I hate writing shit; it is so stupid

[Wisemon]

Welcome to my review thread. In here, any new author who writes a straight pairing lemon might get a review from me, whether or not he wants one. Of course, negative comments won't make it into the author's lemon listing page. They'll stay right here, where they belong.

I'll start with Brashen's "Loves beginning" [sic], since he's chosen everybody's favorite couple, T.K. and Kari.

First of all, the title should read "Love's Beginning," but that's a moot point. The much larger problem here is the lack of separation of dialogue, making this lemon very hard to read. Here's a very basic writing tip: New speakers get new paragraphs. If it weren't for that, the writing style (just the style) here might have some promise. Another thing, it ain't a lemon until somebody shows some genitals. The pairing here is really N/A, though if T.K. and Kari had gone all the way in one scene, it would've been even more rushed. As it was, this had hardly any makings of a legitimate series. My grade: 5/10.

If anybody wants to see a decent new Takari, check out Gigasmon86's new lemon on DHZ. Dream sequences are great ways to have instant lemon scenes, though a little cheap.