08-10-2006, 10:20 AM
In my romps through genre and convention and through self analasis and reveiw, I see a huge difference between how female and how male authors write sex scenes.
Looking at my own, I see a huge lump of text, explaining the feelings, sensations, and actions. But when I look at other stories (written by self proclaimed fangirls), I see a well spaced out sex scene full of want and need.
What these girls do is they write dialogue into their sex scenes. Not just "I'm cumming!" or "Ah, ah!", or ""Uuugh!" Elecmon moaned as he came to orgasm", but actual declairations. Things like;
"Daisuke could no longer control himself. "Oh, please, Ken, now, now..!"
""No, not yet, Dai-kun..." Ken murmered, as he continued to rub the rubber duck over his pointed nipples."
So, what's the best way to write a sex scene? Should the scene show how the characters feel toward each other, through these fantastic dialogues, or should they show what they feel themselves, with these silent lovemaking scenes?
Now, as an example, here's Lord Archive's sex scene from "Not Normal".
[quote=Lord Archive]Takeru couldn't believe the kiss or how Hikari's roaming hands goaded
him on. Her hands had slipped under his shirt and were almost massaging
him. His hands were roaming over her body as well. He pushed up
her shirt until her bra was showing. He then slipped a couple fingers
under the imitation silk fabric and caressed one of her hardened nipples.
Hikari moaned. She removed a hand from under Takeru's shirt and
unclasped her bra. She groaned happily as Takeru exposed her breasts
to the air. She reluctantly let him break off their passionate frenching
as he made a trail of butterfly kisses from her lips to her breasts.
Takeru began to suckle on Hikari's teats. He was beyond happy that
Hikari was letting him do this. He didn't care how much this would
upset Daisuke, and didn't even give a thought to what Taichi would
do if he found out. All that mattered at the moment to Takeru was
Hikari and how they could share pleasure with each other.
Hikari knew why Takeru had wanted to talk to her, to finally tell
her his feelings, but his actions were proving that far better than
his words could have. She gave no thought to Daisuke or to her family.
This wasn't about anyone else, just Takeru and her.
Takeru looked into Hikari's eyes as he unbuttoned her pants. Seeing
nothing but longing, he pulled her pants and panties off. He marveled
at the sight before him. A fine brown delta of hair pointed enticingly to her treasured hole.
Hikari gazed up while he removed his pants and boxers. She was impressed
with his size as it was bigger than her older brother's. His pubic
hair had grown to form a bush larger than her own.
Takeru laid on top of her and began to kiss her in earnest. His
cock rubbed against her opening but wouldn't go in. He grabbed hold
of his dick a guided it into her. He felt something block his progress and held on to her tightly.
Hikari braced herself as she felt Takeru lifting off her slightly,
her head nestled against his shoulder. He then thrust into her sharply
and her nails scratched his back and she bit down.
"H-Hikari? You okay?" Takeru propped himself up, a hand involuntarily
going to where she had bit him. His manhood was still inside her.
Hikari shivered under him. Pain and pleasure crashed through her
being in ways she couldn't comprehend. Her eyes were momentarily
unfocused, but soon she was able to see Takeru looking at her with
concern. She smiled at him. "I'm fine now. Please continue... slowly."
Takeru didn't know what else to do. He hadn't planned on doing this.
All he wanted to do was talk, maybe kiss her, but this was so much
more. While he knew that she liked him, he was afraid she didn't
love him or that she liked Daisuke more. There was no way he could
think that now. Not after she just took his virginity and that he took hers.
"Takeru please...." Hikari whimpered.
"S-sorry." Takeru pulled out a little and pushed back in. The pleasure
slammed into his head, idling his thoughts again. There was no use
in thinking about this, but just to do it.
Hikari moaned appreciatively as she felt Takeru thrust into her
again and again. Her hands were on his ass kneading them, and helping to guide Takeru into a rhythm.
Takeru's body pounded against Hikari's, his arms straining to support
his weight and the actions of his hips.
Hikari's whole body was pushed and pulled across the ground. Her
small, tender breasts vibrated as their bodies crashed against each
other. Her mind was soaring with ecstasy. Her body was a blaze with
a fire no amount of water could douse. Her needs, her yearnings
were for the approaching moment, the time that she would truly know what pleasure was.
Takeru's world was one tight but slick cunt and his rod. It slid
in and out of her over and over again. The tension was unbelievable.
He grimaced trying to rein in the oncoming flood. He groaned loudly
as he failed to hold on. He fired shot after shot of hot cum into
her and his thrusting became erratic.
Hikari felt his dick twitching and filling her. She was so close.
A little more and she would be orgasming too. Her hand reached down
and encircled his member at the base, coaxing a few more thrusts
and brushing her own clit in the process. Her body arched as the
tension in her body became unbearable. With a cry she finally came,
her vagina trying to milk Takeru's shrinking penis for the last of its seed.
Takeru collapsed heavily on top of Hikari, unable to support himself
anymore. He tried to catch his breath, but he felt like he had just
finished a long desperate battle and won.
Hikari pushed Takeru over a little so she could breath more easily.
Then she just laid there soaking up the experience of what just happened.[/quote]
I'm awfully sorry for the length of these passages, but I'm trying to get my point across. Now, the next one is from a writer on Slashfiction.com called Aphrael, so yaoi warning. It's a lady, and she's written something called "Whipped", which is one of the best Ken and Daisuke lemons I've come across. Whipped can be found here. It's a fantastic read, and I highly recommend reading the entire thing rather than the excerpt below if you have interests in yaoi. Here's the sex scene from there:
[quote=Aphrael]Ken stepped forward again, and bent smoothly to recover the whip. "Looks like you dropped something."
Daisuke took another instinctive step back, caught by the look in Ken's eyes and unable to look away. What is he doing? He can't be... No way... It's... it's... Oh god, if it is... He had to choke back a groan as a sharp twinge of something shot up from the ache in his groin at the prospect.
"Are you feeling all right, Daisuke?" Ken took another step forward. "You're acting very strangely."
"Um..." Daisuke's back hit something that clattered a little as he stepped away again. He'd been backed up against the fence. Wide-eyed, he stared up at his best friend, who smiled in return and closed the rest of the distance between them.
"Hmm." His fingers brushed lightly against Daisuke's wrists, which rested against his sides, shaking uncontrollably right along with the rest of him. Then he started to lean down, his breath brushing softly against the shorter boy's cheeks. Fully expecting to be kissed, and in no shape to say or do anything against it
Looking at my own, I see a huge lump of text, explaining the feelings, sensations, and actions. But when I look at other stories (written by self proclaimed fangirls), I see a well spaced out sex scene full of want and need.
What these girls do is they write dialogue into their sex scenes. Not just "I'm cumming!" or "Ah, ah!", or ""Uuugh!" Elecmon moaned as he came to orgasm", but actual declairations. Things like;
"Daisuke could no longer control himself. "Oh, please, Ken, now, now..!"
""No, not yet, Dai-kun..." Ken murmered, as he continued to rub the rubber duck over his pointed nipples."
So, what's the best way to write a sex scene? Should the scene show how the characters feel toward each other, through these fantastic dialogues, or should they show what they feel themselves, with these silent lovemaking scenes?
Now, as an example, here's Lord Archive's sex scene from "Not Normal".
[quote=Lord Archive]Takeru couldn't believe the kiss or how Hikari's roaming hands goaded
him on. Her hands had slipped under his shirt and were almost massaging
him. His hands were roaming over her body as well. He pushed up
her shirt until her bra was showing. He then slipped a couple fingers
under the imitation silk fabric and caressed one of her hardened nipples.
Hikari moaned. She removed a hand from under Takeru's shirt and
unclasped her bra. She groaned happily as Takeru exposed her breasts
to the air. She reluctantly let him break off their passionate frenching
as he made a trail of butterfly kisses from her lips to her breasts.
Takeru began to suckle on Hikari's teats. He was beyond happy that
Hikari was letting him do this. He didn't care how much this would
upset Daisuke, and didn't even give a thought to what Taichi would
do if he found out. All that mattered at the moment to Takeru was
Hikari and how they could share pleasure with each other.
Hikari knew why Takeru had wanted to talk to her, to finally tell
her his feelings, but his actions were proving that far better than
his words could have. She gave no thought to Daisuke or to her family.
This wasn't about anyone else, just Takeru and her.
Takeru looked into Hikari's eyes as he unbuttoned her pants. Seeing
nothing but longing, he pulled her pants and panties off. He marveled
at the sight before him. A fine brown delta of hair pointed enticingly to her treasured hole.
Hikari gazed up while he removed his pants and boxers. She was impressed
with his size as it was bigger than her older brother's. His pubic
hair had grown to form a bush larger than her own.
Takeru laid on top of her and began to kiss her in earnest. His
cock rubbed against her opening but wouldn't go in. He grabbed hold
of his dick a guided it into her. He felt something block his progress and held on to her tightly.
Hikari braced herself as she felt Takeru lifting off her slightly,
her head nestled against his shoulder. He then thrust into her sharply
and her nails scratched his back and she bit down.
"H-Hikari? You okay?" Takeru propped himself up, a hand involuntarily
going to where she had bit him. His manhood was still inside her.
Hikari shivered under him. Pain and pleasure crashed through her
being in ways she couldn't comprehend. Her eyes were momentarily
unfocused, but soon she was able to see Takeru looking at her with
concern. She smiled at him. "I'm fine now. Please continue... slowly."
Takeru didn't know what else to do. He hadn't planned on doing this.
All he wanted to do was talk, maybe kiss her, but this was so much
more. While he knew that she liked him, he was afraid she didn't
love him or that she liked Daisuke more. There was no way he could
think that now. Not after she just took his virginity and that he took hers.
"Takeru please...." Hikari whimpered.
"S-sorry." Takeru pulled out a little and pushed back in. The pleasure
slammed into his head, idling his thoughts again. There was no use
in thinking about this, but just to do it.
Hikari moaned appreciatively as she felt Takeru thrust into her
again and again. Her hands were on his ass kneading them, and helping to guide Takeru into a rhythm.
Takeru's body pounded against Hikari's, his arms straining to support
his weight and the actions of his hips.
Hikari's whole body was pushed and pulled across the ground. Her
small, tender breasts vibrated as their bodies crashed against each
other. Her mind was soaring with ecstasy. Her body was a blaze with
a fire no amount of water could douse. Her needs, her yearnings
were for the approaching moment, the time that she would truly know what pleasure was.
Takeru's world was one tight but slick cunt and his rod. It slid
in and out of her over and over again. The tension was unbelievable.
He grimaced trying to rein in the oncoming flood. He groaned loudly
as he failed to hold on. He fired shot after shot of hot cum into
her and his thrusting became erratic.
Hikari felt his dick twitching and filling her. She was so close.
A little more and she would be orgasming too. Her hand reached down
and encircled his member at the base, coaxing a few more thrusts
and brushing her own clit in the process. Her body arched as the
tension in her body became unbearable. With a cry she finally came,
her vagina trying to milk Takeru's shrinking penis for the last of its seed.
Takeru collapsed heavily on top of Hikari, unable to support himself
anymore. He tried to catch his breath, but he felt like he had just
finished a long desperate battle and won.
Hikari pushed Takeru over a little so she could breath more easily.
Then she just laid there soaking up the experience of what just happened.[/quote]
I'm awfully sorry for the length of these passages, but I'm trying to get my point across. Now, the next one is from a writer on Slashfiction.com called Aphrael, so yaoi warning. It's a lady, and she's written something called "Whipped", which is one of the best Ken and Daisuke lemons I've come across. Whipped can be found here. It's a fantastic read, and I highly recommend reading the entire thing rather than the excerpt below if you have interests in yaoi. Here's the sex scene from there:
[quote=Aphrael]Ken stepped forward again, and bent smoothly to recover the whip. "Looks like you dropped something."
Daisuke took another instinctive step back, caught by the look in Ken's eyes and unable to look away. What is he doing? He can't be... No way... It's... it's... Oh god, if it is... He had to choke back a groan as a sharp twinge of something shot up from the ache in his groin at the prospect.
"Are you feeling all right, Daisuke?" Ken took another step forward. "You're acting very strangely."
"Um..." Daisuke's back hit something that clattered a little as he stepped away again. He'd been backed up against the fence. Wide-eyed, he stared up at his best friend, who smiled in return and closed the rest of the distance between them.
"Hmm." His fingers brushed lightly against Daisuke's wrists, which rested against his sides, shaking uncontrollably right along with the rest of him. Then he started to lean down, his breath brushing softly against the shorter boy's cheeks. Fully expecting to be kissed, and in no shape to say or do anything against it