04-25-2011, 04:28 AM
"You can't just take care of him yourself! You need to find someone to hel you!" Rika was lecturing Renamon about not being able to take care of the baby herself.
I think that was obvious by the dialogue...... also, use spellcheck; in all three there are massive spelling errors.
I read on, and I'm pleasantly surprised by the change of writing style. I really enjoyed the style this time and your improvement is intense, to say the least, between works.
I'd say you still need to work on Renamon's dialogue, but the overall story was average, in comparison to the other fanfic and internet writers, this time around.
Also, don't worry too much about my harshness, I simply expect a lot.
(Also, the way your style is vastly different between the first two makes me wonder how you pulled that off...if I didn't know better, I'd even say somebody else wrote it. I'd prefer to believe you simply improved just that much)
I think that was obvious by the dialogue...... also, use spellcheck; in all three there are massive spelling errors.
I read on, and I'm pleasantly surprised by the change of writing style. I really enjoyed the style this time and your improvement is intense, to say the least, between works.
I'd say you still need to work on Renamon's dialogue, but the overall story was average, in comparison to the other fanfic and internet writers, this time around.
Also, don't worry too much about my harshness, I simply expect a lot.
(Also, the way your style is vastly different between the first two makes me wonder how you pulled that off...if I didn't know better, I'd even say somebody else wrote it. I'd prefer to believe you simply improved just that much)