I felt given the style, the story, and everything altogether, that "Gump" was the best of the three, though it was a very difficult call between that and "May I Take This Dance".
"The Break Up" wasn't so much a break up, as it was a single argument, and the whole premise was weak. When Kari started to suck his balls because he hurt them, I almost bust out laughing because it was just so out of character for her, and out of character for Davis to accept it like that, when she already had a boyfriend especially when he knew that the aforementioned boyfriend was on his way.
T.K. and Yolei were both very OOC, in that they didn't even take the chance to hear out the other side. I understand that seeing that sort of thing will make someone irrational, but I don't think T.K. would react in such a way, and Yolei wouldn't be so quick to judge her friend.
There were almost no prose, no description of the setting, and the characterization is nothing like what we know of the characters. I find myself wondering about silly things without prose, like what type of table Davis hit his crotch on.
"May I Take This Dance" was a beautiful story all around. Starting with Veemon being hurt by losing Gatomon to another, and dealing with the pain that it brought to him. I felt that perhaps his attraction to Renamon may have been nothing more than something he did on the rebound, but it was still written beautifully.
Renamon may wake the next morning to find that Flamedramon's feelings for her were artificial, that he was in pain and, unknowingly, sought solace in her.
"Gump" I believe was a strong piece of work. Jyou and Sora were kept in character, and Mimi was kept well into her season one character. I can't say honestly that I felt the whole thing was in character for her however, but it wasn't the worst I had ever seen OOCness.
The style was strong, and sent Jyou's feelings effectively to the readers. His nervousness and everything seemed in character for him in that situation. Not sure about him not wearing his glasses, as I think he would be the kind that would never go against doctor's orders.
Though I felt given the style, the story, and everything altogether, that "Gump" was the best of the three, though it was a very difficult call between that and "May I Take This Dance".