Yeah, you've probably know I mostly do requests by choice rather than commissions, since I have not much RL time to dedicate a portion of it, as I already have a committed or prioritized stuff to draw here and there, yadda-yadda.
I will admit, there are times I feel my efforts aren't paid back in full worth, heck, I even try to whack myself with the sugar coated mental pill of "All that matters is you're happy my work," or "Your thanks would be enough," Blah, blah.. The saintly good guy sentiments and all those kindly spoutings.
Thoughts at times made me think that perhaps I am just too soft and kind for far too long, even probably overly generous, that there will come a time when there would be manipulators and/or opportunists that shall take advantage of that.
Certainly I am no saint nor buddha. A man has his patience, and it ain't an infinite gushing spring. Something within me tells me that my patience is at it limits, I am stretched too thin, and a tired, repressed inner self demanding it is time that I ask something for the things that I have done... For every damned efforts and every moments that I have to bust my hands and fingers to death.
Yet, I am still conflicted between my generous side, and that semi-selfish one that yearns, screams, whines and even demand; "I richly deserve something in return for all what I have done! Hell, too long I have been too giving!"
...I've been endlessly tired of being disappointed.... And hellishly empty at times.
Rant over. Now let hellfire and brimstone rain down like there's no tommorow.
I will admit, there are times I feel my efforts aren't paid back in full worth, heck, I even try to whack myself with the sugar coated mental pill of "All that matters is you're happy my work," or "Your thanks would be enough," Blah, blah.. The saintly good guy sentiments and all those kindly spoutings.
Thoughts at times made me think that perhaps I am just too soft and kind for far too long, even probably overly generous, that there will come a time when there would be manipulators and/or opportunists that shall take advantage of that.
Certainly I am no saint nor buddha. A man has his patience, and it ain't an infinite gushing spring. Something within me tells me that my patience is at it limits, I am stretched too thin, and a tired, repressed inner self demanding it is time that I ask something for the things that I have done... For every damned efforts and every moments that I have to bust my hands and fingers to death.
Yet, I am still conflicted between my generous side, and that semi-selfish one that yearns, screams, whines and even demand; "I richly deserve something in return for all what I have done! Hell, too long I have been too giving!"
...I've been endlessly tired of being disappointed.... And hellishly empty at times.
Rant over. Now let hellfire and brimstone rain down like there's no tommorow.
Light and Darkness, the balance for which is the Shadow--the perfect sphere of order. One cannot live without the other...